No one else will ever measure up! Not one!

[fuddiduddy]

In addition to the unbearable pain of us breaking up suddenly and unexpectedly, I continue to honestly feel there won't be anyone to measure up to what I had. This in view of me always being quite picky and unmovable as attested to by all my friends. I hate sounding like I'm putting any human being on a pedestal, but....

 

Chemistry-wise, personality-wise, and especially physically, he was quite literally a dream come true. Even when in public, I never ever saw anyone that compared to him. I never even entertained the thought of flirting or sleeping with anyone else because I honestly felt I was blessed with gold in my hands. I've never had someone with whom I was on the exact same wavelength, where our thoughts, background and energy levels were so much in sync. I've never met anyone that shared so many of my obscure interests, weird hobbies and so many similar life details as me.

 

He did it for me in every way imaginable, the way I find it hard to believe anyone else could or will be able to do. He met ALL of my criteria. And again, there literally is no one that turned me on as much as he did---not George Clooney, Brad Pitt, David Beckham--No one! All my friends, family and everyone unanimously celebrated us, not only because were the "perfect fit" and "looked great together," but because he was so stunning with a personality and demeanor to match.

 

This is why I want HIM and only HIM. And knowing I'll never find anyone like him makes me want to vomit over and over. I know every dumpee says what I'm saying, but I can't be more certain of it.

 

What does one do when convinced there wont be anyone else to measure up like that, ever? Am I just being ridiculous because I'm so hurt at the moment?

[jenmar]

How long has it been since the break up?

I too had believed this, however there IS someone out there that will be better than him, because he will be the person meant to be your partner..

 

My ex was handsom, funny, just perfect, but now that is all gone.. and the fact that he has chose to leave me and not try anymore makes him less handsome and appealing.

 

It takes a long time.. Its been 6 weeks since the break up for me and 8 days since I heard from him...

 

Time heals all wounds, sadly it could take a long time but enough you will realize that you WILL be abel to have these feelings of chemistry with someone else.

[fuddiduddy]

We broke up the night of March 2, so less than a month.

 

That night I wanted us to discuss his weirdness as of late (not returning calls, sounding annoyed when we did talk, giving me the cold shoulder suddenly), in an effort to calmly "communicate" like responsible partners should. I did not expect for him to tell me he's "not sure about us" due to a big personal problem we both knew he was experiencing. So he broke it off just that easily saying he didn't think he could offer me what he's been offering me just days prior.

 

Looking back, I either should've kept my mouth shut or did it differently (in view of his stress from that problem). At any rate, I still cannot imagine anyone coming close to what we had.

[In the Dark]

Well it appears that he wasn't all that if you two have broken up.

 

Maybe you are just not wanting to settle for someone uglier.

I'd say the majority of people women and men will not want to down grade.

Especially physically, but in all reality, this can leave us alone for a very long time if we are not lucky or we physically are not as hot as we used to be therefore not being able to get the same or better.

 

Women and Men behave differently to people based on looks in the real world.

More flirty, chatty or cold and abrupt regardless of the personality of the man or Woman.

 

You will find someone else, if you are going to place their physical looks as priority, then you will have to settle for a personality which may not match quite as well.

The same goes the other way around.

 

Usually something lacking and something gaining.

[petite]

Give it time. Your break up is still very fresh, everyone thinks that same at one stage, but you eventually will grow out of it. Who knows maybe one day you guys might get back together, you never know.

 

He obviously didn't think you were that perfectly compatible as you did, otherwise he wouldn't have ended it.

As for you saying you should have kept this to yourself, meaning his changed attitude, I think that is wrong. Bottling it up inside would only make it worse you and one day it would all burst out, the commotion caused by that would have higher repercussions.

[TearsofFate]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Reading what you wrote was like reading my own thoughts about my first boyfriend.

 

He was perfect. He was physically attractive and had all the features I liked (Tall, dark and handsome, movie actor hot.) He had the perfect voice too. I don't care much about voices but his was perfect. He was my dream guy.

 

As time goes by and you start to date again you will meet new guys who will be less than perfect. This is what happened to me. You will wonder "will I ever find anyone as good or better as my ex?" and the answer is yes you will.

 

As time went by I met people who had better personalities than my ex (they were sweeter, kinder, better at certain things then my ex was)..and in time you will start to see all your ex's flaws.

[fuddiduddy]

He obviously didn't think you were that perfectly compatible as you did, otherwise he wouldn't have ended it.

 

Well that's the strange thing (to me at least). We met on FB, HE did much of the pursuing and initiated the "let's be exclusive" proposal. He won me over so well. And even looking back, I still cannot find any real red flags.

 

He would give me the "I love yous" all the time, do little nice things, introduce me to everyone, was supportive when I got laid off, paid me back when I needed to help him pay his rent once last fall. I even, out of the blue, asked him if the relationship met his needs and if we thought we needed to improve on anything. In short, he said he couldnt be happier and he couldn't think of one thing. Don't get me wrong--we had little petty arguments but we always worked them out so well, usually ending in "I love you so much."

