Why say you'll be there for me when you wont?

[kt_belle]

When my ex and I broke up he and i both said that we would always be there for each other if we really needed it.

 

This week i needed it and he wasnt there for me.

 

Over the past few years my mum has tried committing suicide a couple of times and it has caused huge stress on both my family and my relatioship with my ex. 2 out of those 3 times i actually saved her life.

 

My ex and i broke up oct last year and i moved back home to deal with it. Mum attempted suicide again in dec and i saved her again.

 

Last week she had another major attempt to which i Yet again saved her.

 

I am in counselling to deal with everything but i texted my ex afterwards saying that i needed support. That i was having a hard time dealing with it all because i feel like i have no one. I lost him and im most likely going to lose her (as she is likely to succeed next time because she knows my dad will leave her if she goes downhill again).

 

He initially sent me a text saying he was there for me if i needed to talk and i sent one back saying how i was struggling. he then ignored me for days and is now having a go at me and being really mean.

 

Do i deserve this? What did i do to be treated like this? We were together for two years and he says he loves me but then he ignores me and gets angry at me just because he had a bad day. This hurts more than the break up itself. I actually feel like he is a bad person

[BriarRose]

Many men don't like to hear about things like this - disease, suicide, family drama in general. It's sad, but it's life. We have to deal with these things on our own and/or with family. I learned that when I was ill. Many men run during times like these. He has shown you he will never be there for you when you really need him. Do with that information what you will.

[magnifique]

It's as if saying they will be there is protocol. Once the relationship is over the true colors come out an it's really sad to see how little they care about how we feel. My ex is no better he is doing what he wants and could not give a damn about how I feel. I don't want to generalize but it seems like most men tend to be this way.

[BriarRose]

It's as if saying they will be there is protocol. Once the relationship is over the true colors come out an it's really sad to see how little they care about how we feel. My ex is no better he is doing what he wants and could not give a damn about how I feel. I don't want to generalize but it seems like most men tend to be this way.

I have to agree with this. My heart goes out to you and your mom...please keep posting here. WE are here for you!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I have to say that this is not a gender specific trait. There are many many women who do the same kind of thing...they walk away when their female friend needs support. Often it is casual acquaintances and strangers who are more helpful in a time of crisis than people you thought were good friends. When people don't want to be bothered, they will often be downright mean in order to make sure that you don't approach them again with your problems....of course when they have a problem, they will be the first to come to you! Your ex just showed his true colours. You are going through a horrific time and this is too much for one person to bear...try to find some support groups for families of people who have attempted suicide. In light of the recent tragic suicide of Marie Osmond's adopted son, there might be more information on the internet that will help you tap into local and online resources. Hang in there.

[shessofly]

since it is something that caused him so much stress, he probably feels perhaps relieved in thinking that since the two of you aren't together it's not his problem anymore. i know it doesn't sound right, but that may be his thoughts. he clearly is not someone you can count on. do you have other family members or friends, clergymen you can reach out to? i wouldn't count on him or call him for support for any reason in the future. i'm sorry you are going through this.

[fLuiD]

I have to say that this is not a gender specific trait.

 

 

Agreed.

 

Telling each other that you will be there no matter what and can count on each other is just an easy let down. Its a way to break up and ease some of the sting and shock that comes from break ups. Its alot like telling someone you are fine when they ask how you are doing, even though you might behvaing the worst day. Its just a courtesy thing...Don't take it too personal. Now that you know he really isn't there for you, you are on step closer to becoming independent of him.

[BriarRose]

I agree with the others, that whether gender-specific or not, clearly this man is not there for you. Don't be surprised when he resurfaces when things are going more smoothly in your life. Then, hopefully, you will no longer want anything to do with him.

[kt_belle]

Thank you everyone. You honestly cant believe how much reading this has helped. I feel like i'm in control of my emotions again.

 

And you are all right. This shows the true him. I have sent him a message outlining how he has hurt me etc and that i'd always do the right thing by him (which i would). I am pretty sure he will respond angrily but knowing him at least it will give him something to think about.

 

Back to NC i guess.

 

Its so hard because we lived together and everything. Is anyone else afraid of falling in love again because they are afraid of going through this pain again?