Just lost my ex girlfriend (love of my life) to cancer..

[jherring]

I am a guy and my ex girlfriend and I had broken up a few months ago, she left me, because she didnt think it was right she stayed in my life, since she had cancer. I was quite upset with this. She later started talking to me and we would talk daily, then she fell ill again, last month. Today I found out that she passed away on Friday. I regret that I was not there with her in person, but after losing a child myself, last year, around the same time, I was in my own zone. My ex girlfriend's family wont tell me where her resting place is, nor did they permit me to go to the service. According to them, I was her ex, despite my ex and I talking every day, up to her having surgery. To make matters worse, I received a card that contained a note from her, she apparently had it posted last week. Her last message to me made me cry. I still am crying and at a loss for words. I am going to give her family time, then approach them again, so I can take flowers to my ex's resting place and pay my respects. I have read some of the stories on this forum and it has helped me today. I know that March will be an even sadder month for the rest of my life, for I lost my daughter this month last year and the woman I loved.

[guynextdoor]

I'm sorry, my condolences.

[thathoopla]

I am so, so, so sorry to hear what has happened. You have a friend in us over here.

[vertigoxo]

I'm so sorry... This is all too sad. Realize you've done all you can. She is in a better place now and I'm sure she wouldn't want you to suffer this much.

 

You two are in my prayers.

[sidehop]

I'm very sorry and I'm sure with enough time on their side as well, they may understand your request and allow you to see where she's resting.

[faithful14]

I'm so sorry for your losses : (

[alli]

I'm so sorry to hear that, and especially that her family won't allow you to participate in anything. Maybe one day when this isn't so raw they will allow you to visit her at her grave.

[jherring]

Thanks to everyone who has responded. I hope that her family changes their mind about this also, but I will keep my ex girlfriend and my daughter in my prayers each and every day. I just finished writing a letter, that I was writing in response to receiving my ex's last message. It was hard but I was able to get many things off my chest in that letter. I just keep thinking about her last line in the letter she sent me, about how she would keep me in her heart always.

[SnowFox]

I am very sorry for your loss.

[KG]

I'm very sorry. You have my condolenses.

[thejigsup]

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find peace, you more than deserve it. Let her family heal a bit, and then see what you can do. Peace.

[jherring]

Thanks to everyone for their nice words. Today was rough. I talked to someone on her BBM and asked that person about at least allowing me to go to her house and place a flower there or send a card, just do something and they were adamant and said no. I should explain that her family did not think too much of me. Her family is quite well off and well I am an injured war vet (got injured in A'stan). I have so many answers and questions about my her last day, hours, minutes, but no one wants to talk to me, they think that I was not worthy enough to be with my ex, since I wasnt wealthy, just a down on his luck ex army sgt. In counseling today I discussed all my feelings and maybe I should just go to her home and let whatever happens, but I want to give them time, but they appear as if they wont budget and let me know anything.

[brwneyedgrl333]

jherring

 

I am so sorry for your losses. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you today.

[jherring]

Today I received a few messages from someone in her family, on my blackberry messenger. The messages said that I would never know her final resting place and that they would delete me off her messenger. I was upset of course but reminded them that she always saw the best in me, her last note was so loving and kind and that she would not want her family treating me this way. I am trying to be patience but its hard, I really want to go to where she is, and say my own private goodbye. I have written so much on paper since this happened. Today I sent a message asking them if they would leave some flowers I will send and a note on her grave site, if they do not want me there. Its been 7 hours and no response. Everyone is telling me to be strong to give it time, that they will budge eventually but I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I may never be able to say goodbye properly. I remember my last conversation with her, she was happy, because she had spent the day by herself and out of the hospital. I miss her so much...

[SnowFox]

I hope you are able to find out where she is buried.... but if they won't tell you, and you aren't able to find out, perhaps you could think of some special spot that was meaningful to both of you and either have some kind of ceremony there by yourself or with others or think of a place that was special to her and see if you can dedicate a plaque or something to her- like on a park bench or somewhere they allow those.

 

Those are options for people who have lost someone and they don't know where their body is, or they went missing and were never found, or things like that.

 

The point is that you can create a special physical place that will give you a way to honor and remember her - that is not dependent on what her family decides about it.

[sidehop]

I'm just wondering, are these types of information available in public? There can only be so many cemeteries in any given location to know if she's resting in one of them.

 

Considering private cemeteries are difficult to create in many states (at least in the US), I wouldn't be surprised if she's laying in peace nearby.

 

Of course if you do find the location you'll want to pick a time that you know the family will likely be not there. I don't think there's any laws against being at the someone's cemetery because a family member does not want you there.

 

I hope you do find her resting place.

