So...my girlfriend became a stripper.

[Chesnick]

I haven't utilized this site in ages, but this week I find myself in quite an interesting situation, and I'm curious to see what others might think.

 

So I've been seeing this girl (19) for a couple months now. We don't tell people we're dating, and don't even use the terms 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'. Not that we're afraid to commit to each other; neither of us are seeing other people, and we make an effort to see each other as much as we can. We just hate the pressure of labels. But for all intents and purposes, we're a couple.

 

Earlier this week she got a job as a dancer in a strip club. She actually didn't tell me until after working there for a few days, because she was nervous about what I might think. But I told her I'm fine with it; being in small-time show-biz myself, I've visited several of the clubs in town and have gotten to know some dancers personally, and I respect the work that they do. I told her that I support her decision, and that I'm glad she found a job, and I'm glad the other girls are nice and she seems to be enjoying it so far. (I should note, she never planned on being a stripper, nor has she done anything like this before. She basically just needed a job and thought, "why not? Might be fun.")

 

She told me this 2 days ago, and I'm currently out of town for the weekend. While I do support her and trust her, I'm beginning to get a very anxious feeling about the whole thing. I'm afraid the thought of her strutting around naked and giving lap dances to other guys all day is starting to get to me. But I don't want this to wear on our relationship; we've been great so far, and this has happened at a point when I think we were both settling into how close we've really become.

 

I assumed she wouldn't be comfortable with me coming to her club, but she said she would love it if I came to see her at work, so I told her I'd come in sometime this week. While before I thought it would be awesome to see her doing her thing, now I'm afraid I might get super jealous. And I'm not the jealous type!!

 

Anyhoo, I'd appreciate any thoughts from you fine folks. I keep switching back and forth between thinking "This is so cool!" and "This is bad!"

[flipmo]

Doesn't really sound like the foundation of a healthy fledging relationship, but each to their own I suppose. Having been to a strip club and had a private dance, I would feel very uncomfortable knowing my boyfriend had done the same and for that reason if I was in your shoes I would call it a day. But I am quite a jealous person.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It sounds like as your emotions get more invested in this woman you will be less and less able to handle the fact that she is a stripper. I think you need to really think about whether or not you should continue this relationship..because if you will not be able to handle her chosen job, it will result in a lot of fights and drama in the relationship.

[BriarRose]

I cocktailed at a strip joint when I was young. Many of them had boyfriends. It is not a healthy place, lots of drugs, alcohol, late nights. But it is her decision. I do not think it is a wise one. And once they start and the money comes in - they never leave.

[jul-els]

No matter how trusting a person is, an occupation like this will undermine trust in a relationship because it weakens the physical bond that two people have shared. Once those things are compromised, everything else goes with it.

[Ms Darcy]

So, she's not technically your gf, she is 19, and she's a stripper.

 

Hmm, do you think that relationship's gonna last?

[Sunny1607307996]

I commend you for being cool with everything and supporting her. I commend her for being transparent and honest.

 

However, despite your good intentions, you are jealous. I'm not sure this is a feeling that you can "get rid of" especially because I believe it is 100% warranted in this case.

 

You need to talk to her, if you want to stay in this relationship. Admit that despite your good intentions you are jealous. Maybe if you set up some parameters and boundaries it would ease your mind....or maybe she needs to find another job. I'm sure being a stripper isn't the only thing she is qualified to do.

 

Best of luck.

[BriarRose]

She's going to be making a ton of money, so you need to anticipate it unlikely she will be leaving it anytime soon. The lure of money is very strong. If she loves you, she may consider quitting, but if the relationship is as casual as you describe, she probably won't.

[Miss Firecracker]

Just have fun and see what happens. She may hate the job and quit very soon. If not, I hope she shares some of the jackpot with you.

 

My cousin used to work at a topless bar. She's a complete basket case, but it wasn't the job that caused it. She was born like that.

[KJones1]

Dude, you are setting yourself up for disaster and heartbreak. Now, I know you might be cool with it, but strip clubs as kinda-like-a-show they are, is sex work. I know b/c I have been to them and know what happens there. There are a lot of drugs and a lot of money there to tempt her to do things she may normally not do. And also as a man, I personally wouldn't want my woman giving another man sexual thrills. But that is just me. Dating a stripper would be great knowing that it would never be serious and it's just for fun and if you don't care if another man paws at that girl. But to have a serious relationship with a girl, and especially at age 19, who is taking her clothes off for money from another man, it's just sounds like you are setting yourself up for jealousy and then heartache. I wouldn't invest your heart into this one. Have fun, but be careful. Sorry to be so blunt.

[ItRainsItPours]

it sounds like that relationship is in serious danger. it's sad but strip clubs can be a very self destructive place for the girls working there. I would back out of the relationship if I were you. Im an open minded person and Im sure shes a nice girl, but would you want to bring a stripper home to your mother? nice girl or not that isnt too classy

[Chesnick]

Thanks for the responses everyone. Even if there are things I don't want to hear, they are things I must think about.

 

I will give it a couple weeks. If it starts to drive me batsh*t crazy, I will tell her she needs to look for a new job if she wants to stay together. She's a very reasonable person, and she should understand my apprehension. But MissKitty brings up a good point; if it brings in the money, she's not gonna want to drop it. The sad/ironic part is, the main reason she wants the money is so she can move into her own place, and one of the main reasons she wants her own place is so she can see me more often. Tough circumstances.

 

So again, thanks for everyone's advice. Though let me say this: being 19 does not make her an idiot, and working in a strip club does not make her an idiot. I have met 27-year-old financial analysts who are far more foolish, immature and self-absorbed than this girl. So those criteria alone do not make this relationship less valid. (And the idea of a relationship "lasting" is completely relative anyway. Neither of us are looking to get married, mind you.)

 

Before I go, my friend said something yesterday that also made me think:

"Dating a stripper is hard, and she knows. If you hang in there, you are doing something most guys aren't willing to do, and she will appreciate it. She will also bear this in mind when other guys try to hit on her; you're the one who sees her as a person, not a dancer."

[pl3asehelp]

She just started stripping?

 

Well in the next few weeks she's going to be introduced to something else - escorting. She might call it something else, especially when she talks to you, but she'll be meeting men outside the strip club at various places like hotels and parties. She might tell you she's doing private dances. In these places there are no rules and the men are going to offer her LOTS of money to do more than strip.

 

It's really not a healthy lifestyle.

 

Sorry to say, but this relationship is over.

[TakingtheBlame]

Encourage her to go for it . Its no problem really and she has the chance to make some GREAT money .

 

Its a good age to start also , and at 19 if she has a nice body she should be successful . Yes no doubt she'll be really turning on the Guys , who will be lusting over her naked body , and walking around with Big Hard - ons .... But she'll be coming homes to you , hope she has managed to stay in the industry .

 

...Really?

[InvisibleWound]

If I had a girlfriend who became a stripper I wouldn't be able to hold it together I don't think. I am the jealous type, not jealous in a bad way, but I think it would be hard to deal with more then anything. You have feelings for this girl so your bound to get a little bit jealous I think and she shouldn't suspect anything less. Although seeing her at work could cause a lot of tension, then again I don't know though. I have never been in the situation myself. I just know if I was I would have trouble dealing with it I think...