Betty79 Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 Ok got chatting to this guy through online dating about a month ago..chatted for couple of weeks, met up 2 weeks ago, had a great first date. He then text me loads the next couple of weeks, seemed really keen, although was a bit slow planning a second date. He went back home for the wknd, didnt hear from him. Fine. I text him monday to ask if he had a good one. He replies although takes a while, asks me a few questions, but again takes a while to respond between texts. Finished up with him saying he will text me tmrw and hopefully meet up this wk (i didnt ask anything about this) Well he didnt text me on tues as he said. I left it until wedn evening and text him. He was supposed to be finding out if he got a new job on tues so wanted to ask how it went. Again he replies but is slow, asks me another question, I respond and thats it. Nothing since wedn morning whereas usually we were pretty much in daily contact. I know I wont hear from him again now. Have seen him on fb chat and things and nothing. Throughout this time I have noticed he has been logging onto the dating site. Not a problem, not as though we are exclusive or anything. Anway i have a hard time letting go when things are left like this so was wondering whether to email him the following... "Hey dont want you to think im odd or anything, lol, but why are we not in touch anymore? Was it something I said or u just changed ur mind?? Its not a problem but just kinda wondering.. Hope we can still be friends anyway, it was fun " What do you think??? I dont want to be bunny boiler. Im not sure as i initiated contact the last couple of times and he obviously isnt interested but i dont get why it changed all of a sudden...we got quite close through our chats. I just want proper closure?!? Link to comment
geekgirl4 Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 If you're the one usually initiating texting and he's still roaming around the dating site, well, it looks like a lack of interest. Link to comment
april15 Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 I think you have a good point. I would not be offended and he can always say "I am just not interested" if he has no good or polite reason. You never know he may give you some interesting insight into the relationship you never thought of. I would send the message, nothing really to lose. Good luck! Link to comment
Betty79 Posted March 26, 2010 Author Share Posted March 26, 2010 If you're the one usually initiating texting and he's still roaming around the dating site, well, it looks like a lack of interest. I'm not usually the one initiating though, the last couple of weeks he has done 95% of the initiating but i have always responded enthusiastically and would sometimes initiate something else later in the day. The only time I started initiating properly is monday and wednesday of this week after not hearing from him. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 honestly i wouldn't ask him. it seems pretty apparent to me that he's not that interested in pursuing things with you, and he is still sniffing around online to see what else is out there. i would let it go. if he wants you, he can make an aggressive effort to get you back. oh well. it sucks, but i would move on and continue dating other men as well. Link to comment
Betty79 Posted March 27, 2010 Author Share Posted March 27, 2010 ok but does anyone else think i should ask him or is this not the done thing am i supposed to fade away quietly?? Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 if you were to ask him, what do you think he would say? Link to comment
PoopyBear Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 If you were to ask him and he didn't respond, how would you feel? This has happened to me and although it almost kills me, I try to direct my attention to other things. I don't see it as fading away quietly I like to think of it as me losing interest in the guy because eventually I do. Link to comment
Betty79 Posted March 27, 2010 Author Share Posted March 27, 2010 ok yes you're right, there is no point and there is nothing he can say - lets start again then..next, lol!! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Yes I agree with this - after only one date - and here it sounds like there were no dates, just a first meet through an on line site - silence equals non-interest or not enough interest for another date). Not that you should take it personally, just that there is no need to follow up because you have your answer. This is why dating requires a very thick skin.... Link to comment
BriarRose Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Yes I agree with this - after only one date - and here it sounds like there were no dates, just a first meet through an on line site - silence equals non-interest or not enough interest for another date). Not that you should take it personally, just that there is no need to follow up because you have your answer. This is why dating requires a very thick skin.... I agree. His silence tells you what you need to know. As far as asking him about it would do nothing except hurt you and make him uncomfortable - that is a conversation for people who have at least been dating awhile. Betty, the next one might be crazy for you! Keep going, I am glad you are "out there"... Link to comment
Betty79 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 Well he as text me...asked how I was and said sorry he has been rubbish at keeping in touch but he has been so busy. Then asked what I got up to last night. How do I play this now? I do like him but I dont want to be messed about... Link to comment
Ammy Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Hmm, these men are the hard ones... They keep you hanging on... Still looking for other options. I personally have continued to go out with guys like this and it's always ended in failure. I think if a guy really likes you, he can send a text, make time to meet for a short date etc.... No one is that busy. If you really like him, I guess you could give him another chance. Just be friendly in reply, but don't suggest a date unless he brings it up... Be slow in your replies and not too available. It's a game, it's up to you if you want to play it. Is he worth it? Ammy Link to comment
Betty79 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 Well I just replied to him casually, said I was having a great weekend and what had he been up to. He replied straight away and I just left it by wishing him a nice day. Still no mention of going out so what is the point in even contacting me today. I wont be pursuing him. I have deleted his number again so I cant get in touch. So glad I listened to you guys now and didnt send that email, lol. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Hmm, these men are the hard ones... They keep you hanging on... Still looking for other options. I personally have continued to go out with guys like this and it's always ended in failure. I think if a guy really likes you, he can send a text, make time to meet for a short date etc.... No one is that busy. If you really like him, I guess you could give him another chance. Just be friendly in reply, but don't suggest a date unless he brings it up... Be slow in your replies and not too available. It's a game, it's up to you if you want to play it. Is he worth it? Ammy I agree. Given the fact that your last date was actually a few weeks ago (is that correct?), and he just seems to want a "texting" relationship, I would cut him loose. Like Ammy said, a lot of them want to just keep you on their radar in case things don't work out with someone else, or whatever - these usually end in failure, like she said. I had a guy do this for 11 months - kept in contact but didn't really want to see me - just wanted to keep me on his radar, you know? Link to comment
Betty79 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 Yeah you're right Kitty, I'll give him a little while longer and see if he says anything else but dont really have any expectations. He has gone down a bit in my estimation now anyway as I dont want to be going out with someone who messes me around anyway. It has been about 3 weeks since we met up, I went away for a week afterwards but still a good 2 weeks when he could have asked me out. Nice to hear from you MK, hope things are going well for you. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 If he texts again without asking you out simply respond, within 24 hours, nicely and write something like "thanks for getting in touch - I'm a little too busy for text buddies these days -- if you want to get together again, let me know" Link to comment
BriarRose Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Yeah you're right Kitty, I'll give him a little while longer and see if he says anything else but dont really have any expectations. He has gone down a bit in my estimation now anyway as I dont want to be going out with someone who messes me around anyway. It has been about 3 weeks since we met up, I went away for a week afterwards but still a good 2 weeks when he could have asked me out. Nice to hear from you MK, hope things are going well for you. Yes, 2-3 weeks is too long. Even if he were to just ask to meet up for coffee or lunch or a drink, just to see you.....even that would be something. But he doesn't even do that. It is my belief that he probably is juggling someone else and wants to keep you on the line. That is the only reason I can think of for someone constantly texting but not wanting to actually see you. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.