Why don't people use babysitters anymore??

[eggplant47]

I am happily married with no kids and most of our friends are in the same boat. We like to entertain a lot but there are 2 couples that are causing a problem: They insist on bringing their children everywhere!!

 

I just think when your invitation says "cocktail" party or indicates the party stars after 8:00 pm... maybe you shouldn't assume you can bring little kids? I love the children themselves, but when they arrive they change the whole dynamic of the party. Most of our friends are in their late 20's and like to relax by having a few (maybe more) drinks. When the kids arrive other guests feel uncomfortable drinking or smoking in front of them and instead of being able to relax suddenly have to watch their language. It's particularly annoying for couples who have paid a sitter and were looking forward to an evening amoung adults!

 

And it stresses me out because the arrival of the little darlings starts an avalanche of special requests: Do I have any milk? Food that's more child friendly? Or my favorite: Can we use your dryer because little Angela has peed through her pants again?! It's stressful enough playing hostess without having to check your couches for tinkle! Not to mention the hour my husband and I spend post party trying to relocate knick knacks & such that have been used as teething rings!

 

We've tried dropping gentle hints but the parents are either ignoring them or just haven't picked up on them...

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings... but I'm considering printing "Adults only!" on all future invitations! Is this an acceptable option or should I just try to be a gracious hostess and accept all guests regardless of age?

[rosephase]

Um, what is the big deal about stating clearly that it's an adult only event? Most parties I go to these days say very clearly if they are child friendly or not. And if parents don't know they ask. It's not rude. It's just information.

[sidehop]

That's what I would say, if it's a party only for adults it would be very clear.

 

I don't know, maybe these parents are either over-protective or just simply attached to their children (not teaching them boundaries perhaps). Just a guess but I agree that could get very annoying.

[sophie274]

Gosh I find that really odd - who brings their small children to a cocktail party that starts at 8 pm? Seems to me it should go without saying that the event is adults-only.

 

I think it's fine for you to write "adults only" on the invitation - assuming you'll be ok if these friends choose not to come because they can't bring their children.

[BellaDonna]

I feel your pain. I have a little one myself but I still think people should consider babysitters whenever possible- especially for evening functions. Behavior gets worse when kids are close to their bedtime and overtired.

 

On my wedding invitation I clearly printed "Adults Only Please" because I watched one of my in-laws almost have her cake plowed into at her evening wedding and children also ran all over the dancefloor unattended. I decided I did not want that to happen at mine.

 

You may have to write more than "Cocktail party" and come right out and state "Adult Cocktail Party"

[eggplant47]

Gosh I find that really odd - who brings their small children to a cocktail party that starts at 8 pm? Seems to me it should go without saying that the event is adults-only.

 

I think it's fine for you to write "adults only" on the invitation - assuming you'll be ok if these friends choose not to come because they can't bring their children.

 

I know, right?? I too thought it would be self evident. I don't remember my parents taking me to any cocktail parties as a child!

[eggplant47]

Um, what is the big deal about stating clearly that it's an adult only event? Most parties I go to these days say very clearly if they are child friendly or not. And if parents don't know they ask. It's not rude. It's just information.

 

Ok, good! I'm glad to hear you don't think it's rude. I don't have kids of my own and I'm never sure what parents are sensitive about. Thanks!

[jessica911]

it's wrong to bring under age kids to parties like that, whats wrong with the parents?

 

you did the right thing, kick those people with under age kids OUT.

[SeekingWisdom]

Agreed. I have kids and as long as I didn't find out that I was one of the only ones who got an invite that specified "adults only" or something like that, I wouldn't mind at all. Like someone stated before, it's just information.

[Seraphim]

Yes, it is information. I would not have brought my son to an adult party. If my mother could not babysit him however I did not go anywhere. I have never used a baby sitter other than my mother,mother in law or my brother. I do not believe in sitters that are not limited to a small select family group.

[thejigsup]

I agree that cocktail parties should always be "adults only". BUT, in today's economy many people cannot afford babysitters, especially for multiple children. It's a shame, but that's what it most likely is. Sitters can run you $15 per hour for multiple children. If they can't bring their kids (and I agree an adult party is no place for children), many couples would have next to no time with other adults outside of work. My sitters were always family, too, and I still paid them the going rate. It's expensive to have children.

[alcide]

I see nothing wrong with that , because you are sure right about your statement, there is a time for children and a time for adults, or adults stay home with your kids....

