Miles plus 12 years apart

[shellov]

Long story short: he is 18 who lives in the US East Coast and I am 30 y/o female who lives in the West Coast. I don't know which one presents more tension: the LDR or the huge age gap.

 

I am thinking the age gap is now surfacing as a bigger problem: his family expresses their disapproval, people are beginning to talk, and all this is making me feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin.

 

Recently, I've been feeling overwhelmed with all the disapproval and beginning to get drained by lack of physical togetherness.

 

I want to make our relationship work. But where do I start? I am confused. Any ideas?

[Sugar-Rush]

Re: the age thing.

 

I think you need to ask yourself something.

 

Are you in love with him because he's 18? or do you love him and he happens to be 18?

 

If it's the former, I really think that there are big issues here and would suggest the relationship unhealthy for both of you.

 

Pressuming it's the latter, then screw what everyone else thinks, there will be comments, people will talk and dissaprove, but if you love each other, thats a sacrafice you have to make.

 

Sugar xxx

[alcide]

Hey honestly I think you should rethink because for now you are inlove but to me the age gap will be a problem later in the long run, because he will see other people n you will be getting older, for your own good.

 

But no one is perfect dont see anything wrong with fallin inlove for now, just bare in mind it might not last.

[pumpkinmoon]

I honestly don't see any good coming from this and I have seen similar threads about it on this board.

 

He migt be caught up in it all now but my guess is that he will soon start realising that he is too young and start wondering what else is out there.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think you need to take a closer look at this age gap. At 18, he's just entering the adult world, and can't possibly match the maturity that a 30 year old has. He still has many life changes that he has to experience before he can be in a stable relationship, and especially with someone who is 12 years older than he is.

 

I would give this some serious thought, and look at it from an outsiders point of view.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think you need to take a closer look at this age gap. At 18, he's just entering the adult world, and can't possibly match the maturity that a 30 year old has. He still has many life changes that he has to experience before he can be in a stable relationship, and especially with someone who is 12 years older than he is.

 

I would give this some serious thought, and look at it from an outsiders point of view.

 

I completely agree. I would also add that perhaps you should look within yourself and figure out why you would fall for an 18 year old who has barely started in the adult world. Is there something missing in your own life. I know that many 30 year old men gravitate to 18 year old young women and they probably get less hassles for it than you are getting..but the issues are still the same...and often those 30 year old men running after 18 year old young women are looking at the status of having a young woman on their arm. In other words, they have issues within themselves which result in them gravitating towards the young, naive women. In your case, the distance and the age gap/much different phase in life are huge things to consider.

[lostandhurt]

If we had a little more info it might help.

 

How long have you been dating?

How did it end up being a LDR?

Are you in love with him or in love with the idea of it?

Is he mature for 18?

Does he still live at home?

 

I think CAD and HGO have some really good points. The why you chose him will be the big answer in all of this.

 

Lost

[shellov]

Thanks so much for the replies. I can totally see it from the point of views of those who frown upon our relationship. I imagine myself being a parent of an 18 y/o who is dating a woman 12 years his senior and I would advise against it. I have questioned my involvement with him at the beginning and considered it to be unethical. Like others, I do have my issues but none of them-- having gone through a lot of self-analysis-- draws me to "seek" someone else way younger. I have dated guys who are a lot older than me (16 years-- the largest age gap) and some guys who are slightly older, younger, and those who were around my age. This guy-- who I do honestly love-- just happens to be younger.

 

 

If we had a little more info it might help.

 

How long have you been dating?

How did it end up being a LDR?

Are you in love with him or in love with the idea of it?

Is he mature for 18?

Does he still live at home?

 

I think CAD and HGO have some really good points. The why you chose him will be the big answer in all of this.

 

Lost

 

We have been dating for around 9 months now. We met online and are good friends. In-love or in love with the idea of it? I would say, neither. I haven't really felt in-love for a long time, nor believe in the idea of "falling in love" anymore. I think it is juvenile. I do love him, though-- which can involve letting him go if I or the relationship becomes detrimental to his growth or happiness.

 

I don't know about his maturity, to be honest. He gets concepts that not a lot of 18 y/o would get. I don't know if that counts towards maturity, at all. He still lives at home, yes.

[shellov]

I honestly don't see any good coming from this and I have seen similar threads about it on this board.

 

He migt be caught up in it all now but my guess is that he will soon start realising that he is too young and start wondering what else is out there.

 

Well, that's a risk that any relationship is put through anyway, right? There's always the chance of the other leaving for another else or whatever reason.