 

I even overheard by accident a conversation taking place between two of his friends (they didn't know I was around): "have you seen ___ lately? He looks so happy now with that glow and always smiling. I've never seen him like that before." Of course, I attributed that to our relationship.

 

In short, I guess I'm having difficulty in believing people can turn love off and on like a light switch.

 

I've already signed up to link removed, if anything, just to keep my mind off of him. No one there strikes my fancy yet.

[marshmlofluff]

I felt that way ten weeks ago, when the man I thought I was going to marry dumped me.

 

Two nights ago, I finally got up the courage to kiss another man. There was a blast of oxytocin, I guess, and my ex got knocked out of my head entirely.

 

I don't know yet how I feel about the new dude. I am taking it very, very slow. But he is a much better man than my ex, and has much more in common with me. Kissing him made me see that my ex was entirely replaceable--that I could feel that pleasure and intimacy with someone else. And not only was my ex replaceable; so was the connection with him, because half of the relationship was *me*.

 

After months of pining over my ex, it was chilling just how much and how quickly I stopped caring about him when I became interested in someone else. (I guess it shouldn't be surprising, as he went through the same process of losing interest--albeit there was nobody else--a few months ago.)

[ebik]

I have being feeling this myself actually of late.

 

Only difference is, I am the dumper and we broke up over 6 mths ago!!

 

We recently started talking again, and trying to be friends after months of NC. Now I dont know what to think. It felt just as it did before, just hanging out and chatting with him.

 

Without sounding mean.. but I can look at him now and see that he isnt the most attractive guy arround, but we connect and shared such a strong bond that I dont feel like I will ever have that again with anyone else again.

 

Now seeing him again and getting a taste of it has now just made me soo confused!

[petite]

Sometimes there are no red flags. Not everything has to have a flag. He obviously wanted to be with you, but that changed for whatever reason. He probably still does care, but I'm of the opinion that if you love and care for someone, you don't give up easily.

However, people do change and grow apart or at least one person changes their mind. Sometimes that's just how it is.

[fr0z3n]

"No one will ever measure up to him... Until you met the one that wil"

[rapunzel]

I felt this way when I met my ex. I knew, I just knew that "he was it." I doubt I'll ever be able to match him physically, sensually, his smell, his voice...everything about him. Definitely a peak experience of my life in that regard. But clearly he did not feel the same way about me. And I did not feel appreciated because honestly, I feel I did not match him at this level of attraction power. There are younger, more nubile women out there, tons of them in fact, and he can get one of them, he knows this, so why would he be with me?

 

It is difficult to "trade down" after you've been with someone who really did it for you. It's funny, despite the fact that he rejected me twice I still find him immensely attractive but I have continued contact for work - which is brutal. With time and No Contact you will get over him and you will fall for someone else. But No Contact is crucial.

[jenmar]

the wound is still fresh- Of course no one is going to measure up because you are not seeing any negatives to this guy what so ever.

You need to focus on the fact that even though this guy may have been cute, ect... HE left YOU.. for whatever reason he decided that you were not the person he wanted to be with anymore, that in itself makes him someone you shouldn't compare other guys to.

 

Dating at first is very hard, you think, man this was so much easier with my ex, but relax, give other guys a chance becauase honestly there is someone out there that is going to care enough to stick around forever.

 

Ps. I joined link removed a week after my ex dumped me, started emailing this guy just as friends... 5 weeks later we finally met (took me a long time b/c he ex was saying he wanted to work things out.. what BS anyway...) the first dinner we had was nice, the second was even better.. and now we are going out next weekend.

 

Please dont think there aren't other guys out there that arent as perfect as your ex. b/c like I and everyone else on here has pointed out, hes not so perfect when he bails on the relationship..

 

it will get better...promise

[In the Dark]

It will take time before you start to consider downgrading.

But that's if you can't score someone better than him, in regards to something you hold as a must have in a person.

 

If that guy never comes, you will down grade.

[jenmar]

I wouldn't necessarily look at it as downgrading, To me that is not giving a new person a chance. Its alreayd a negative opinion of the person right off the bat and that is not fair. No maybe the person may not have model looks or a nice voice, or whatever strikes your fancy, but their personality, and the way they treat you is what is important..

I would look at it as upgrading, to someone that is going to take the time to make the relationship work, rather than end things out of no where.

 

But that is just me.

[fuddiduddy]

Thanks everyone.

 

I think I need to emphasize that looks really isn't the end-all be-all. I really don't choose guys on looks alone but he just happened to have been 100% my type and it seemed to be working great. So now that I've gotten a taste of how wonderful it feels to be with someone like him (the entire package of looks, chemistry, personality, etc.) I suspect I won't be AS happy with anyone the way I was with him.

 

As far as "downgrading", if I do find someone nice who peaks my interest with the mutual chemistry to boot, I won't be considering it a "downgrade". (I wouldn't even feel right labeling him as such, I think that's just mean). At this point I'm gonna promise myself to not even compare and to just enjoy the moment.

