Utterly desimated...

[patrickgamer]

I'm not going to go into details about what's happened.

 

Suffice to say she left me after 5 years, four of which we've been engaged, (no marriage because of money, not lack of commitment).

 

Knowing I would see her when I get home from work was the only thing that kept me going. I lived and breathed by her. And up to a little while ago, I would bet my sould that this was mutual.

 

Now I'm screwed. I hurt really bad, and I'm riding the bigest head f*#% of a rollercoaster. I want her back, but she may already be involved with another guy, (which by the way, the thought of made me sick to my stomach for a few hours tonight). I love her and charish her more than anything that has ever, will ever, and won't ever exist.

 

How do I overcome this grip? I can't keep living like this, I know, but I can't stop... my God... I feel like an empty shell. I come home from work half expecting to see her there in our bedroom... (mine now that she moved out two days ago).

 

Any suggestions on how to get a grip on myself and my emotions? Any and all suggestions welcome...

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

sorry to hear abour your story. Sure it must feel really tough. You came to the right place for support and ideas.

 

If things are still fresh, just be easy on yourself. Give yourself a week or so, simply to digest the emotions and feel into it.

 

Don't take action yet. Give yourself some time and space simply to digest.

 

What is the most important in moments like that is not to let this impact on all areas of your life. This is tough and you need to use your will power to keep going with work, eat healthy, avoid alcohol, etc.

 

Simply don't take the self destructive path. Foucs on not letting this impact on all areas of your life.

 

Keep yourself healthy. Do your best at work. Go and do some training. Spend time in nature. See some friends and share in forums like this one what is happening and how you feel.

 

Give yourself a week to digest in your own rhythm and get extra support wherever you can.

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach

[patrickgamer]

Makes me wonder what I have left of my future... out lives have been so deeply intertwined. I was already planning on taking a month off next summer for our honeymoon...

 

Kinda makes one think though... Here I am, feeling like throwing up, and she's sleeping over at some guys place... I know she felt the same way I did, at least at some point. How can someone skip over so quickly, as if she doesn't remember the past five years... our windowshopping for dream homes, our walks by the lake, cuddleing up to each other, staying up all night talking, staying up all night... not talking...

 

Damn.

 

I want to cry, die, and come back as a goldfish. You know they only have a memory of 3 seconds? That'd come in handy right about now...

[Mattyboy]

sorry to hear it mate, I've had the same thing done to me

link removed

 

But All I can say is it does get better I told my ex to F off and let me get on with my life and now I'm with a lovely girl who I feel I can share myself with, IT WILL HAPPEN but does take time.

 

Mattyboy

 

Where Are you BTW (Location wise)?

 

P.s not that I'm sure you care at the moment but you don't want to be a Goldfish as they have a lot longer memory than 3 seconds (trust me I've a degree in marine biology!) some have been traind to come to the sound of a bell and then retested ten years later and they still come!! anyway enough of the fishy lesson.

[EatZ]

I'm so sorry to hear this patrick.

 

No one deserves this. Least of all good, decent human being like yourself whose only crime was to love someone with all their heart and soul.

 

I can relate to your situation and there's no comfort in what I'm about to tell you, but I'm going to tell you this anyway...

 

You deserve better.

 

You really do! If this person is capable of doing this to you, doesn't that just say how much less of a person they are than you? Like vitalcoaching says, don't fight your grief, but don't let it control you. You need to take this time to reflect on the good and bad of your relationship and come to the realisation that it's over.

 

Cry your little heart out man. Write out all your thoughts of hurt and anger into the computer. Call a friend or talk to us here on this forum. Do anything you have to.

 

I'm truly sorry you had to endure this patrick, it makes me well up inside to read about your pain. I've been there myself, I know what it's like.

 

You're not alone patrick, you're going to get through this! Keep posting!

[pip]

Aww, that's rough. How long has it been since you broke up? If you're still in the early stages, trust me it *will* get better. Time is the best healer, so don't be too concerned if you're still raw with grief. That's natural.

