Boyfriend is a dirty hippie

[Miss Firecracker]

Clearly the lighthearted joke (title) went way over everyone's heads.

 

That wasn't a joke. He is a dirty hippie. And it isn't funny even if it was a joke.

 

I am also confused about the point of the thread. You don't approve of his filthy home, and you will not do anything to change it. So what do you want people to give you here?

 

I hope you don't expect him to change this, because he will not.

[Capricorn3]

Clearly the lighthearted joke (title) went way over everyone's heads.

It has nothing whatsoever to do with the title. Everyone responded to the very real issue at hand - he IS filthy and three years of not cleaning IS a huge problem and health risk and downright disgusting (at least to everyone who has responded). It wasn't a joke, no matter how you slice it.

 

I'm not sure what answers you were expecting. If you want to sort it out the only way is to discuss it with him, (which you dont want to do because you fear pushing him away). Not much esle you can do, but tell him.

 

He won't change, so either you live with the filth, or leave.

[dragon lady]

We just had a talk about it.

 

I said that I feel really uncomfortable coming over because of the grime. I was very apologetic about it and I explained that I wasn't trying to change him, but that it makes me want to ask him to stay at my place more often instead of his. He was upset about it. He doesn't think it's that bad and he thinks it's normal for a single guy living on his own. I explained that it might be the case, but most normal women aren't going to want to visit.

 

Then I asked if I could AT LEAST clean the bathroom. He said we could clean it together because he doesn't want to make me do it on my own. Though he didn't look too happy about it all. I also offered to bring around a vacuum cleaner because he doesn't have one. He told me not to worry about it. Maybe I will anyway after he sees how nice it will be to have a clean bathroom.

 

I can't tell if this is progress or not. I'm hoping he will get over it.

[greywolf]

Hopefully it goes well.

[Capricorn3]

Good for you. It's one step forward in the right direction. Hope it continues improving. Good luck.

[dragon lady]

Thank you Cap and Grey.

[sophie274]

That sounds like progress! I think you could just bring the vacuum and say, off-hand "oh you know I had an extra lying around so I thought why not, I'll just park it in this closet in case you ever feel like using it".

 

I think as long as you don't mind doing a lot of the cleaning at his place, he'll probably care more about the fact that he gets to keep you than about you "changing" him.

[sidehop]

Clearly the lighthearted joke (title) went way over everyone's heads.

 

I'll admit I laughed when I read the title, being from Seattle, we have tons of hippies (lovable of course) that I can look back and think "hey...he/she was a dirty hippie..."

 

Some people just don't realize how dirty things are but there's a significant health risk if he hasn't cleaned in such long time. I don't know how exactly dirty the place is but I can tell you the carpet alone is probably toxic enough to make you sick if you were to breathe anything underneath it.

 

If you're willing to clean, ask him to spot clean different places, maybe he will realize and appreciate how dirty his place is. Indoor pollution is the #1 pollution concerns in this country. It's bad enough there are toxic fumes from all sorts of artificial/man-made products, you don't need to be breathing in his filth.

[Speranza]

FWIW you could try seeing if you can get any other guys you know to let him know that this is NOT how single guys usually live! (At least, not in the UK, perhaps it's different where you are).