 

I think some greedy people likes to do that , take thier kids every where, in the first place they should think 8pm party , you must get smoking individuals . It that safe for my children, il stay home with them instead, or if i just go, il show my face , drop off what present ot bottle gifts so on and head back home.... Simple

[eggplant47]

Thanks everyone! I'm relieved to know I'm not the only one who found the child atendees inappropriate!

[BellaDonna]

The more I think about this:

 

I just think when your invitation says "cocktail" party or indicates the party stars after 8:00 pm... maybe you shouldn't assume you can bring little kids?

 

The more I wonder if your friends have totally lost their minds. With my kid, bedtime routines are extremely important. He needs to wind down and relax before going to bed (8:30pm the LATEST) I would never imagine taking him OUT at 8pm, and especially not to someone's house. He'd be so overtired, bored, and cranky that I'm sure his behavior would be horrific.

 

To each their own but I personally don't think taking young kids out that late is a good idea at all. It's not really good for the child. They need their routines and their sleep.

[Seraphim]

The more I think about this:

 

 

 

The more I wonder if your friends have totally lost their minds. With my kid, bedtime routines are extremely important. He needs to wind down and relax before going to bed (8:30pm the LATEST) I would never imagine taking him OUT at 8pm, and especially not to someone's house. He'd be so overtired, bored, and cranky that I'm sure his behavior would be horrific.

 

To each their own but I personally don't think taking young kids out that late is a good idea at all. It's not really good for the child. They need their routines and their sleep.

 

 

People HAVE lost their minds. I have gone out for a nice dinner at a higher end restaurants and I go late because I want it to be adult time and people have their newborns and five year olds there at 10 pm I left my almost THIRTEEN year old with a babysitter so I could have an adult meal over looking the Falls and people bring their toddlers to dinner at 10 PM

[eggplant47]

I think it's kinda nuts too! The one couple never leaves the house without their son because they say when a sitter comes (even his own grandma) he cries when they try to leave. It's like they're so scared to inconvenience their own child, they just decide to inconvenience everyone else instead!

 

That, and I'm just not sure it's healthy for their little one! My friends aren't deviants or anything... but some of them do drink heavily on occasion or smoke & I just don't think those are habits a 3 yr. old needs to be introduced to.

[eggplant47]

People HAVE lost their minds. I have gone out for a nice dinner at a higher end restaurants and I go late because I want it to be adult time and people have their newborns and five year olds there at 10 pm I left my almost THIRTEEN year old with a babysitter so I could have an adult meal over looking the Falls and people bring their toddlers to dinner at 10 PM

 

I know what you mean! Last year we had a Foster son living with us & I needed to run out & pick up some cold/cough medicine for him at 2 am. Luckily, the local Walmart is open 24 hrs. But I was shocked to see a couple with several small children running around the entrance & toy section! One of them didn't even have shoes on I wonder how those poor kids will ever adjust to a school schedule.

[BellaDonna]

LOL I can almost understand a young infant being out at that hour because my son could have survived an all night rave party when he was a newborn- since he NEVER SLEPT AT NIGHT for the first 6 months of his life. So it would not have interfered with his "bedtime" because there was none. Maybe I should have taken him to the 24hour drug store instead of pacing around my living room at 3:00am lol.

 

But bringing out a toddler past 8:00pm is asking for certain doom. By then they usually need to be getting ready for bed because they are so active that they crash at night. I would never take him out at that time now.

[doesitmatter30]

Tell everyone adults only. They're being extremely rude wanting more kid friendly foods, milk etc... they should bring all that themselves, party or no. If they get they're feelings hurt, better theirs then yours and everybody else's at the party.

[Batya33]

Of course you should confirm "adults only". Interesting post as I have the opposite issue - we've been invited to a holiday event in the next week or two that starts around 7pm (baby gets ready for bed around 730, asleep by 815 the latest). The baby is invited too.

 

There will be other kids there but likely no toddlers or young children. Despite him being included (enthusiastically by the hosts) I am concerned about him not being able to sleep outside of his crib (never done that since he was a newborn) and/or disrupting things. So please understand, as a parent, I care a lot about the other people there and we will leave if things gets disruptive. I also care a lot when I take him to restaurants - he happens to be very good (and have been told that many times by other patrons) but I am always on the look out for him getting cranky and we would leave ASAP if that happened.

 

I would always ask if he was invited and would assume that an evening event is adults only. However, since we've never used a babysitter and don't plan to on a regular basis (yet) my friends would have to understand that an evening event probably means we won't be there or only one of us will go.

[renaissancewoman101]

Is it bad to disrupt a baby's routine for one night or two, every so often.

 

For example, if you take baby on a trip (plane or car), baby's routine will be disrupted.