[jherring]

I'm just wondering, are these types of information available in public? There can only be so many cemeteries in any given location to know if she's resting in one of them.

 

Considering private cemeteries are difficult to create in many states (at least in the US), I wouldn't be surprised if she's laying in peace nearby.

 

Of course if you do find the location you'll want to pick a time that you know the family will likely be not there. I don't think there's any laws against being at the someone's cemetery because a family member does not want you there.

 

I hope you do find her resting place.

 

She is buried overseas, assuming her family told the truth about this. Today they told me that I had no business with their daughter and that they cant be bothered with me and that out of respect for my ex, I should leave things the way they are. When I told them about my memorial plans for her (I am going to donate to the American Cancer Society in her name and make a donation to a local park, so one of the recreational picnic shelters can bear her name (she loved dogs and children and this park is a dog park also) they said that I had no right to do this or use her name. They also said that they would just simply ignore me and that as far as they are concerned I dont exist. Harsh I know. My priest told me to continue finding ways to honor her and to continue coping the best I know how. Today I went outside by this tree that she loved to sit under with me and thought about her today.

[sidehop]

I'm very sorry to hear that. The family may be keeping you away but nothing will ever take the love you two had in between. I hope you do find your peace and keep all of the good thoughts. I'm very sure she's missing you from above but smiling to know how much you cared and loved her.

[jherring]

Well its almost been a month and I have had limited contact with one of her family members on the blackberry messenger. The person told me that my ex had changed her mind and will and made it so I would not get 1 single personal item of hers and that I was not to be told that she died. I have tried asking for information but nothing. Then the person said that I would be deleted off my ex's BBM and one day I was. I immediately added the contact back and was re added. I talked to this person a bit, but all they would do is berate me and they deleted me again and will not re-add me. Her family has provided an address where I can send a card and I wanted to send information about the things I have done in her memory, but I am not sure I should. A friend suggested I send anything that helps me find closure. It really hurts that she would change her mind and not leave me a note or anything, but what can I do? Its hard dealing with this more so each day. Not sure what to do anymore.

[Miss Firecracker]

jherring,

 

I am sorry you lost two loved ones in a year's time. It's hard for me to imagine going through that. At this point I would never contact her family again. They do not want to be bothered. That is one cold family.

[sidehop]

The person told me that my ex had changed her mind and will and made it so I would not get 1 single personal item of hers and that I was not to be told that she died.

 

I have my doubts as you didn't see any of this, only her family who's been so cold to you all this time. I do hope you find your closure soon.

[KG]

jherring,

Hold her in your heart, keep her close, they can't take that away from you.

 

My condolonses....

KG

[jherring]

Well I have closure somewhat and its mixed news. A friend of mine saw photos of my ex girlfriend, alive and well on another friend's facebook page. Turns out that it was all a lie about her dying. I am even questioning if she even has cancer now and just everything. I am of course shocked that someone would do this. But I think her family did this to get me out of her life, they never approved of me anyways. I did try contacting my ex girlfriend via the telephone and Blackberry messenger but my messages are not being read and she isnt returning voicemails. I do want to thank everyone for their support and wishes, I am going to bury myself into my room and wonder what did I ever do for someone to play with my heart and mind this way.

[alli]

Well I have closure somewhat and its mixed news. A friend of mine saw photos of my ex girlfriend, alive and well on another friend's facebook page. Turns out that it was all a lie about her dying. I am even questioning if she even has cancer now and just everything. I am of course shocked that someone would do this. But I think her family did this to get me out of her life, they never approved of me anyways. I did try contacting my ex girlfriend via the telephone and Blackberry messenger but my messages are not being read and she isnt returning voicemails. I do want to thank everyone for their support and wishes, I am going to bury myself into my room and wonder what did I ever do for someone to play with my heart and mind this way.

 

WOW. That is insane.

[sidehop]

Well I have closure somewhat and its mixed news. A friend of mine saw photos of my ex girlfriend, alive and well on another friend's facebook page. Turns out that it was all a lie about her dying. I am even questioning if she even has cancer now and just everything. I am of course shocked that someone would do this. But I think her family did this to get me out of her life, they never approved of me anyways. I did try contacting my ex girlfriend via the telephone and Blackberry messenger but my messages are not being read and she isnt returning voicemails. I do want to thank everyone for their support and wishes, I am going to bury myself into my room and wonder what did I ever do for someone to play with my heart and mind this way.

 

Wow...that is beyond screwed up whether it was her and/or the family's idea. I was wondering how things were but this is just unacceptable to play with anyone's heart. I'm very sorry to hear, you did nothing wrong...if this was all a lie there is some SERIOUS issue with her or the family.