Help Need advice - think he is with someone else

[Dragonlady]

Hi

 

I really need some help, I thought I was dealing with my ex leaving me (full story below). Now I have seen him with someone else and I know the car has been there all night. It's killing me thinking about him with someone else.

 

He has not made any contact during the last two months, so I assume he has forgotten about me or never cared anyway. We were together for 3 years, engaged planned the wedding, lived together - everything and for him to move on so quickly or not care at all really hurts. I wanted him back so much but without any contact at all this just seams impossible. He doesn't even know that I lost our baby.

 

I just feel sick and hurt, god I wish this pain would stop.

 

 

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[MIZZJERZEY]

i know things are hard for you right now and yes it will hurt. but gurl things happen for a reason. i have lost a baby before and i know it seems like u lost a part of you but god works in wonders. see you are now alone and you would of had to raise him/her on your own. i know that isnt too bad of a thing but now u can move on and find a man who loves you . you have been at the right place at the right time to see his car so now u know the truth . i know it is hard but move on hun and keep strong for yourself. no man is worth hurting over. there are so many fish in the sea and may i say even some sharks whom would love u 100% all u need to do it be strong and love yourself. you will oneday have a baby and will find mr right.!!! p.s maybe get some coucelling about your lost and maybe talk about your feeling with a coucelor. i hope all goes well let us know

[amaranth_04]

Hi there,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your baby. This is just not right, he sounds like a kid. Leave him behind, he's not worth it.

 

I read your other post. He seems to have the tendency to rush with things. Next time, don't give up your home and lifestyle for a guy you don't know much about. And the way he acted after your split was indeed unreasonable.

 

If he cared about you, he would have asked you when he found out about your pregnancy. You should have told him, too, but I'm pretty sure you'd have seen the ugly side of him right then. If he cared about you, he would not have kicked you out with nothing to your name.

 

Nothing said about the baby til now, what does he think happened.. you could still be carrying his child and yet he's made no move to find out about your well-being, and about his child you were carrying. In fact, he moved in the opposite direction. I mean you were carrying his child ! and yet no input from him about what the two of you should have done ?

 

You are better off w/o him. He's not worth all this hassle. Take care of your own health. He had no right treating you the way he did. Treat yourself better.

[Dragonlady]

Thank you so much for your feedback. The pain is too much to bear. I am in counselling (going tonight thank god) which is helping but I just can't let go yet. I so desperatly wanted my ex back because I remember the good side of him (think Dr jekyll - the first 2 years together & Mr Hyde the last 12 months) and I also understand his behaviour when he left me.

 

i have been trying the no contact rule and been doing Ok, even in moments when I really want to just call him but is seams this has just allowed my ex to move on and find someone else. All I wanted was him to try a 2nd time because what we had was worth it. If he has moved on so quickly does this mean that he didn't love or care about me?

 

If I continue with no contact what is the likelihood that sometime in the future he will regret what he has done and come back?

 

Thanks for reading

[amaranth_04]

If I continue with no contact what is the likelihood that sometime in the future he will regret what he has done and come back?

 

Why would you want him back ? I'm pretty sure he will just push you around. No person in their right mind and caring about you would treat you the way he did. He doesn't even seem to have any remorse.

 

You don't need to answer this, but think about his reaction or lack of one when he found out about the pregnancy, and after. A basic human concern, your well-being, and he did not show any concern.

 

You feel that you put your heart in this, and yet he's behaving as though you never mattered. Of course that hurts. But it's better to know. How much heartache will you take before you see his true self ?

 

You have given so much yes, but you've still got a lot more to give. Keep that for someone who appreciates it, someone who wants that sort of attention from you.

 

I do hope you stay away from him. If not forever, at least for now. If you feel like you really must see him, tell yourself one day when you're feeling stronger, then perhaps you will go see him. You just need more emotional distance from the situation to see the pain he has put you through. And that takes time. Quite likely by then, you will not want to know anything about him.

 

As to the likelihood if he will come back, as they say >> past behaviour is the best predictor for future behaviour.

 

I hope you're looking after yourself. Stay well.