 

After my boyfriend left me, it messed me up for months. I felt so miserable, and nothing else in life made me happy. But now, finally, I'm starting to feel better! Everything is so positive. A few months ago I couldn't possibly imagine being happy again - it was hard to see how I'd ever stop missing him. But you do, so take heart

 

In the meantime, don't be afraid to lean on family and friends for support. Be selfish. Do all the things you couldn't do when you were still together. And if you're really struggling, perhaps you could consider going to see a counsellor. Counsellors are there to help people going through tough times, including relationship break-ups.

 

I know what I've said probably doesn't help you much right now. I know what it's like to have everyone trying to cheer you up, but nothing makes you feel better. But rest assured that you *will* feel better eventually - I'm proof of it. Good luck, and feel free to message me anytime!

[Mattyboy]

Toronto? I've got a mate in the UK who comes from there, all he ever talks about is flipping hockey and how good he was etc.... I know the likelyhood is about 1 in 1000000 but his name's Nick Wilson. so there you go.

 

Come to Europe anyway bugger it I know that if I was planning to go to Canada I'd still be going, bring a mate You'll have healed enough by then and you can wander round knowing thats shes missed out! should cheer you up.

 

Stay clear of France though It's full of err... French (your not French Canadian are you??) lol

 

Mattyboy

[patrickgamer]

I want to share this with you people, since you are all such good listeners:

 

When we got engaged, we were both in university together, (how we met), so we were really poor. I couldn't afford a ring. So it wasn't until two years later that I could save up enough for something small, (it wasn't much, but it was everything I had at the time). She was away visiting a friend in texas over the Christmas break, and she wasn't coming back until just before New Years, (and our aniversary of when we first dated/kissed was December 8th). So I got her a wooden chest, and put it on her bed, surrounded by blue roses, (her favourit colour). And there were four drawers, one on top of the other, (imagin a standing triangular shape with stars and moons to match her bed cover). I put roses in each of the drawers, and a piece of a poem -well, more like prose- I wrote her, (I cut it so that a piece would fit in each of the drawers). The top drawer obviously had the last piece, and the ring, (i kept it in the velvet box, and covered the ring inside with a pettal, so she wouldn't see it until the last moment). Anyways, this is what I put in the chest:

 

All my life I dreamt of being someone else.

Of being older or younger,

of being more athletic or intelligent.

I wanted to be almost anyone other than me:

someone who mattered, someone special.

But I've always stayed the same person,

and I hated it.

These unfulfilled dreams whent on for many years.

But 40 months ago something in me changed.

I laughed more.

I stressed less.

I stopped dreaming of being someone else,

and started dreaming of you.

We became great friends.

We laughed and joked,

we played and worked.

But most importantly, we did these together.

After a while, my dreams began to take form.

We kissed and we hugged,

we slept and we talked.

Then my dreams started to change again.

And over the months

they shifted and reformed.

Then, one night,

on a cold tiled floor

my dreams once again took form...

You said yes.

Many more months went by.

We taught and learned from each other,

and we were still close friends.

But we fought and we argued,

we got angry and we cried.

And my dreams latered once again.

So here we are now,

looking back at the last 40 months,

and recounting the steps that brought us here.

I gave you my friendship when we first met,

my lips when we first kissed.

I gave you my heart on the floor;

and now I give you this.

And if you acceptthe latest of these gifts,

my newest dream will come true:

that our love for each other

will shine bright as new.

 

 

The references to the floor, JFYI, is because we were messing around in her bathroom after taking a shower, it was then that I felt compelled to ask her to marry me.

 

After she accepted the ring, it was like we were a new couple all over agian... that was two years ago this past Christmas....

 

Well, thanks for listening (or reading). It kinda feels good to share this stuff.

[Mattyboy]

God I'm not sure what to say to that..........

 

except: f ing hell you romantic bugger!!

