Do women like nice guys? Jerks? Good guys? What?

[Jpo]

BITTER and lonely guys are normally not that "nice" . so i guess your whole post is void huh?

 

all the guys out there who keep complaining and saying they are a 'nice guy' and all women want are jerks are normally not REALLY a 'nice guy'. they are more like a JEALOUS guy. REAL nice guys try to improve themselves and normally just need a little bit of confidence to get out there more.

 

I agree with you 100%.

[Momake]

Guys need to stop whining and blaming others. If you are a nice guy - GREAT give yourself a pat on the back for being raised correctly by your mother with morals and a good head on your shoulders. Sorry, but your praise ends there.

 

Why won't girls date you? Are you constantly being friend zoned? ASK the girls. ASK them to be blunt with you too. 99% of the time if a girl is asked to be brutally honest they will.

 

Chances are there is something off about your appearance or you're dead boring. Jerks are at least entertaining and fun to be around. You can call the girls shallow if you want, however, if there isn't the slightest bit of attraction there you are about as attractive as her as her fat and balding Uncle Fred.

 

So yes, go workout - but do it for yourself if you aren't healthy.

Change your wardrobe - again, do it for yourself to give a self-esteem boost.

Be more outgoing - do it for yourself to simply have more fun.

 

Rant over.

[Anyway]

...

Why won't girls date you? Are you constantly being friend zoned? ASK the girls. ASK them to be blunt with you too. 99% of the time if a girl is asked to be brutally honest they will...

No, you don't ask girls what it takes to date them because they don't know it. OP's mother told him what to do and it ain't working. This'll happen again and again.

 

You can ask women how to dress though. This might help you...

[Momake]

No, you don't ask girls what it takes to date them because they don't know it. OP's mother told him what to do and it ain't working. This'll happen again and again.

 

You can ask women how to dress though. This might help you...

 

I will have to agree to disagree with you on this one. I believe if women give you the "I don't know" response it just means they don't want to hurt your feelings. Although this is honorable - it is not useful. Women spend a lot of time thinking about their prince charming...

[Cognitive_Canine]

No, you don't ask girls what it takes to date them because they don't know it. OP's mother told him what to do and it ain't working. This'll happen again and again.

 

You can ask women how to dress though. This might help you...

 

If a guy asked my honestly why I won't date him, I'll be brutally honest.

 

Unless you ask directly, I'm not going to hurt your feelings.

 

I know what I want and part of your problem is that you assume I don't because I'm a woman. We women-folk aren't all the same, you know.

[LightbulbSun]

I've never asked a girl why she only considers me as a friend - I'm actually afraid to. I already have low self esteem enough without beating myself up over that.

 

I don't think it's my wardrobe - I see plenty of guys in t-shirts and jeans at my college, and they all have girlfriends. It might be my weight, but I've also seen fatter guys than me in relationships. Also, be more outgoing...that's probably it, at least with a select number of women. However, my cousin is shyer than me, and he married an attractive blonde who could have been a model...was he one of the guys who it doesn't matter for?

 

Maybe I'm making this all up in my own head. When I say nice, I mean nice...not passive. Someone who will be there for you when you need him, who will be your friend AND your lover. It seems like girls don't want that. Or am I mistaken?

[Cognitive_Canine]

You are giving all of these examples of men that are in relationships with the same problems you are.

 

You know men fatter than you with girls.

You know guys with the same wardrobe with girls.

 

But, do you know any men with low self esteem, who are overweight, with a mundane wardrobe, who is as shy as you with any girls?

 

I was once that girl in my youth. I was pudgy, with low self esteem, didn't wear makeup or anything pretty, didn't really talk out of shyness girl. But I changed. I changed because I had to change. And, I found out that my pudginess, low self esteem, shyness weren't really me. They were things holding me back from being me. I'm still the same person a lot better version of myself.

[LightbulbSun]

You are giving all of these examples of men that are in relationships with the same problems you are.

 

You know men fatter than you with girls.

You know guys with the same wardrobe with girls.

 

But, do you know any men with low self esteem, who are overweight, with a mundane wardrobe, who is as shy as you with any girls?

 

I bolded the part that I think I really need to change. And that's where I'm going wrong, it has to be. I just need to improve my self esteem/confidence.

