dealing with trust issues

[danyo112]

Hi, im looking for an outside perspective on this, thoughts and or direction, advice, anything will help!

 

ill give a little background. Im 22 years old, ive had 1 other serious relationship that lasted 3.5 years in high school. I have been cheated on (it was when she was blacked out, most of the problems happened because of alcohol). Since then ive had some flings here and there, but ive recently been dating a girl for 8 months, she is 20 and still in college and in a sorority. about 1.5 months in she was drinking, took a xanex, blacked out, ran into a guy she had made out with before. He took her for a walk and tried to take advantage of her, they ended up making out. I made it clear that this has happened to me before and is a really big deal to me. maybe 1.5 months later we went to a wedding and her friend had xanex, she was already drunk asked for one, then took it. i found out,got extremely mad and we fought the rest of the night. I told her again, this is a serious deal and im not gonna date someone who acts like this. Since then, sometimes when she gets drunk, she can be mean or very sensitive, i've talked to her about that too. (by the way, i know i'm not perfect either, so i don't want to give the impression that she is a terrible girlfriend, she is awesome when shes sober, as well as faithful). So now here we are, she went to a co-workers party, got drunk, came back to her sorority, met a random guy who started talking to her outside, the topic got to weed and he asked her if she wanted to smoke, she thought it would be right then and there and she wanted to smoke, but they ended up getting into his car and driving around looking for a blunt wrap. she texted me during the car ride saying that "im in a persons car and i hope he is ok..i hope i didnt make a huge mistake", i was asleep, i didnt see it till i got to work. I have talked with her a little over messenger, she said it was a stupid idea and was sorry, but i'm just so mad. Everything ended up being okay and she was safe, but im upset that she makes poor and stupid decisions. she is going to mexico (puerto vallarta) with 3 of her girl friends for spring break in 2 weeks, and wants to go off the resort to go clubbing, i've already talked and argued with her multiple time about my thoughts and worries. im just worried and i really dont know if i trust her. I know she is younger and still in college, but given my situation and past history, id like her to let me know if shes drinking. i dont know what to do, i dont want to sound like her father. please help me!

[metrogirl]

I really think that her inability to refrain from going into men's cars while drunk and high is going to be the demise of your relationship.

[MidnightBeauty]

You cant help a person if they dont want help, you told her how you felt and she isnt even trying to build your trust, all I hear here is the word ''sorry''/ theres no action behind that word, another thing I think she likes her life style being crazy etc, I also think she likes you worried and on the edge, I only say this by the text she sent you while being in a car with a stranger....why was she sending that in the first place? if she has a feeling its wrong then why do it.. unless shes enjoying this.

[geekgirl4]

if she was sorry she would DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. let's face it, we all make mistakes, but if you're with someone who matters, you do something about those mistakes - you learn from them and do your best to avoid them. Seems to me that a vacation with girlfriends for 2 weeks and promises of clubbing means you'll be exhausted from anger and fighting again. Don't do this to yourself. She's already done this three times!

 

The fact that you got angry, she said sorry, and you let it slide just means she's learning that it's ok to keep doing it. Sure, she'll tick you off, but as long as she says sorry, she's thinking it's ok to do it next time. You've obviously let it be known that it's an important issue yet she continues to go on with her habits. If something is important to my partner, I try to make it important to me. Sorry can only take you so far. I think you need to end things now and (for the sake of the future men who date her) teach her that this sort of behavior actually leads to permanent consequences, like losing you.