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I am tired of people judging me for not dating fathers


newwave

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This is my pet peeve. I don't date guys with kids. I have in the past and never again. The reasons? First off, a guy with kids will spend more time with his kids, which is understandable. However, that may involve him taking them on dates. Second, he might have a crazy exwife. I knew women who dated these types of guys and the exwives sued the exhusband for more child support because the new wife was making money. No way am I paying for someone else's kids. Third, I may want kids myself, and don't want them to compete with other kids. Related to that, I want my first kids to be his and for it to be an experience that's new to both of us. However, I could deal with a guy raising kids not biologically his, such as nieces/nephews (I dated a guy raising his niece).

 

Having said all the reasons why I don't date fathers, I get a lot of flack for it. I get I must hate kids, or I am picky. No, I don't want to deal with additional drama. However, many of these same people see nothing wrong with guys not dating fat women. Why are women not supposed to be picky but not men?

 

Btw, I know someone will say "but at your age most men are fathers". I am aware of that and don't need to repeat it. I won't bend on this so don't even try. And don't get me started on never married fathers.

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Btw, I know someone will say "but at your age most men are fathers". I am aware of that and don't need to repeat it. I won't bend on this so don't even try. And don't get me started on never married fathers.

 

How old are you?

 

I think you should date whoever you want. And if it means there is no one for you to date ... well, it doesn't effect others so they shouldn't care too much.

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Does this only apply to men that have younger children? What if his kids are in their teens or early adults? Just wondering....

 

Having asked that, I will say that many people have different reasons for wanting or not wanting to date someone. You don't need to take anyone's nasty comments. To each their own, really.

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You are more than free to date whomever you please... I don't think anyone should knock you for it. I believe where most people are coming from are personal reasons... i.e. they themselves are single parents and they feel your opinion is knockin them and their criteria personally. I believe what most are trying to say as well is that it can happen to anyone, men or women, so you shouldn't knock something as tables can turn and it can happen to you.

 

You say "at your age"... I take this meaning you're older correct? Others are right, you are lowering your odds in the pool... Not only this, but what happens if you yourself have children and get divorced? I'm pretty sure you would be offended if a man told you he wuoldn't date you because you have children. I know it's hard to say now, and you can easily say it won't bother you, but I guarantee your mind will change if you were actually in that position. I think that's probably just what most of the people are trying to say who are knocking you. But by the way, I doubt you'll ever be in that position as most older men are mature enough to handle relationships with baggage. I have yet to met a man older than 35 or so who wouldn't date women with children...

 

And by the way, children are a choice for people... Not everyone wants children... So I completely understand where you are coming from. I personally don't care either way if a man has children or not. I love kids, mine or not. I don't feel the need to compete with a man's children as either way, I treat them like my own and am mature enough to handle exes, "baby mama drama", and other drama that might occur. All relationships have problems, with a man with children, it just includes a little more with slightly different kinds... I can deal with that.

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what about a guy who is a deadbeat dad and has no connection to his children?

 

i think at your age (no offense) it does limit your dating pool quite a bit. my friend is dating a man with 2 children, he has 50% custody and actively parents them. he is a very good father and i really like that about him that he makes time for my friend AND his children. He seems like a really loving and caring man, and would make a good father to my friend's children, if they get married and have kids.

 

well, it's your life, your choice. we are all entitled to figure out our deal breakers!

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I see nothing wrong with that, absolutely nothing. I know VERY FEW women who are involved in relationships with men with children who don't have "baby mama" drama. VERY FEW. I am a single parent, but I have no part in my ex's life and vice versa. He was never much of a father at all.

 

Having said that - and I now prepare myself for the throwing of stones - I feel the same way you do. I don't mind the children themselves, but after what I've seen with the mothers, no thank you. My child is older now and she's pretty much independent. I was never a problem to her father either so I don't quite understand the women who like to create drama.

 

Now I'm not saying I'd rule fathers out altogether, but it is merely a strong preference. He would have to assure me that there won't be any issues with the mama.

 

I also would have no problem with a man who doesn't want to date me because I am a single parent, although it's never happened. It's a personal preference. There are some who will accept the situation and others who won't. To each his/her own.

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what about a guy who is a deadbeat dad and has no connection to his children?

 

i think at your age (no offense) it does limit your dating pool quite a bit. my friend is dating a man with 2 children, he has 50% custody and actively parents them. he is a very good father and i really like that about him that he makes time for my friend AND his children. He seems like a really loving and caring man, and would make a good father to my friend's children, if they get married and have kids.

 

well, it's your life, your choice. we are all entitled to figure out our deal breakers!

 

A definite no! LOL

 

Hey, she could always date younger men

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You are entitle by your opinion but there is alot of assumption going on.. Just because a guy has a kid means he is tide into drama with the ex.

 

in my friend's case, her boyfriend and his ex-wife have a very civil relationship. she has remarried. they seem to co-parent very well, no drama there. they both moved on.

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A definite no! LOL

 

Hey, she could always date younger men

 

yeah, exactly. i would rather date a man who is good to the children he has rather than the guy who has cut them and his ex out of his life for good. but of course, i understand not wanting to date a man with children at all.

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Hey, she could always date younger men

 

Look at that!

 

Problem?....Solution...

 

I like it!

 

OP-to me the more important point is WHY do you feel the need to share this criteria in the first place, and WHY do you care what others think?

 

It's no one elses business. Frankly, more people need to focus on dating people who suit their goals and dreams and not just anyone in 'the pool'. Wanting to have a child together first is understandable. There's nothing 'wrong' with your reasoning.

 

If you really must respond to these people who think they know better than you do, who you should date, I'd be tempted to come up with a few sarcastic remarks...

 

"I'm really just protecting the innocent children from me..I'd be quite the wicked stepmother..."

 

"I'm looking for a virgin-I need to sacrifice him to the Gods"

 

"Well, the truth is, I mate like a praying mantis, and I don't want to be responsible for making anyone an orphan"

 

"Kids? No. See the problem is, my house is made of Gingerbread, and I'm afraid they'd eat all the gumdrop furniture"

 

And then walk away. You don't need to dignify uninvited commentary on your personal life with a legitimate response...

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If you meet a guy with no kids at that age, odds are he doesn't want children. I'm just saying that because it's what I've been coming accross. As far as never married with kids, I agree to stay away IMO he's a man who won't commit and I'm not about to be played. There's no reason to have a child with a woman and not have been married to her at some point IMO. It's shows bad character.

 

As for axing men with children, you're going to have to date younger guys because your age range has kids or doesn't want them. And if they're not players they married those women at some point so they have ex wives. Not all women are drama queens. And in my state your child support is based on the child's parents income not their new spouses in addition to the parents income, but with my son I did have built in raises every 3 years. Wasn't much but it was to counter-affect inflation.

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