 

You know, I regret making this thread, but I came to a lot of self realization after reading it. It's not 'nice guys' that get passed over, it's guys with low self esteem/self worth. It doesn't matter that I have a beer belly, it doesn't matter that I have long hair and glasses and dress however I want. I have my own image (as a musician), and I will be going into a field that doesn't require me to dress up (and actually would look weird if I did dress up.)

 

Basically, I have to stop beating myself up over this. I get rejected...it's not because of me, necessarily. And it's certainly not because I'm not a jerk. Jerks get dumped, too, just later on.

 

I shouldn't change anything about myself, except how I feel about myself on the inside. And try to lose weight (something I'm already trying, and have succeeded in losing some weight), but the weight is not what's stopping me from dating these women.

 

My female friend (who also said she thinks of me as a brother) said that I'm always down on myself, and don't give myself enough credit. I should start listening to her.

[Jpo]

You are giving all of these examples of men that are in relationships with the same problems you are.

 

You know men fatter than you with girls.

You know guys with the same wardrobe with girls.

 

But, do you know any men with low self esteem, who are overweight, with a mundane wardrobe, who is as shy as you with any girls?

 

I was once that girl in my youth. I was pudgy, with low self esteem, didn't wear makeup or anything pretty, didn't really talk out of shyness girl. But I changed. I changed because I had to change. And, I found out that my pudginess, low self esteem, shyness weren't really me. They were things holding me back from being me. I'm still the same person a lot better version of myself.

 

I agree. There are so many factors that can play in attraction. Yeah other guys may have the same wardrobe, but maybe they have something else compelling that you don't, or maybe they just won the dating lottery.

 

Regardless, I don't see how any of it is a good excuse not to try to improve yourself. Spice up your wardrobe, start eating healthy/exercising, practice being more outgoing, etc. Why don't you ask a girl you know to help give you a makeover? Most are more than happy to do that.

 

Dating rarely just happens, you may not realize it, but most guys who have girlfriends had to work for it, in one way or another. I get the feeling you are just expecting someone to come along and do everything for you, with absolutely no effort on your part. Which could happen I guess, but don't hold your breath.

 

(I'm talking to lightbub btw, not you CC)

[Cognitive_Canine]

The things are interrelated though. When you start having more self esteem, you start dressing nicer and taking care of yourself. When you start dressing nicer and taking care of yourself, you have more self esteem.

[Cognitive_Canine]

And girls who have boyfriends had to work for it too. I can't do nothing at all and be beautiful. I take great care of myself by dieting and exercising. I make sure I'm wearing the best clothes for my body and the best hairstyle for my face structure. I moisturize my skin and whiten my teeth. It's the little things that add up to your attractiveness.

 

I'm the same person but I didn't do those things before. Now I do. The difference between my attractiveness before and after is startling. And, I'm not even talking about makeup here. I'm talking about routine taking care of yourself things that just give you a glow.

[Momake]

The things are interrelated though. When you start having more self esteem, you start dressing nicer and taking care of yourself. When you start dressing nicer and taking care of yourself, you have more self esteem.

 

This. It is all an upward or downward spiral.

 

Forget dating and meeting someone. Focus on making yourself feel better and do any and all things to do that. Everything else will take care of itself.

[Momake]

On another note... ironically, I didn't care much for my wardrobe until I met my current girlfriend. She didn't change me - she just started directing me towards clothing that was better/nicer/more in style... then I started getting compliments from all over.

 

Btw, girls love suits.

[LightbulbSun]

What if your style is more t-shirts and jeans, and you hate wearing suits?

 

I mean, I'll wear suits if I'm going to church or a wedding, but for casual wear...no way! I hate ties, always feel like I'm being strangled.

 

Also, I don't see very many college students wearing suits. It's more like t-shirts, jeans, and hoodies.

 

I feel like I dress well. I wash and comb my hair before I go out (or sometimes even before I go out), I take a shower every day, I take care of my appearance. Yeah, sure, my appearance is unconventional because I wear glasses and have long, shoulder length hair, but I don't want to change that. Every time I've cut my hair, I feel even more ugly than I do now (and I look like a little kid with a short haircut - with long hair, at least I look my age.)

 

I take care of myself, I just probably need to have more confidence in my look. And realize that everyone is different, and I'll never be that jock. Not that I wanted to, anyway.

