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3 years down the drain.

 

i was in a wonderful relationship with a guy who would of walked on water for me 3 months ago. it was live-in. we moved fast. he moved in when i was around sixteen years old. i'm 19 now. he just turned 21.

 

there were warning signs despite his undying love for me. he was afraid of commitment. i had to find an alternative program for him to get through high school. he has been at the same low paying job since he was fifteen, which just involved packing trucks. if i ever asked him about the future, he would tell me he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, and we would get into arguments because i felt he had potential. i started working two jobs, and going to school which distanced our time a little.

 

around valentines day he went mia for 2 days. i found mutual friend tagged photos of him on facebook with an ex fling who was all over him. she is seventeen, might I add, with very little responsibilities or cares in the world. he came home acting like nothing was wrong. i made the mistake of screaming at him, and punching him. which was very uncool, but i was just so angry and hurt and i didn't know what to do. i know that physical violence is never OK and i am not trying to excuse it but i am 90 pounds and stand in at 5'0. he is around 215 pounds, so i pretty much just slapped him. he denied up and down that he was seeing this girl. he left. i begged for him to come back.

 

we've been broken up a month. the man who cried and cried if we ever discussed a break or breakup, is now spending every waking moment with said girl and is doing all the * * * * we used to do. making dinner, sleeping together, ect. it makes me nauseous.

 

we went for a ride together. i looked him in the eyes, searching for the happy man who loved me so very much a few months ago and i found nothing but cold eyes and resentment.

 

"it's been two weeks. why aren't you over this? i didn't develop feelings for her overnight like you suggested, but when we spent more time together yes, the feelings rekindled."

 

"2 weeks? we've been together around 3 years and I'm supposed to be over this.. not to mention be over it when I know you're seeing someone else?"

 

the thing i don't get about the situation is that he had a chance to date this girl before as she was an ex flame he used to sleep with. he never dated her previously, and used to make fun of her promiscuity and call her a * * * * * , ect. he jumped straight from our relationship into doing everything he did with me, with her.

 

i don't understand how you can fall out of love overnight. i know it sounds naive, but he did truly love me very much. i know this. my family knows this.

 

i'm so heartbroken, and sometimes i don't want to live. i know that sounds ridiculous, but i'm aching and it's the worst feeling in the world. seeing their status updates... talking about doing stuff we used to do.

 

makes me want to die.

 

just so confused about his actions. he loved me SO much.

 

i need someone or something to help me get through this. please talk to me if you can. my AOL messenger is shawnakatify.

 

](*,)](*,)](*,)

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I would clearly understand your frustration if the two of you were about 10 years older but unfortunately, in today's day and age, this type of scenario is to be expected from someone who just left their teens pretty much. I think if you would ask any 19 or 20 year old what he sees in the future, at least half would shake their head and say I don't know. The two of you are still very young and have much to experience in life as individuals and chances are good that perhaps in the future you will get back together.

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This must be very difficult to go through.

 

First thing you need to do is deactivate your facebook. Or else delete your ex off of your facebook for awhile so you don't see the status updates. It is going to kill you to continue checking and seeing what he is up to. I deactivated my facebook a month ago, for different reasons, but I can tell you my quality of life has improved since i did it. I feel like I actually HAVE a life now and not a pretend one on facebook.

 

Secondly, realize, he is just rebounding off this girl, and he is young and doesn't know what he really wants. He will probably regret his decision later down the road, and honestly, things are new and exciting with this girl now but give it a couple months and it will start to get old and he will reconsider his options.

 

What you need to do right now is move on from this relationship, as hard as it is going to be, every single day will get easier. Just do what you need to do to get from day to day right now. Keep yourself busy, keep yourself active, find who YOU are.

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I just posted a facebook status saying "Someone sell me a cheap gps!" and he responded with "Do you want yours back?"

 

He had previously bought me a GPS for my birthday. I gave it back to him upon breaking up to preserve my dignity, and for the sheer fact that it was a depressing reminder.

