Is this just a guy thing? or is it me?

[avalon24]

Is it a trait of men to over share details, is it a relationship/closeness thing or just some guys?

I have a friend who has over shared what I think of as minor details that I really don't need to know. Like today, he and I were supposed to meet up briefly to exchange something, he had told me before that he had a meeting before going into work and where that meeting was. When I got a hold of him today, he mentions that not only did his meeting run long, but that the location changed and to where.

I'm not fully understanding how these details were really my business as I had already told him that it was up to him, time and place when we meet as I was free all afternoon, and it was dependent on him and his schedule. I appreciate the fact that he keeps me updated when I NEED to know things, but not sure why I needed to know that the location changed, I kind of understand that he would be running late.

I have also noticed that other guys in my life sometimes do this. They end up telling what I think of as details that I or others don't need to know.

I don't know. Maybe it's just me.

So is it a guy thing, a relationship/closeness thing, just some guys who do this?

Or is it me, and I just don't understand.

Explain please.

 

 

I do want to clarify first that his original meeting place and rescheduled meeting place where only about 10 minutes apart, down the same road, so no real difference there. It really didn't matter if he was coming from location A or location B.

 

 

CLARIFICATION:

When I asked if it was me, I was NOT asking if it was a character flaw within myself, me over analyzing ANYTHING or me having a problem with it.

I was asking if it was maybe something ABOUT me that people tell me more details than the do other people.

I would appreciate if you are going to answer that you don't assume you know things about me, and how I think or feel about this situation or tell me that I am Over Analyzing a part of MY life, if you don't like that it seems that is what I am doing then feel free to move along to another question because this question ISN'T about whether or not I have a problem with the amount of details he shares or if I am in fact over analyzing it. This question is, why does he and others do it?

[Capricorn3]

It sounds like he was making conversation and nothing more. Simply being polite/courteous (imo). I'm not sure what the problem is.

[avalon24]

There is no problem! It is just something I have noticed that guys I know do.

Yeah, guys, as in plural, more than one, this is just an example of one of the guys and how he did it today. Nothing more.

Just wondered if it was something guys in general do or if maybe it's more to do with me, my relationship with them that causes it.

[Capricorn3]

Ohhh, sorry, lol. I thought you had a problem with it and that it annoys you, lol.

I think a lot of people do this, not only men. Sounds fairly normal to me. ~shrug~

[YakasJourney]

The way you describe it, it's like you are trying to meet this guy like he is just some dude off craigslist! Is he actually your friend??

[avalon24]

yeah, I personally know him,

[Rangafro]

Sharing a lot of irrelevant details on something can be a sign of lying, as if they are over-compensating by trying too hard to fabricate a scenario. Not trying to accuse anyone, just saying.

[avalon24]

Ohhh, sorry, lol. I thought you had a problem with it and that it annoys you, lol.

I think a lot of people do this, not only men. Sounds fairly normal to me. ~shrug~

 

Lol, yeah, I realized it kinda sounded that way, until this guy, I had only met 2 others who did this, and one was my dad, now I seem to encounter it more.

But this guy, and he is a good friend, does this a lot. Sometimes it comes accross as if he is "answering" to me or something.

[avalon24]

Sharing a lot of irrelevant details on something can be a sign of lying, as if they are over-compensating by trying too hard to fabricate a scenario. Not trying to accuse anyone, just saying.

 

That's a good thing to know, but with this ONE guy, he has no reason to lie to me, and never has. I know tons of his secrets, so I don't think it's is that.

 

But yeah, definitely a good thing to know, thanks.

[leq]

Over analyzing

[nutbrownhare]

Some people just like to share lots and lots of detail. Sometimes it can be interesting; sometimes they just assume that others are as fascinated by the minutiae of their everyday lives as they are; it can be terribly boring for the recipient. I recently went on a four hour car journey with someone like this; I was feeling too tired to make much conversation myself or change the subject. By the end of the trip I was ready to chew my own foot off!

 

Both sexes do it, but I guess it may be more of a guy thing because (gross generalisation, with apologies here) they are generally less astute at picking up clues that the other person is bored to death, e.g. the other person falls asleep, says they have an urgent appointment to cut their toenails, gets a wild-eyed look, attempts to chew off right foot.

 

While people who are deliberately lying will often give unnecessary detail, I don't think this trait generally indicates dishonesty.

[sidehop]

^^Men...I tell you! image removed

 

Some people to over analyze and it just comes out of their mouth. And guys will say things most women won't say. They have no boundaries sometimes, maybe it is a guy thing, or some just want to share because they really think the other person cares.

[fLuiD]

I think it is you. You are looking too much into this.

[fLuiD]

I think it is him being apologetic about being late or just a way of venting about the unexpected changes. You sound annoyed by it for some reason.

[DN]

I have noticed the opposite actually - women tend to share many more details about their lives and doings than men. But only in general - there are verbose and taciturn people from both sexes.

