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to the divorce and painful break up of people who dumped their partners and then right away got into a new relationship, mostly for the sake of having someone to love and support, but in fact they do not really know the person, and right now as someone from the forum said they are in "honeymoon" phase which is all sweet and exciting, but within a year or so it is over and true personality of both sides is exposed, and then they get into a real problem with their new partner.

Thats when they realized that the grass was not greener in the other place, but by then their previous partner already moved on, and so these dumpers stuck in a very unpleasent situation.

I keep on reading about cases that fit this description in the forum and I would gladly raise a toast so that in a year from now or so these people will suffer once they will understand that the current person was nothing more than a rebound.

Cheers.

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I get you, and there is merit to what you're saying, but sometimes relationships, even rebounds, really do work out long term. Sometimes, ex's just don't feel compatible with the person they are with, and it's as simple as that. So, they can keep faking it and stay put, or else they can be honest, let go, move on, and try it again with someone they may or may not fit better with.

 

So, as a dumpee, would you rather have a partner with constant thoughts of "I'm in the wrong relationship and I wonder if I should leave", or a partner who actually realizes that they want to be in a relationship with you. If your partner is giving every sign that you two are a bad match then maybe you actually are a bad match. The grass on the other side may or may not be greener, but it will be a different shade of green, no doubt, and perhaps a more compatible shade.

 

Can we really blame anyone for wanting to be with someone romantically in an honest way where they don't have to feel like they are just going through the motions or faking it? I have an ex that is getting married in October. She had some rebounds inbetween our relationship and this one, but in the end, I want her to be happy. If I caught myself thinking that their relationship should fail then I'd be feeling pretty bad about myself.

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Jettison. I am ok with what you are saying. The problem I have is that the dumpees do it at other peoples expenses. People get hurt. It doenst feel good to get hurt. The dumpees feel good about moving on but what about the other persons feelings. Is it ok to just walk around and hurt someone? What happened to people trying to make it work. I think people should stick it out and try to make it work. Its not good to pretend but its not good to cheat and hurt someone either.

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Jettison...im talking about a case where the dumper is cruely dumping the dumpee like the dumpee was a piece of garbage and instead of finishing it with talking and supporting the other person, the dumper decideds to ignore the dumpee and to move on.

I do believe that if the relationship does not work and you've been with a person for very long, and loved this person, at least break it up respectfully and in a manner that would hurt the other partner the least.

For the rest of you guys, my story is that i got dumped about 2 months ago by a girl who told me she loved me for 6 years, we been really good friends for 5 years and i was always there for her, always listening to her problems and helping her, and she was always in love with me and always told me that she love me, but at the time i did not want a relationship with her because i do not like to mix friendship and relationship, and only after 5 years when she broke up with her last boyfriend we actually decided to give it a shoot and we were dating for almost a year and everything went great but one thing.

At some stage she started to demend from me to move out with her, she said that she cant live in with her parents anymore and she really loves me and want to move in with me.

The problem is that she already graduated and she is working and set in life, and in still a student in the university so for me to move out means to work in a * * * * ty place and study part time, which would extend my university period to like 6-7 years or something...so i couldnt make it happen... 2 months ago i got into a car accident, dont mind the car, but for some reason i decided not to call her and to wait so she call me.

i was waiting for 3 days and she did not call me even though she knew i got into an accident because we talked the same day i got into the accident.

on the 4'th day I decided to call her and to ask what the hell is going on...and guess what she told me that it is over and she found someone else who got a house and a stable job and she is moving with him. In the last 3 months to our relationship she kept on repeating that if im not gonna move in with her she will find some1 else because she can no longer live with her parents.

Now, i know the guy she moved in with. They used to be friends from way back, and even when we were just friends, she told me about this guy and always told me that she will never date this guy because he is not her taste and she doesnt really like his personality, needless to say that the guy just got divorce around the same time when she broke up of her boyfriend so he is also pretty shaky.

Well apperently in that time when i got into an accident and we did not talk, she was really upset about this whole living with her parents thing and the guy was there for the whole time for her and consulted her and gave her a shoulder to cry, (thats what she said that he was there for her).

She has a very hard personality, very moody and at time can be mean, but at the same time she has to talk to somebody she can trust all the time, i was that person for the whole time, 5 years of friendship and 1 year of loving relationship.

Now, im pretty sure that it is more or less a rebound relationship and once all the initial euphoria will be gone, which usually happens within a year, they will face the cold reality of their true personalities, as i said my ex has a very hard personality to bear, the person has to be super extra patient to be able to stand her. So i hope that once it will happened, she will fall really hard on her face and then she will come to me for comfort, like she did ALL THE TIME during these 6 years, so i could make her feel even worst.