[Blue Spiral]

I mean, I'll wear suits if I'm going to church or a wedding, but for casual wear...no way! I hate ties, always feel like I'm being strangled.

 

I'm the same way. I don't even own a tie, I don't think.

[LightbulbSun]

I'm the same way. I don't even own a tie, I don't think.

 

I do, but I think they're all in storage. Same with my suits, I never wear them so I never need them.

[Momake]

Haha... I didn't mean for casual wear - just in general I have only ever been complimented in a suit...

 

Ever seen How I Met Your Mother? One of the characters (Barney) is all about the suits and he's hilarious. So I was partially going for that reference in my post as well for a little humour..

[Momake]

Although for casual wear - a good sport jacket over the right shirt/t-shirt looks pretty good.

[LightbulbSun]

Although for casual wear - a good sport jacket over the right shirt/t-shirt looks pretty good.

 

I'd be for that. What kinds of sports jackets are popular right now?

 

(Keep in mind that I'm a fashion retard.)

[Momake]

I don't know if there is any specific kind I would be looking for. Ive seen guys take the jackets off their suits and wear them as jackets with jeans and a shirt. It's whatever works for you. Maybe a girl with more fashion sense can help us out here? haha

 

The most important aspect is simply that it fits right. Not too long/big or too short/small.

[LightbulbSun]

Maybe I would have to have it custom fitted, then, since I've gained a little bit of weight since I last wore a suit?

 

I don't believe in spending a lot of money on clothes. I've got enough clothes already (too many clothes, actually, my closets are overflowing), and any girl who requires that I spend a lot of money for her is not a girl worth having IMO.

[Momake]

It shouldn't be about the girl. It's about you, man.

 

I also don't spend a lot of money on clothes. When I started dating my girl I noticed she went through clothes rather quickly. She would wash a given shirt several times and then deem it unfit to wear anymore because it looked "old and worn out". There was another friend of mine who would literally not wear the same shirt twice. I was appalled as I had shirts that I still had in the back of my closet from highschool. lol.

 

So, the moral of the story is... there is a happy medium. Even if your closet is overflowing - how many of those clothes do you wear on a regular basis? That being said... how many of those clothes SHOULD you be wearing on a regular basis? You will be astonished how many clothes you will probably throw out.

 

As an aside.. many of my favourite shirts had been downgraded to "gym shirts" by my girlfriend. Fair enough. I will still wear them every now and then when I go out though... much to her dismay. lol. Do I really need to wear a shirt with buttons to go buy some oatmeal? I think not.

[Dangerous]

I've not read all the reply's - but to put it simply: Women do like nice guys - providing those nice guys in question are tall and 'hot'. If the nice guy is not tall, good looking, sexy, cute or hot - then NO, women will not like this particular nice guy.

[anya1607307555]

I don't know if there is any specific kind I would be looking for. Ive seen guys take the jackets off their suits and wear them as jackets with jeans and a shirt.

 

I like this look - smart casual, and from your description LBS, will suit your image (drummer of Kings of Leon springs to mind). Choose dark jeans, invest in different colour/style tshirts and the jacket will 'dress it up'. You don't need to buy an expensive suit, they sell cheaper jackets separately.

[OptomisticGirl]

Women spend a lot of time thinking about their prince charming...

 

We do and I admit, if not asked bluntly I will not tell you to save your feelings. I'm not a mean person.

 

 

When I say nice, I mean nice...not passive. Someone who will be there for you when you need him, who will be your friend AND your lover. It seems like girls don't want that. Or am I mistaken?

 

Most women I know want it, myself included. A lot more plays in to it then just those few things though.

 

 

Btw, girls love suits.

 

We do. And if your a guy who doesn't work a job that you dress in a suit or like you, you are in college, just dressing up can have the same effect. I love a guy who will wear a pair of nice dress pants and dress shirt to run errands or do something. No tie required. And it doesn't have to be your most expensive shirt or pants... just something you would casually wear to a formal family thing.

 

It gives the illusion of the suit without the strangling tie and for me as a woman, shows me you can dress up when need be. I have always said guys look better dressed up....

 

Overall just improve for yourself. Just remember you can change all the things about you in a positive way but as long as you have a negative attitude, girls are going to find it hard to be drawn to you.

 

Nothing is sexier then a confident man.