But, I am alone

[Scare]

What other way to start off this topic with, I hate my life. I'm worthless! Everything that could possibly go wrong happens to me. i have no best friends to turn to, my girlfriend just broke up with me today, i have nowhere to turn, nothing to look forward to. Every single day i think of ways to kill myself. or just an escape. ive starred at my car multiple times, wondering if i just drove off, and never came back.. what would happen. As i type this im starring at a full bottle of pills, and i'm holding myself by a thread from grabbing that bottle and trying to OD. Nothing goes right for me. ive been depressed for idk how long. im a paranoid person about everything, im jealous over everything, i hate all the painful crap i deal with day after day. there has never been a perfect day. I dont want to tell my mom i want to see a psychiatrist, because i know she'll flip and try and nurse me, which i dont want at all. Theres nobody that could help me. nobody that could drive me to a psychiatrist, nobody that could help. I don't believe in god. i don't believe in reincarnation, and thats another reason holding me from death. what will happen? is it just... black? a dark hole forever? do i just never think again? There has to be something.

 

If the school announced my death tomorrow morning, i doubt many people would be intrested or care.

 

I don't know what to do, ive felt this way for too long. i need help.

[BellaDonna]

I am so sorry that you are going through so much.

 

This seems like an emergency- you should call a suicide hotline or 911 if you don't want to tell your mom.

 

Keep talking here.

 

It might help put things in perspective if you read this thread

[JohnnyDynamic]

Fragmentation and alienation are common today. Don't stack your problems on top of each other. Just knock them down individually. Some days just making it through is enough. Just endure for now and be safe...

[Scare]

This seems like an emergency- you should call a suicide hotline or 911 if you don't want to tell your mom.

]

 

..what would i tell a suicide hotline. or 911 for that matter

[BellaDonna]

..what would i tell a suicide hotline. or 911 for that matter

 

You would need to tell them how bad you are feeling/you are in a crisis, and this:

 

Every single day i think of ways to kill myself. or just an escape. ive starred at my car multiple times, wondering if i just drove off, and never came back.. what would happen. As i type this im starring at a full bottle of pills, and i'm holding myself by a thread from grabbing that bottle and trying to OD.

 

The hotlines have people who can talk to you, to help you to feel calm, put things in perspective, and offer you some help.

[CC141]

Where in CA are you? Def call a hotline