ElChup Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 The on-line dating venue is starting to sound like loser-ville...I don't know, the more I hear about these guys, I am reconsidering joining again. I hear about all these guys cancelling dates, talking about sexual exploits before even meeting you, hung up on ex's, married, won't even drive half-way, etc... Is it REALLY that bad? Surely, there must be some nice people? I hear about lots of people finding love on-line, but to be honest, I personally don't know of a single person that did. I want to start dating again, but i'm a little shy and I'm not looking for a hook-up. I eventually want something serious. Maybe the on-line venue isn't going to be for me. My ex and I met through online dating so I'd like to think that not all men out there are dirt bags. But, my understanding is that women who do it have to weed their way through a great many more scumbags than men do. I think that's just the way of things. Link to comment
Casperlady Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 O i know Miss Kitty Im the same but just shows there are nice guys on it just have to kinda as the saying goes 'kiss alot of frogs before finding your prince' (not literally kiss lol). Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 13, 2010 Author Share Posted February 13, 2010 My ex and I met through online dating so I'd like to think that not all men out there are dirt bags. But, my understanding is that women who do it have to weed their way through a great many more scumbags than men do. I think that's just the way of things. As long as there are good guys, I will weed my way through the others... Link to comment
JusticeLaw9 Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 The online thing doesn't work for me so I don't try that anymore. But when I did use it, I'd always get the crazy ones. Link to comment
PrincessBOT Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 The on-line dating venue is starting to sound like loser-ville...I don't know, the more I hear about these guys, I am reconsidering joining again. I hear about all these guys cancelling dates, talking about sexual exploits before even meeting you, hung up on ex's, married, won't even drive half-way, etc... Is it REALLY that bad? Surely, there must be some nice people? I hear about lots of people finding love on-line, but to be honest, I personally don't know of a single person that did. I want to start dating again, but i'm a little shy and I'm not looking for a hook-up. I eventually want something serious. Maybe the on-line venue isn't going to be for me. I on a site now. This is my third time on the third site. When this subscription is done I am done with them for good. I feel that those success stories are like playing the lottery and just like winning the lottery the odds similar. One site boasts of all the couples married,but the most recent success story is from 2006. My personal experiences have been with weird people, case and point, one guy gave me his number then proceeded to yell at me because my number showed as unknown and felt that it meant I had trust issues and that he trusted me to give his number I could have stalked him because he was stalked before. It was our first call first thing he said, as he yelled and I was in shock and couldn't respond properly and he hung up on me Then there is the guy who I met, liked, we went on one date and two years later are friends. I don't know how that happened, but it's not what I paid my money for. I could tell plenty more nutty stories, but no successes. I hear they happen, but I don't have that luck I guess. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 I think that just as easily could have happened with a man you met at a bar and, if with on line, it's easier to screen because you can Google the person, e-mail a few times to see how they express themselves and talk on the phone to see how they express themselves. In a loud, crowded bar, you can give your number to a stranger you met 5 minutes ago and that is far more like a lottery (other than you see the person in person, if it's not too dark at the bar). Out of the hundreds of men I emailed with/spoke to on line and out of the hundred or so I met in person there was a low percentage of odd people - I only e-mailed once or twice and spoke once or twice before meeting but I was very good at screening both at the profile and e-mail/phone levels. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 Brings back sad memories from those days when I was registered on EH. Online dating is tough. Men and women both act like kids left loose in candy store. I have regularly faced men moving on without leaving even a simple one-line message "I'm not interested / I've found someone else." The great part of online dating is that it gave me power to close the matches which I most definitely used. Rude men, idiotic Qs, no contact for 2 weeks without giving any real reason, inconsistency in replies/contact, I simply closed the match and moved on. I did not have this power in offline world of dating. You have to develop skills to find a decent guy in online world. There are lots of low-quality people. Just like Batya says you will come accross them even in real life. Was this your 1st attempt at online dating? It can be intimidating and frustrating. Learn the skills and I would say keep looking. EH men are better quality, I guess than POF, match. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 13, 2010 Author Share Posted February 13, 2010 When I did it awhile back, I didn't meet "odd" people, just people that were looking for "companions" or that said they were looking for something serious, but ended up not wanting that with me. Friends are fine, but like Princess said, it's not what I'm looking for right now. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 13, 2010 Author Share Posted February 13, 2010 No contact for 2 weeks? I would give them 3 days before closing them out, lol! I have no tolerance for that. I know if a man is interested, he will not go days with no contact. I also met a very high percentage of men living at home (men in their early 50's). Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 Yes, I got some of those even on EH. Some men wanted FWB even on EH, some wanted only friendship, some wanted companionship whatever. Again, if I sensed that this man isn't on same page with me, I closed the match. This might be just me, but in my experience its much better to find a man in real life through contacts and referrals because I'm looking for a serious relationship. Online dating you are on your own. Noone can vouch for the guy there. You have to be good at screening men (which I'm not good at since I have really no experience with male gender at all. no brother, very few cousin brothers, dad was away when I was growing up... not a good situation). Given a choice I would go with a man that is referred to me than on a seemingly good match on EH, anytime. Do friends and family members know that you are open to be set up with someone? Not saying to get out of those sites, but tap into all resources. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 No contact for 2 weeks? I would give them 3 days before closing them out, lol! I have no tolerance for that. I know if a man is interested, he will not go days with no contact. I also met a very high percentage of men living at home (men in their early 50's). My problem is that I give people benefit of doubt before closing the match. So, I end up taking a lot more nonsense on than I should. Hmm... living at home is tough. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 13, 2010 Author Share Posted February 13, 2010 No one knows anyone for me. Also, my chances of meeting someone at work are non-existent. On-line dating is a last resort for me, and I am not keen on the idea of it. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 but still isnt that the great thing about online dating you, dont hove to meet the people to start off with if something doesn't apeal??? I'd say its like jumping int to shark infested waters but with a cage. Good point. I agree. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 No one knows anyone for me. Also, my chances of meeting someone at work are non-existent. On-line dating is a last resort for me, and I am not keen on the idea of it. hmm... well... how about this... 1) For now, stay in the online dating world even though its frustrating. You will have that avenue open at least. 2) If you have access to a library, I highly recommend that you read "Men are like Fish" and "Become your own matchmaker". This will give you an idea of where men are, so you can go fishing there. 3) Put extra effort into looking good and look good even at a grocery store. Not saying that you should look like you are going to a party if you are going to a grocery store, but look neat and pleasant. 4) Do you put on make up? I never did until I came to the US (age 25). I slowly taught myself, brought cheap make up and practiced. Watch youtube videos, very helpful. 5) Easiest way to meet people is through fun, relaxing activities. Join meetup groups in your area. 6) Spread a word that you are looking and open to be set up. Doesn't matter if noone knows anyone for now. It doesn't mean that they won't know ever. 7) Have you tried a matchmaker? Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 13, 2010 Author Share Posted February 13, 2010 Yes, I always try to look my best - at least a little makeup. Personal matchmakers are very costly. I cannot afford to go that route. I'll just try on-line dating for a bit and see how it goes. But I have little expectation of meeting anyone. (by "meeting", I mean having a bf) Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 But I have little expectation of meeting anyone. (by "meeting", I mean having a bf) positive thoughts=positive outcome. i believe you will meet someone great through online dating, misskitty. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 13, 2010 Author Share Posted February 13, 2010 positive thoughts=positive outcome. i believe you will meet someone great through online dating, misskitty. Thank you, M&H. I hope so.... Link to comment
StyleASD Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 Is it just me or are people really closed off in the online dating world???? I dont know maybe its me or just the bad stigma with online dating. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 14, 2010 Author Share Posted February 14, 2010 Is it just me or are people really closed off in the online dating world???? I dont know maybe its me or just the bad stigma with online dating. It makes sense. Closed off people would have trouble meeting people in the real world, so it's not surprising to me they would end up on-line. Link to comment
Sally Cinnamon Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 You have to weed through a lot of bad apples before you find anything worthwhile. As far as I see it, the advantage of online dating is the sheer numbers available to you. In real life, if you go to a bar or restaurant or a park or something, you might scope out one or two possibilities, which most of the time will turn out to be married, or creepy, or otherwise incompatible. Online, however, you can scan through many different profiles of men who you will know for a fact at the very least are heterosexual, not married, and may even have some common ground with you. If they're creepy, they're creepy. One click and you're done with them - then on to the next prospect! Don't be scared. Online dating, if done intelligently, can wind up being safer than the real world - you have the comfort of distance and the knowledge you need upfront. Good luck to you! Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 14, 2010 Author Share Posted February 14, 2010 I agree. Of course, the men have the same option, too, which could limit my chances. With a click of a button they can find someone prettier, a woman with a really good job, etc. Link to comment
jammed Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 I don't think most men care if a woman has a really good job. Online, it seems they do care about pictures for the most part. It makes sense though because men are so visually stimulated. StyleASD- what do you mean when you say "closed off"? Do you mean harder to get to know? Link to comment
dallyblu25 Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 I think the online thing has pros/cons just like any other place. Yes, there are the jerks (recent experience with one), but I think there are others who are legit. The biggest problem I see, though? A lot of men seem to want physical perfection and literally describe Barbie, which is an unattainable standard for any woman. Link to comment
lana111 Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 just some stats for the online thing. i met three guys and all three were really nice and normal. however, i really didnt have any interest in 2 of them. im going to see the most recent guy again soon. he seems like he could be something good... i talked to two other guys online. one guy totally flaked out when it was time to meet and stopped communicating. married? intimidated? i dont know... this other guy i talked/texted to for a while and there were all these little red flags, but im TRYING to be less judgemental and he was very funny and good on paper, so i let it slide. then just the other day i made a joke and he got all pissy at me. i told him we probably woudlnt get a long and we shouldnt talk anymore. soooo i guess online dating is just as good or bad as "regular" dating... Link to comment
BriarRose Posted March 7, 2010 Author Share Posted March 7, 2010 The more I read, the more my opinion solidifies that on-line dating will not be for me. I don't want to have to weed through 10 guys to find 1 that has potential. It just sounds incredibly depressing and exhausting. Maybe if I was 21, but at 44, I don't think I can be bothered with it. Link to comment
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