hmm from wanting to be in a relationship with me to silence

[DN]

 

and what do you call cooking him a really nice meal , bringing him with me to do an activity together.

 

Goodness it seems to me when i did start making an effort he stopped communicating!!

;-)

You are missing the point that people are trying to make. He did similar things and more and yet you don't call him. You are not reciprocating in the same way.

[JOYl]

Thanks Batya for that

 

i think this brings up some fears of mine that silence = rejection or breakup.

[DN]

It may be that he has lost interest - but if you like him you should find out.

[Ms Darcy]

 

and what do you call cooking him a really nice meal , bringing him with me to do an activity together.

 

Goodness it seems to me when i did start making an effort he stopped communicating!!

;-)

 

I'm wondering how your past relationships have been. Have you had men disappear like this in the past? Do you usually have relationships go long-term if they pursue you more? Share a little so we can understand your perspective.

[JOYl]

Thanks Ms Darcy, i had a pretty traumatic engagement breakup about 4 years ago, 3 months before the wedding so i spent time getting over that, and not really believing in love i had a bit of a rebound which started to go to a relationship and then backtracked and finally we were not compaitbe at all, it should have just been a rebound.

 

Now i felt ready for a real relationship after being been single for a year.I probably still have alot of trust issues though after all of that

This guy also has been thru the traumatic engagement story 10 years ago when his ex changed her mind as well.

 

I guess im just confused about the pursuing part, but you are all right since we agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend i need to be contacting as well and well yes, if he has lost interest its better to find out now rather than wondering.

[Ms Darcy]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Let me ask you, do you feel ready for love right now? Are the trust issues really wearing on you?

[aldridal]

 

what do you mean you wanted your girlfriend to work for it a little bit? work for whta exactly?

 

what you suggested sounds good. ill put it like that.

 

It just means that I wanted to see if she would contact me at all if I just didn't text/call her for a little bit. I had no problem communicating first (and I still don't), but every once in a while it's nice to hear from my girl first.

[lavenderdove]

You have to think of a relationship like a dance between two people. Sometimes he will twirl you out, and sometimes you will be held close. But you don't want to be dead weight or expect him to have to carry you around the dance floor.

 

So sometimes he will reach out for you, but sometimes you have to do the same for him, and move in his direction or meet him halfway. If the last thing that was done was all him (i.e., he arrnaged it, he called you, he bought you something), then the next thing shouuld probably be something from you (an invite for coffee, or to make him dinner).

 

Remember that both men and women can be insecure in the beginning of a relationship and unsure where they stand. So you have absolutely nothing to lose by reaching out to him, to find out if he is still interested, to make him feel like you are interested in him, to show him you don't expect him to do all the work in the courtship. Those are all good things, so you really will do damage by hanging back and not reaching out.

 

The worst thing you will find out may be he has lost interest, but then at least you know and won't waste a lot of time and energy worrying about that. But just as likely, he could have gotten really busy, or could be waiting to see if you're interested enough to reach out to him and reciprocate.

[JOYl]

yes MsDarcy i was feeling really ready and my life is in a great place for one now.

All was going great until what feels like a pullback this week

 

 

yes i can understand this of course.

 

 

true