Friend wants to marry a terrible guy.

[Pompea]

This is just a rant, because I'm so frustrated. Feedback is appreciated though.

 

My friend has been dating this guy for almost five years now. He's terrible to her. And I mean really terrible. He has lied to her continuously, cheated on her several times, got some other girl pregnant even behind her back, and didn't even let her know until she found out from one of his friends. On top of all that, he has absolutely no ambition at all. The only things he wants to do in life is sit and drink and smoke pot and mooch off of other people.

 

There were even a couple times where he would lie to her about me. She knew they were lies, but really didn't think much of it.

 

Since the very beginning I have told her that he's really unhealthy for her. She would agree with me, because she knew he would lie to her about countless things, but always went back to him because he told her he would change. He never did. I tried telling her over and over again that he was toxic to no avail. There were quite a few occasions where she would call me sobbing because he was hurting her emotionally in some way, and eventually all I could do was sit and listen because it got to the point where whenever she would bring him up we would argue about him and not talk for a couple days.

 

Now she's going to get married to him?

 

I have given up trying to talk her out of dating him, it's been so long and she stills thinks he will change, or that he has changed in some way or another.

I really don't even want to go to the wedding, but I feel terrible not being there on "her day" when we have been such good friends in the past.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Go. Unless this guy has done something bad natured to you, you should go. You've told her your concerns. To not go is just a slap in her face and she'll just resent you for it, even after her and this guy split (if they do).

 

If this guy truly is horrible, I hope she wises up and ditches him before it gets to the wedding stage.

[annie24]

well, it's not like you haven't tried to warn her. i guess i would go, in support of your friend. i'm afraid if you abandon her now, she might get angry and push you out of her life forever. of course she is making a horrible mistake, but i guess it is her mistake to make, hers to live with. that sucks. i totally understand, i've posted a rant about my friend dating a terrible guy. luckily, they broke up and now she is dating a real sweetheart.

 

good luck

[Pompea]

Well aside from being rude to me in the past and lying about me to her, he hasn't done any real harm to me. Still, I feel like going to the wedding is like admitting that he is deserving of her or something.

But I suppose you are both right, I don't want to hurt her.

[Sparkly Eyes]

honestly, I wouldn't go. I even told my sister before that if she get married with someone I don't approve of, I would not go to her wedding. It's really hard to see a loved one ruining their lives like that, I would not want to celebrate that with them, even if they want me to.

[Pompea]

Yes, I feel like I would be celebrating the occasion with them instead of just supporting her. I feel like it would supporting him as well. :s

I've canceled outings with her before when she would tell me, rather last minute, that she invited him as well. But to skip a day so important to her? I don't want to go, but I don't want to hurt her.

[annie24]

yeah, i mean, i wouldn't want to hurt her either. i guess i would go and support her. she's going to need all the support she can get in the future.

 

did she know he was cheating?

[Sparkly Eyes]

I understand what you mean and I still wouldn't go...she is going to get hurt way more in the future if she marries a guy like that. At least this way she will know how badly people who love her resent this guy.

 

And trust me, you will be all sad during the wedding. You wouldn't have much to contribute as you don't agree with it. I'm just saying that if you don't like to go, don't go. Your friend needs some tough love, not someone who is there for her during all the horrible mistakes she makes.

[anggrace]

If I were in your shoes, I would go.... but it wouldn't be easy. I think it's great that you've voiced your concern to her. A good friend should. You obviously want the best for her, so go and wish her well on her wedding day. Even if you don't like what her day is all about (the beginning of an unhealthy marriage), it's still her day. One that's very important to her.

[Pompea]

Annie: She found out he was cheating and made him promise to stop. And then after that, he still got some girl pregnant.

 

Worried: I've even tried giving her tough love in the past, she is just so convinced he will change. :s

 

Ang: Whats interesting is that her parents had a very unhealthy marriage too, and her father would verbally, and sometimes physically, harm my friend as well. It's true that things like this repeat themselves, and we've even discussed it before. Her response was just "I know but I love him". Just like her mom. At least her boyfriend doesn't physically harm her, as far as I know.

[DanDee]

Maybe have a talk with your friend and tell her about your concerns over this guy? And that you're not sure about going?

 

She'll be shocked but it will get over how bad you believe he is for her. Might make her think.

[annie24]

Annie: She found out he was cheating and made him promise to stop. And then after that, he still got some girl pregnant.

 

well, she is one dumb bunny for taking him back after that.

 

i wonder if his baby's momma is attending the wedding?

[Pompea]

DanDee: I've been trying to convince her of him for the past several years. Eventually I just gave up because it did no good.

 

Annie: Who knows. ): I wouldn't be surprised.

[Sparkly Eyes]

This thread makes me mad. How dumb and desperate. I think it's better if she doesn't have any supporter in this. It's like you saying that your friend decided to kill herself/burn her arm/be anorexic and thinking that since it's her decision, you should support her.