 

I responded to his message with "Thanks. I'm alright with that"

 

He responded with

 

"I did buy it for you. You should keep it"

 

So, i've left it at that. HE was the last one to message me. No more responses to him. I'm pretty proud of myself considering I would of continued the conversation previously.

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I know we are young, which makes the situation sound silly... but it was love. And yes, I agree he is rebounding. But I don't know how long it will take to get out of his system. Do I move on, or do I wait?

 

The tough thing about waiting for him is that he can be with her and then move on to someone else after that. I know it sounds patronizing to say that you are young, but it's true. You both are young. He's still trying to figure out what he wants in life and from a gf and it's best for you to move on for now. Who knows what could happen down the road. But for now you need to heal and think about other options for you too. Best!

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Kat, honestly, listen to these people. NC is a good way. Just ignore him. People like him are terrible. My girlfriend was a disgusting monster who used me for money and comfort..while sleeping with so many other people.

 

You need to realize that people like them, they don't care. They really don't. All they think about is themselves.

 

I swear to god you will realize one day how much better off you are.

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Kat, honestly, listen to these people. NC is a good way. Just ignore him. People like him are terrible. My girlfriend was a disgusting monster who used me for money and comfort..while sleeping with so many other people.

 

You need to realize that people like them, they don't care. They really don't. All they think about is themselves.

 

I swear to god you will realize one day how much better off you are.

 

I'm afraid that if I delete him from facebook, he will never talk to me again or think that I've shut him out of my life. I am resuming with the NC on the basis that *I* do not initiate conversation, and if I reply it is very short and curt. I don't know if I should just completely ignore him, or what. I don't want him to go away. I know I'm better off then this bull * * * * , but you know how it goes. I don't know how men work because they're all so damn different. If I ignore him completely, maybe he'd be confused.

 

:sad:

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Cheating people just haven't faced the consequence they need to face to stop them doing it.

 

India for example, "extreme case as it maybe" wives who do cheat get the acid.

 

But by the way people cheat it makes me believe this is a part of human nature.

Just look for the Poll on how many people cheat or have cheated in comparison to who have not somewhere here in ENA.

 

I also read somewher that monogamy is not natural in humans.

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Cheating people just haven't faced the consequence they need to face to stop them doing it.

 

India for example, "extreme case as it maybe" wives who do cheat get the acid.

 

But by the way people cheat it makes me believe this is a part of human nature.

Just look for the Poll on how many people cheat or have cheated in comparison to who have not somewhere here in ENA.

 

I also read somewher that monogamy is not natural in humans.

 

Cheating IMO is forgivable if it's a one time mistake. Lust happens. It's a part of human nature, biologically as you said. How my [now] ex has treated me is not.

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wow...that is also another sad story. i don't know how he can be so cruel so fast? but then again...look on the positive side, this happened when you are a young 20 instead of 25 or 30.

 

i see some problems with him anyway.

he doesn't have direction

he talks to his ex--and was in a relationship with you and had feelings for her

he doens't have motivation

 

i also cancelled my facebook,myspace,all social networking and have become a much happier person. people write things on there to get attention! get your closest friends numbers and text them or call them to keep in touch. all social networking is EVIL. lol

 

i think just keep your head above water and function and make good decisions cuz you're young and you can always turn to bad things like alcohol or quitting school or your job. don't expect yourself to be ok right away. its going to take time. take it day by day. good luck hon....you'll come out of it!

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im sorry about your situation, i'm actually going through something similar myself, except my ex told me that she's not going out with another guy but merely using him. The thought of her with another guy kills me but i can't even imagine breaking up after a 3 year relationship... especially knowing how close you two were it doesnt make any sense. It's just my feeling but theres no way he doesnt have any lingering feelings/memories of your time together, no one can get over a long-term relationship that quickly and come out unscathed.. you said that you looked into his eyes and couldn't see the guy you loved anymore but he's definitely in there, my feeling is that he's just repressing the memories because it's too painful. Some ppl will just cling onto another person (rebound girl) and experience that intimacy he felt with you rather then face the painful truth.. sorry does that make any sense?

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