 

you will get stronger I promise, just don't do anything daft (You know what I mean) I went through it 5 mths ago as I'm sure you know if you read my first reply (the one with the link)

 

I'll be blunt and honest: It will hurt for some time and it's very patronising but time is a great healer just give yourself some, go out and try and meet people, take a dog for a walk, go see your grandparents (or someone elses lol) talk to them - I find there great at listening! and they also make you cakes an stuff!

[bathman123]

Hey Patrick,

 

Keep your head up man. I am going through a somewhat similar situation. My GF of 4.5 years has just decided that she wants to hang out with someone else but stills wants to be with me. Its killing me that I have to share right now, I cant imagine the feeling if she completely left. (Which is probably why I am putting up with the other guy thing for now.) The only way I get through the day is thinking there is nothing I can do to change her mind. I just need to live my life and do things that make ME happy. In the end, it all comes back to #1. I am in the process of trying to find some new things I can get into so that I can get my mind off of her. (Something like Boxing or Kickboxing can be really theroputic not to mention the physical benefits.)

 

It will all work out...at least thats what I keep telling myself

[patrickgamer]

So Mattyboy,

 

You know what I find I'm asking myself a lot? "Why wasn't my love enough?". I think it's a prety fair question. I mean, after all, as far as I'm concerned, no one will ever be able to love her as strongly or deeply as myself.

 

What about you? Do you ask yourself these kind of questions?

[patrickgamer]

It will all work out...at least thats what I keep telling myself

 

What a coincidence. I've been trying to tell myself that very thing. I'm not so confident though.

[DopeStar]

your not alone my friends, 5 years gone for some junkie.

 

link removed

 

and she hit me like 8 times when i broke up the cheater

 

Its not so bad go get drunk one night this week with your buddies, jsut make you dont drive.

[debi of essex]

Patrick

 

I know exactly how you are feeling. My partner and father of my 8 yr old son walked out on me three weeks ago, well I am guessing he did as he went to the pub for an hour and three weeks later he hasnt been back.

 

Both my son and I are devastated and people tell you the same thing, it will get better, your better off without them etc etc. but it doesnt make it any easier does it.

 

I really feel for you and I used to drive home thinking how I couldnt wait to see my partner even after 9 yrs together and now its all gone.

 

The quietness of the house i find the hardest thing.

 

I hope you find some way to ease the pain a little. If you do can you e mail the cure to me to try.

 

Good luck

 

Debi

[Mattyboy]

No cure I can think of cept time but there you go.

 

Just hope you don't tar all british males with the same brush!

 

There are some good ones around.

 

 

Mattyboy

[DopeStar]

Mattyboy

 

F**kin hell you went through it didn't you?? glad it got sorted for you though.

 

Mattyboy

 

Umm, i know my post was filled with poor grammer but dang man what are you trying to say to me here. Wait wait let me try.

 

Yes i went through hell and thank you im glad its all sorted out too.

 

The word "IT" in the first sentence is the word that is throwing me off.

[Mattyboy]

IT = HELL

[DopeStar]

thats what i figured, and yes it was hell you should have seen the way she cried last night, it was so forced(shes an actress or was) i jsut couldnt believe her anymore.

 

 

Look at it this way, and this has been working for me, Either way it is going to work itself out.

 

YOu gotta just keep on, keepin' on, good luck and keep your head up.

[benjaminge1]

I had the same situation as you a couple of months . I was with a girl for 5 years we were also engaged and she dumped me. I was devestated, i couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, didn't know what to do with myself, it felt like i had no future. Then i found out she was seeing someone else, which made things 10 times worse. No matter what anyone said to me It didnt seem to make me feel any better. I know exactly how you feel and it's the worse feeling in the world but don't worry.

 

I am absolutely loving my life now. It's only been 2 months and i don't think about her at all now. I go out when i want, see who i want, my mates we're amazing through it all.