 

Or is it something that parents will give up all social life and even travelling, in order for baby to have a routine.

 

I've never been a parent.

 

Also for those of your who are parents, did you find it hard to give up your social life completely (because of baby's routine)? For example, you are used to going out with your friends on a Friday night for dinner, drinks and some partying (nothing crazy). When baby came, was that hard to give up, or did you try to fit it into the schedule.

[Batya33]

Is it bad to disrupt a baby's routine for one night or two, every so often.

 

For example, if you take baby on a trip (plane or car), baby's routine will be disrupted.

 

Or is it something that parents will give up all social life and even travelling, in order for baby to have a routine.

 

I've never been a parent.

 

Also for those of your who are parents, did you find it hard to give up your social life completely (because of baby's routine)? For example, you are used to going out with your friends on a Friday night for dinner, drinks and some partying (nothing crazy). When baby came, was that hard to give up, or did you try to fit it into the schedule.

 

 

It is not a big deal for a night or two if the baby is otherwise a good sleeper and has a reasonable schedule/routine -- we've had to do that with plane travel and visiting people but we try to limit it (i.e. booking a flight during his naptime, no connections, not visiting people during his nap time or staying past 6:30pm).

 

It was not hard for me to give up my social life because I had had an active social life for 25 years before I had a baby and I had wanted to have a baby for at least two decades before I had a baby. The part that I gave up was going out at night -so, no more going out for dinner or to see a movie/theater, to friends' houses, etc. I do miss seeing movies - the last one I saw was he's just not that into you, over a year ago!

 

I try to meet friends for lunch or coffee. The big change for me was that for the first time since I was 12 I no longer wanted to be a social butterfly - when he was a newborn, socializing drained me/exhausted me unless it was a very close friend/family member who I felt comfortable telling if I'd had enough interaction.

 

Even now that he's basically a toddler, I still have far less motivation to socialize - partly because it takes time to get him ready to go out, so it has to be "worth it' but in general, it's just a change in me.

 

I really enjoy hanging out with and taking care of him, really enjoy my stroller "power walks" solo and I still enjoy keeping in touch with people by phone and e-mail. I am not depressed - the opposite actually - and I have more physical energy than ever but my mental and physical focus is on him. Also I am living with someone for the first time (my husband) - never ever had roommates before - so maybe that satisfies my need for adult interaction.

 

My husband still goes out at night but not too often - more often if we're out of town visiting his family where he grew up. We go out for lunch instead of dinner.

 

I bet it would have been much harder for me to give up my social life 20 years ago.

[Seraphim]

I think it's kinda nuts too! The one couple never leaves the house without their son because they say when a sitter comes (even his own grandma) he cries when they try to leave. It's like they're so scared to inconvenience their own child, they just decide to inconvenience everyone else instead!

 

That, and I'm just not sure it's healthy for their little one! My friends aren't deviants or anything... but some of them do drink heavily on occasion or smoke & I just don't think those are habits a 3 yr. old needs to be introduced to.

 

Well I am one of those insane people that goes almost everywhere with my son Do not worry I am not offended. What I mean though is I did not inflict him on other people, I did not mind missing adult stuff or parties or what have because I had been there and done that already. I was 30 when I had my son so I had already partied hardy and socialized myself to death by the time I was like 25....lol.I just wanted peace. I think though kids need a very stable bedtime. My son will always come before friends and such.I would not have inconvienced other people though.

[HouseKitten]

I'm sort of optimistic about some events in my life I'd like to keep roughly child free, like my wedding one day for example, because there are no small children in my family or friends. I'm at that point where none of my friends have been married long enough to really want a baby yet, and my family are all too young or too old to have kids.

 

Which is great because I'd like my ceremony taped, and I hate the idea of some kid screaming through it. I know some people say having kids there can break the ice when they say 'cute' stuff but frankly, if it ain't my kid, it won't be that freakin cute when it interrupts the vows.

[thejigsup]

I'm sort of optimistic about some events in my life I'd like to keep roughly child free, like my wedding one day for example, because there are no small children in my family or friends. I'm at that point where none of my friends have been married long enough to really want a baby yet, and my family are all too young or too old to have kids.

 

Which is great because I'd like my ceremony taped, and I hate the idea of some kid screaming through it. I know some people say having kids there can break the ice when they say 'cute' stuff but frankly, if it ain't my kid, it won't be that freakin cute when it interrupts the vows.

 

I hope you aren't planning on having any children. It sounds like you don't like them much. That's okay, some people don't, but they shouldn't be having them, either.