Would these freak you out early in dating?

[newwave]

Just out of curiosity how you'd feel about these:

 

First date (or soon after) guys brings you flowers. After first date he sends you a huge expensive bouquet.

 

Early dating he takes you on an expensive date. He takes you on a carriage ride, to a fancy restaurant and/or takes you on an expensive dinner cruise (these are common in the downtown area of Chicago)

 

He buys you other gifts right away. He buys you a fancy necklace or a huge stuffed animal.

 

Maybe I am alone, but these would freak me out early in. I mention this because I have a friend who started dating this guy (met him online) and already is doing this. I've gotten things like these from guys, but not usually right away (though my one ex was generous and bought me gifts right away).

[Niinjaa]

It may freak me out just a bit, xD. I mean, the nice restaurant is fine, but the necklace, or expensive flowers--I don't see a problem with, like, a single flower on a first date, but I don't want to be smothered like that. Which is kind of a big deal coming from me, since I like to spend *all* my time with that special someone. (Not that I do, since they need their space, but still.)

[CaptainNapalm]

I think that depends. If this guy has lots of disposable income then I think it's nothing to be weirded out about. Perhaps it's just his lifestyle of being flashy like that. If on the other hand, this guy is commiting himself to such expenses while emptying his hard earned cash, then there's something wrong and I'd smell desperation.

[dr_styles]

He sounds very old fashioned but definitely freaky over-the-top. Nice restaurant and the flowers, sure (hey me too) but the rest no.

[katzzz1]

Ya, that would freak me out a bit if it was too soon, maybe just a nice restaurant and one flower.

[DN]

He is either trying to buy her affections and/or is majorly insecure.

[_Asti_]

I would question why. I would be freaked out, perhaps thinking he's trying to hard, trying to WOW me. Coming off way too strong. Desperate.

 

And then I'd think...ok if we just started dating and its like this...what will 3 months bring, 6 months? A year? Trying to WOW me now so he doesn't have to later on? Trying to divert attention from insecurities he has? Or..how can I measure up to his gestures?

 

Alot would go through my mind..not a whole being positives.

[Cognitive_Canine]

That's way too much too soon and it'd make me feel extremely uncomfortable.

 

I'd tell him to relax and explain to him how unnecessary this all is.

[annie24]

i agree with DN that it sounds like he is trying to buy her affections. unless he's donald trump, i don't see why he's doing so much so soon. part of the problem is if he gets her a carriage ride and jewelry for the 2nd date, what is he going to have to do for the 1 year anniversary? it gets hard to top yourself. i guess he could take her on a private plane to jamaica for the week.

 

is he very rich or something?

[newwave]

No he's not rich. I forget what he does, but it's not a rich field (I think he's a teacher). My first thought was he was trying to have sex with her, but who knows (I don't think he asked for that).

[annie24]

teacher????? yikes! unless he has some family money, those sound like serious gifts on a teacher's salary.

[dr_styles]

Even though he doesn't "ask" I wonder what he'll do when he doesn't get what he wants (whether it be sex or even just a kiss)

[newwave]

The whole thing just gives me bad vibes. Another thing I was thinking was that he's a con artist. I've been hearing all these stories lately of women meeting con artist on dating sites (I don't mean the Nigerian ones where they ask for money upfront). This is partly why I make any online dates very casual until a few dates in. Plus, she's desperate to get married and have kids (she's 43 and knows her days of having children are coming to a close soon).

[Shallow]

Yeah, sounds pretty desperate to me, regardless of his wealth. Sounds like he might have some ulterior motives.

[mfan]

Just out of curiosity how you'd feel about these:

 

First date (or soon after) guys brings you flowers. After first date he sends you a huge expensive bouquet.

 

Early dating he takes you on an expensive date. He takes you on a carriage ride, to a fancy restaurant and/or takes you on an expensive dinner cruise (these are common in the downtown area of Chicago)

 

He buys you other gifts right away. He buys you a fancy necklace or a huge stuffed animal.

 

Maybe I am alone, but these would freak me out early in. I mention this because I have a friend who started dating this guy (met him online) and already is doing this. I've gotten things like these from guys, but not usually right away (though my one ex was generous and bought me gifts right away).

 

These actions indicate he either has a low opinion of her (thinking she will be impressed simply by glitz and material things and empty flattery), or a low opinion of himself (thinking he has to make an amazingly incredible first impression or else no girl will like him.

 

In addition, giving gifts like this indicates he doesn't understand what gift giving really is about - an expression of affection and fondness and friendship that grows over time.

 

It's hard to imagine this relationship progressing to anything beyond the most superficial. His actions don't sound freaky (because they are so obviously explainable) but it's just not healthy.

[lana111]

this would waaaaay freak me out. i would not agree to more dates.

[Chantal87]

sounds like hes trying to groom you! no really though, that would make me a little uneasy. Being nice is fine, him buying you dinner or tickets to the movie...too many presents that early on in the relationship looks like he is trying to impress you, which men don't understand is that being showered with gifts isnt why we are attracted to you.

[bedrocks]

The guy is a wuss, he's got no self confidence so he's trying to buy your love and affection.

[Jd1983]

Yes, this would probably freak me out during the early stages of dating.

 

It will make me wonder why he was trying to buy my affection. It's one things if he had a lot of money to throw away, it's another when he doesn't.

[obs]

I wouldn't say he's a wuss, but he's probably lacking self confidence and using this to make up for it. I make much more than the person I'm dating but still like to keep dates, especially early ones, within a reasonable budget. Else it puts the other person in an awkward position by making them feel they "owe" you something.

[newwave]

Btw, he's not doing it to me, he's doing it to a friend of mine. I told her that if she wants to continue dating, slow it down.

[BriarRose]

No, wouldn't bother me at all. I would enjoy all of it. It is definitely indicative of someone with money, though, so "simpler" displays of affection are no less meaningful. The fancy stuff is nice, but he obviously has the money for it. A card and flowers would be just as nice, IMO.

[annie24]

No, wouldn't bother me at all. I would enjoy all of it. It is definitely indicative of someone with money, though, so "simpler" displays of affection are no less meaningful. The fancy stuff is nice, but he obviously has the money for it. A card and flowers would be just as nice, IMO.

 

that's an interesting point. in one of the mars and venus books, the author has a theory about how the sexes assign 'points.' whereas for men, the more expensive gift = more points, for women, a single flower that cost $3 or running an errand for her or a more pricey gift = 1 point.

 

like you, sure i wouldn't mind getting a really expensive necklace set or fancy dinners, but even a single flower and him making me some pasta would be just as romantic.