 

Even though it's hard and she's all you think about at the moment you just gotta get on. gGo out and get yourself so new clothes and get out there and start living. If your ex see's you or hears of you going out and getting on with your life the chances are she'll want you back. Whatever you do don't go begging or calling her, you'll drive her away. 5 years is a long time to spend with someone and she certainly won't forget the times you had together. As hard as it seems don't contact her, for now anyway.

She'll start to wonder why you hav't called and she'll think maybe he's moved on. It's early days at the moment so give it time.

 

Please believe me it gets better and it dosn't always take long. I really believe things happen in life for a purpose and every cloud has a silver lining. Your gonna be OK mate and you'll get through this and when you do you'll be a much stronger person and you'll probably find someone even better, you sound like a nice bloke to me.

 

take it easy

 

Ben

[craigblitz]

I am here with you guys..... Lost hurt and cofused

 

"You know what I find I'm asking myself a lot? "Why wasn't my love enough?". I think it's a prety fair question. I mean, after all, as far as I'm concerned, no one will ever be able to love her as strongly or deeply as myself"

 

I told my ex that,I said no matter what excuse or no excuse you give me you are saying that what I have to offer is not good enough for you. I even said you will never find another man who wants to love you more than what I did... never. She said she knows and realizes this maybe the biggest mistake in her life.... Arrgggg then why are you doing this...

 

Hang in there bro

[amaranth_04]

Hi patrick,

 

What your feeling is a normal reaction to sharing your life w another for the past few years, and then to have the rug pulled from under you w/o adequate warning. You're still reeling from it. It's hard to deal with the empty space left, when you can still hear their voice in your head, hear it so clearly that you turn to look at them thinking they're right there in the room with you. And you see them but you realise it's only thru the eyes in your mind. And you feel them deep in your heart, and you react so strongly you feel your stomach spasm... just like you did driving home from work, passing the guardrails.... I could go on and on..... you do react physically but....

 

It passes. Or at least it gets to the point where you feel you can cope with it. When you're still caught in the immediate pain, you have to say to yourself that you will get better. Whether or not you believe it at that point, saying it will help you believe that it may be true. In that time, don't think about the what-ifs or all that you shared. Leave that be for the moment, and work on keeping yourself calm. I don't mean be aloof to your feelings; in fact, let the pain wash over you. When you let it out instead of leaving the thoughts to swim all over your mind, you will have a better handle on it. The pain is no longer beyond your grasp; it's tangible, you see it in the way you actually react physically, and you know it's real enough. When you know what it is, you are better able to deal with the feelings you have.

 

Anyway, I sidetrack. Just wanted you to know that I do understand what you're going through. I read about your situation and felt for you.

 

Just deal with your current feelings for now. You can worry about the technicalities of the situation a bit later. The timeframe varies, but as everyone has said here, you will get better with time. Sure, you will have moments where you think about it and feel this sadness inside when everyone else sees a smile on your face, but you will learn to put things in perspective. In time too, when you're ready, you will start looking to bring back some happiness into your life.

 

Just take things easy til you get there. Don't worry about her, as her actions have showed you her thoughts and that's all you need to know. I know you gave your love to her but some people are that way. There are all sorts out there, all you can do is keep your end of the deal for your own peace of mind.

 

I've said a lot. There's a lot more but suffice to say that you're not alone. Be kind to yourself, live one day at a time. Just getting through the next ten minutes is sometimes a struggle in times like these. But get through it and you will have made it thru those ''endless'' minutes and before you know it, seasons would have changed. And so it goes.

 

And when you've pulled thru this, the strength you feel after will be like nothing you've felt before. Even in times where you feel real fear, you will feel real strength too, all from within you. It's as though every feeling after is magnified. You will feel that you feel keenly.

 

I enjoyed your prose, too, by the way, you sound like a romantic, real nice.

 

I felt I should respond to you, and I hope I helped you feel just that bit better by letting you know that you will be just fine. I wish you the best in getting past this situation and taking from it an experience that is a part of your growth.