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Whilst I agree that she acting is an very dissapointing way, I feel from your posts on here that you have let your bitterness take you too far with these desires to see her hurt.

 

You see, the problem you have is that you are sinking to her level and getting yourself wrapped up in all this stuff, while she is busy getting on with her life. The only one who's losing at the moment is you, irrespective of the possibility that her rebound will fail.

 

Would you rather sit there all alone plotting revenge through karma, or get the healing process out of the way and out there meeting new people?

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Jettison. I am ok with what you are saying. The problem I have is that the dumpees do it at other peoples expenses. People get hurt. It doenst feel good to get hurt. The dumpees feel good about moving on but what about the other persons feelings. Is it ok to just walk around and hurt someone? What happened to people trying to make it work. I think people should stick it out and try to make it work. Its not good to pretend but its not good to cheat and hurt someone either.

 

What if, in the eyes of the dumper, they did stick it out and try to make it work, but despite all their efforts felt it wasn't in either their or their partner's power?

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ElChup to things.

First of all, although the though of her being hurt is pleasent to my years, most of it composed humorously and in a somewhat exaggerated way, i mean i dont sit and plot a revenge, im slowly moving on and do everything to heal and to move on, and it works pretty well, and even though you found my message to have these quality of a bitter person who lives for revenge, i just write it in this style because in a way it amuses, not like i live solely for it, although as i said if she will get hurt, i will not cry over it...hehe

and second of all about your answer to Brenda, if it doesnt work then just break it off in a supportive way, dont you agree with me?

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ElChup to things.

First of all, although the though of her being hurt is pleasent to my years, most of it composed humorously and in a somewhat exaggerated way, i mean i dont sit and plot a revenge, im slowly moving on and do everything to heal and to move on, and it works pretty well, and even though you found my message to have these quality of a bitter person who lives for revenge, i just write it in this style because in a way it amuses, not like i live solely for it, although as i said if she will get hurt, i will not cry over it...hehe

and second of all about your answer to Brenda, if it doesnt work then just break it off in a supportive way, dont you agree with me?

 

Of course I agree with you that a caring person breaks it off in a supportive way.

 

As for the rest. I shall have to take your word for that.

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Blakey. I do agree with you. I was told, I dont love you any more and want you out of my life. What kind of way is that to break up with a person youve been with for 7 years and has a child with. I think you say alot that makes sense. There is no easy way to break up, but this was harsh. Then he gave me the silent treatment for over 6 months and is still doing it after the break up. Im wondering do people take marriage vows seriously. For better or for worse does not mean, if we have an argument that gives me the right to sleep with someone else or if you have a hard day at work and come home in a bad mood I can sleep with anyone I chose. If marriage is not going to mean anything to you, then dont do it. I hope these cheaters are going to the free clinic. Im trying to get over all this but dont entertain the thought of sleeping with this person. This woman left her bf and he left me. Makes you wonder who else they have slept with. Sounds filthy to touch to me, both of them.

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Jettison...im talking about a case where the dumper is cruely dumping the dumpee ...

 

You are seriously jaded by your breakup. I know you are trying to be funny about it. But give it up. Be happy you are no longer with someone who didn't care about you, she just cared about what you could give her. You are in a better situation now. You no longer need to think about her or care about her.

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at some point all relationships, rebound or otherwise, will come out of the honeymoon phase and at some point these same relationships will run into bumps in the road, seeing differences in personalities and such. This, in essence, is the same thing that has happened any of us who have ever been dumped - first loves, rebounds, GIGS, whatever label you want to put on the relationship. we are all in the same boat...all could potentially run the same course, so if this does happen to the new relationship, it's pretty much the same thing that happened to you when your relationship dissolved. it's like a cycle that repeats itself with lots and lots of people.

 

but i get what you're doing. this is an effort to help yourself feel better.

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I would love to say that I agree with what was said but deep down I actually hope this relationship works for my partner. I am glad I read this post because this realisation has only just dawned on me. I don't want to see her hurt. I loved her and cared for her dearly but even I can see that maybe we weren't right for each other or if we were then the situation wasn't right. We went through a tough time and although we both could have handled the separation much better I do not truly blame her for what she has done.

 

I want her to be happy. She has had a string of unsuccessful relationships and I feel that she deserves to find someone who suits her and meets her needs. And so do I.

 

Good Luck C. I really do hope your new partner works out and if not I am here as a friend whenever you need.

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I think relationships should work, but not at the expense of walking over people and hurting others to find that perfect relationship. With my breakup I made sure I didnt get into a rebound relationship. Ive been sitting here suffering and crying and never thought I would feel like dating again. Cheating stinks, its wrong, deceitful, and hurts people. In marriages people think its ok to cheat because they have fallen out of love or because they have problems. They should have taken their marriage vows seriously. It means a committment thru ups and downs and good and bad.

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