 

That's IF I even find someone I'll like. *sigh*

[fuddiduddy]

Ps. I joined link removed a week after my ex dumped me, started emailing this guy just as friends... 5 weeks later we finally met (took me a long time b/c he ex was saying he wanted to work things out.. what BS anyway...) the first dinner we had was nice, the second was even better.. and now we are going out next weekend.

 

Please dont think there aren't other guys out there that arent as perfect as your ex. b/c like I and everyone else on here has pointed out, hes not so perfect when he bails on the relationship..

 

it will get better...promise

 

Thanks Jenmar....You've given me a little hope with that link removed experience.

 

I think I'm gonna psych myself into thinking my time with him was literally just a dream and that it never happened, LOL. Wonder if it'll work.

[jenmar]

You will find someone else, right now it seems that you won't but with time the memories will fade, as will your feelings.

Its hard to continue to have feelings for someone who doesn't return them... I found that out recently. It may seem that you wont be AS happy as you were recently, but seriously when you meet the one...you will be happier.

link removed is fun- Most on there, i would assume, are looking for a serious relationship, if not then they will say on their profile.

 

I joined because it is hard for me to get out and meet people, I always was fixed up by friends or family members. I felt like a dork but it turned out great, I met a really nice guy and if it doesn't work out as a romance, I am sure we will be great friends.

 

Good luck, and keep us updated!!

[jeaniet212]

Sweetie, I'm so sorry for your lost and sadly I am going through what you are too. I decided to just talk and ask where our relationship was leading and he said he wasn't sure if I can deal with his family and wasn't sure anymore. He kept saying he really couldn't give me the love that I gave him. All my dreams, my hopes, my plans had crashed into little pieces. Although we haven't been together for a long time, but I thought we really have found my man. I thought we were perfect for each other. That night, I really couldn't see going on w/o him anymore. I didn't want to continue w/ my life and live knowing that each morning I wake up, I will be going through the day w/o him. We decided to give it another try, but knowing that he doesn't love me anymore, I couldn't help but cry inside. I really hope over time, he will realize that we are meant for each other. I love him to death and despite his flaws, I know that we would build a perfect future together. But right now, deep down inside, I'm scared what if it won't work? I really can't go through it. I know that no time will heal my heart

[resilient7]

so sorry to hear that..i know exactly what you mean...only you guys actually had stuff in common,whereas i didnt.and still i know i wont ever find anyone to replace her

[resilient7]

i tried to believe that about my ex...she was my first official girlfriend.and still after a year and a half i cant get her out,i know i cant replace her ever..just upon seeing her name or hearing her brother (he writes on ocassions) mention "sister" just depresses the heck outta me.i really wish i could believe that but its been so long and still nothing

[No1]

In addition to the unbearable pain of us breaking up suddenly and unexpectedly, I continue to honestly feel there won't be anyone to measure up to what I had. This in view of me always being quite picky and unmovable as attested to by all my friends. I hate sounding like I'm putting any human being on a pedestal, but....

 

 

This is why I want HIM and only HIM. And knowing I'll never find anyone like him makes me want to vomit over and over. I know every dumpee says what I'm saying, but I can't be more certain of it.

 

What does one do when convinced there wont be anyone else to measure up like that, ever? Am I just being ridiculous because I'm so hurt at the moment?

 

I hate to break this to you and chances are this is going to be quite a shock, but ummm... there is going to be better out there. Not to be mean, but if guy was truly the one for you, if he was your One and Only, then you two would be together and you wouldnt be here typing away at this forum. So No, he was NOT the one for you and regardless what you say and or believe. There will be better.

You two broke up for some reason and it really doesnt matter. The current situation is you are not with him, so he was not for you. I have said the same thing over and over, quite a few times "oh this was was the best" and in a few years I meet someone even Better and think.. wow.. okay this was is the best.. then years after that I meet someone else better.

Its just 1 guy out of billions in the world. 1 guy! He is not the best one you will ever find.

Its hard for you to see thru the trees and the mist and fog, you only see what you want to see and believe. But from someone that has been there several times. There is better.

[marshmlofluff]

Yeah. Look at my threads over the last few months.

 

I got dumped; I thought my world had ended--and literally within one or two weeks I met a man who put the old one to shame. (We didn't start dating right then; I waited 2.5 months.)

 

Almost by definition, there are way better partners out there than any ex. The key is you have to keep your heart open.

 

The sooner you heal, the sooner you can get back out there again.

[No1]

So dont fret my ENA friend, there is always better. I thought my X was the best and the ONE for me, but alas she wasnt, I went months thinking there is no one better, but I know I will again find someone I cant live without and I will give my heart to her again and do what I can to make her happy.

You will find someone really really soon. Until that day happens, just make yourself happy, treat yourself right. And listen to good songs like "just havent met you yet" by Michael Buble and youll be fine.. heeeeyyyy trust me!! LOL