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On-line horror stories...not sure I want to venture out there again?


BriarRose

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The on-line dating venue is starting to sound like loser-ville...I don't know, the more I hear about these guys, I am reconsidering joining again. I hear about all these guys cancelling dates, talking about sexual exploits before even meeting you, hung up on ex's, married, won't even drive half-way, etc...

 

Is it REALLY that bad? Surely, there must be some nice people? I hear about lots of people finding love on-line, but to be honest, I personally don't know of a single person that did.

 

I want to start dating again, but i'm a little shy and I'm not looking for a hook-up. I eventually want something serious. Maybe the on-line venue isn't going to be for me.

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MIsskitty I'm sorry! I am not having a good experience and it sucks for sure! However, I do know people who have met online. Three married couples and one who is engaged to be married. It really does happen!

 

Sorry my adventures are so depressing. Believe me, I am thinking I just may be happy alone with my doggie!

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There are not more strange guys (women) online than in RL, since essentially in RL you just are not as aware of all these people and their first impressions as online.

 

How many people/men would you say you pass by during a week be it the supermarket, on the street, at work etc. In RL you probably don't even notice them all and you are not thinking about if each and every single one of the men could be a potential partner or not, since you are either not looking at the time or you are prescreening without being aware of it of doing so.

 

Online of course the focus is totally shifted. You do this process consciously and you have to actively screen through profiles since you do not have the possibility of subconsciously screening them.

 

There are some weird people there, but there also will be really nice people on there.

 

Yes you will probably encounter some guys who are absolutely not your type, but you just have to develop the skin to not let that affect you.

 

If you do want to find a partner you should try every possible avenue

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People on dating sites are no different than people looking to hook up elsewhere. You are bound to meet just as many tools in person/at a club/in a bar/through mutual friends/etc as you would online. I don't really see what the big deal is even if there are many people like this online. All you do is communicate with them from the comfort of your own home so if you don't like something you see you block them right away and move onto someone new. I very much doubt you would have better luck in a night club.

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Maybe people just share the horror stories more so than they do the good ones. After all, if you saw a happy, romantic couple & asked them how they met, it doesn't sound very romantic to say "on a dating website". I don't know, it just seems like you would hear about the bad more than the good. If you based your relationship expectations on things you read here, on a relationship advice website, you would think all relationships have major problems!! There's not a lot of people that come to a relationship website to say "Yeah everything is great. Just thought I'd share".

 

Plus, I've heard there are a lot more males than females on those sites. As a female you will have more opportunity to be choosier, simply because there are fewer females so competition for them is higher than for males.

 

And I know a guy (a coworker/friend) who was using a dating website. Totally normal, nice guy. They aren't all horrible!!

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People on dating sites are no different than people looking to hook up elsewhere. You are bound to meet just as many tools in person/at a club/in a bar/through mutual friends/etc as you would online. I don't really see what the big deal is even if there are many people like this online. All you do is communicate with them from the comfort of your own home so if you don't like something you see you block them right away and move onto someone new. I very much doubt you would have better luck in a night club.

And that is why I stopped going to nightclubs years ago.

But I hear what you are saying.

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MIsskitty I'm sorry! I am not having a good experience and it sucks for sure! However, I do know people who have met online. Three married couples and one who is engaged to be married. It really does happen!

 

Sorry my adventures are so depressing. Believe me, I am thinking I just may be happy alone with my doggie!

Jammed, I was talking about many, many threads from many people...I wasn't meaning to single you out! Actually, one of your guys sounded very nice (I can't remember his name), but you didn't feel the chemistry. But he sounded like a good guy.

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I think it's just a process. A lot of my classmates (I'm in graduate school) are doing the whole online dating thing because it is just much more convenient than going out looking for some one. I joined on a whim and while I experienced what I thought started out as a good potential boyfriend but turned into hell on wheels I am not happily dating some one else I found online. Of course, this person initially started out as a "maybe" and was in the getting to know stage, once we met the chemistry was awesome. I think it's always going to be a hit or a miss but stay optimistic and you're bound to find some one - or at least have some funny stories to share.

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If we go by the Sex forum, women are mostly uninterested in sex, except when the men are uninterested in sex, in which case they feel neglected. And almost everyone who isn't married is in a friends-with-benefits relationship, but beginning to have feelings for their partner.

 

In other words, forum threads aren't exactly representative of the online dating population. For that matter, have you looked at the dating threads started by men? They seem to have their fair share of troubles too. Except for the couple of guys who seem to be sleeping with multiple women at the same time.

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If we go by the Sex forum, women are mostly uninterested in sex, except when the men are uninterested in sex, in which case they feel neglected. And almost everyone who isn't married is in a friends-with-benefits relationship, but beginning to have feelings for their partner.

 

In other words, forum threads aren't exactly representative of the online dating population. For that matter, have you looked at the dating threads started by men? They seem to have their fair share of troubles too. Except for the couple of guys who seem to be sleeping with multiple women at the same time.

Oh, this was not a gender thing - I agree men have it rough, too.

 

I just feel like I will be entering shark infested waters, lol! I don't date a lot. I'm just a little nervous about doing this. It's been awhile.

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Keep in mind that while there are some sharks out there, for the most part they're mostly clownfish, and they're pretty worried you're going to eat them.

 

haha, I love it: clownfish.

 

MissKitty, that's why I really liked the "let's meet for coffee" as a first 'date' when meeting somewhat cold off online. If it's horrible quick, you can leave quick and no foul. If it goes a bit better, you can go for dinner or something.

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MissKitty, that's why I really liked the "let's meet for coffee" as a first 'date' when meeting somewhat cold off online. If it's horrible quick, you can leave quick and no foul. If it goes a bit better, you can go for dinner or something.

 

After suffering through a few dinners with guys I did not click with I think the coffe idea is really the best bet!

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I thought it would be interesting if you could leave comments on a person's profile. For example: "did not show up" or even positive things like "very honest".

I think this would turn into eBay very quickly. 90% of the comments would be "A++++ best date ever!", and 5% would be genuine negative comments, and 5% would be retaliatory negative feedback from jerks.

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There are sites that allow you to rate people you meet on line but I never trusted them as credible.

I know at least a dozen happily married couples- all high quality people - character, integrity, intelligence, personality- who originally met through a dating site. I was in contact with many men who ended up only wanting a quick fling but our contact was limited to one email or maybe a phone call at most - that's just part of the screening process. I met many normal, nice guys through on line sites.

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Well me and my friend joined together to support each other, I have met two guys the first I didnt hear from again the second I still talk to and am hoping to have at least a friend out of it. My friend met a guy years ago they dated for ages and even talked marriage unfortunately the night he was going to propose he was killed in a car accident his family gave my friend the engagement ring, it was like something out of a movie crazy. Its only now she has gone back to it.

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Well me and my friend joined together to support each other, I have met two guys the first I didnt hear from again the second I still talk to and am hoping to have at least a friend out of it. My friend met a guy years ago they dated for ages and even talked marriage unfortunately the night he was going to propose he was killed in a car accident his family gave my friend the engagement ring, it was like something out of a movie crazy. Its only now she has gone back to it.

OMG, I am so sorry....but I am glad she is back out there again. Thing is, I don't want a "friend" out of it. I am looking for long term. I mean, I know you have to start off somewhere, but basically I am not joining in hopes of meeting a new "friend".

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