[sophie274]

I have noticed the opposite actually - women tend to share many more details about their lives and doings than men. But only in general - there are verbose and taciturn people from both sexes.

 

Yeah I agree. I know a lot more chatty women than men. In fact, I'm usually surprised when I find a guy who is very talkative, especially on the phone. Either way, the level of detail this guy is giving sounds completely normal to me, not over sharing or socially clueless or whatever.

[avalon24]

Over analyzing

 

 

 

I may be "over analyzing" but that was not at all part of my question, when I asked if it was just me, I meant was it something about me that causes people, and in particular THIS guy to tell me details.

 

And as it is MY life I am allowed to analyze any part of it I want, how much I want. YOU don't have to like it, nor does anyone else.

 

*Sorry if I just sounded * * * * * y, but I didn't ask if I was over analyzing it, so I felt this comment was better left to themselves.

[avalon24]

I think it is him being apologetic about being late or just a way of venting about the unexpected changes. You sound annoyed by it for some reason.

 

I think it is you. You are looking too much into this.

 

 

I honestly don't CARE that you think I am looking too much into this, I didn't ask that and it isn't relevant.

 

And NO I don't have a PROBLEM with it, just wondered why he, and others do it.

 

Once I again when I asked if it was ME, I was asking if it was something about me that caused him to tell me details. Not asking if it was a character flaw with ME!

[PsychGirly]

It's not a "guy" thing, I think it's a personality thing, IMO.

 

I'm like that, as well. I tend to overexplain myself & include a lot of unnecessary information in my conversations lol

 

Trust me, once you come accross someone who barely utters 2 words & doesn't care to explain anything, you appreciate the explainers.

 

My ex used to annoy the heck out of me with that. "What are you doing? NOTHING" "Where are you? SOMEWHERE" "Who are you with? SOME FRIENDS" -_-

[avalon24]

I am used to the people who never explain anything, so having a few people who do is new for me and I'm adjusting to it. It's hard for me to handle.

[PsychGirly]

I am used to the people who never explain anything, so having a few people who do is new for me and I'm adjusting to it. It's hard for me to handle.

 

I know what you mean.

 

If you want my honest opinion, I think it's something you should just accept & adjust to, like you mentioned.

 

It's a good quality, IMO. Even if it seems like "too much info", the person cares enough to share it with you, so I can't see how it would be a bad thing.

 

I've had people subtly call me out on it by, for example, interrupting me while I'm "overexplaining", & it kind of hurts to think they don't care to know/listen.

[DN]

I may be "over analyzing" but that was not at all part of my question, when I asked if it was just me, I meant was it something about me that causes people, and in particular THIS guy to tell me details.

 

And as it is MY life I am allowed to analyze any part of it I want, how much I want. YOU don't have to like it, nor does anyone else.

 

*Sorry if I just sounded * * * * * y, but I didn't ask if I was over analyzing it, so I felt this comment was better left to themselves.

 

Moderator Note:

Please be aware that members are allowed to post their opinions on topics that are raised even if you don't like or agree with what they say. Unless their post is against the rules, such as being off-topic, then their posts will remain.

In this instance, you asked a question and received an on-topic answer - which basically was that "yes it is you because it is you that it is over-analysing".

[avalon24]

I know what you mean.

 

If you want my honest opinion, I think it's something you should just accept & adjust to, like you mentioned.

 

It's a good quality, IMO. Even if it seems like "too much info", the person cares enough to share it with you, so I can't see how it would be a bad thing.

 

I've had people subtly call me out on it by, for example, interrupting me while I'm "overexplaining", & it kind of hurts to think they don't care to know/listen.

 

Yeah, I would never ask him why he does it as I wouldn't want to make him feel bad.

What I am used to with friends is them telling me that they went out to dinner with some other friends, they don't typically mention where or who with as that is just how we are, those aren't relevant details I guess, to us, unless we want to mention something specific about the place or who we were with.

So having a person who is a good friend, but still a newish friend who will readily tell me more details is odd to me. I didn't know if it was just him, guys (or some people in general), how close he feels to me, or maybe something about me, for whichever reasons tells me more. As I said I am now also meeting new people who are also doing this, so that's why I wonder if its me, like something about me where the feel comfortable or something.

[Capricorn3]

I still say it sounds like simply making conversation or sharing/explaining a certain situation - all very normal human behaviour and not gender specific (imo). Unless you're from another culture where this is unheard of, I don't see how sharing some minor details would be viewed as odd.

[avalon24]

It's not, but if you'd read my last reply I did explain that with other friends I am more used to no additional details unless they are needed or relate to the story, such as you should really try the chicken at BLANK restaurant or BLANK said while we were out.

It is what my friends are used to, few to no details that aren't relevant.

So having someone, and now a few someone's in my life who give those details is ODD for that reason, that I'm not used to it.