Karma is a myth

[pumpkinmoon]

I do actually believe in Karma for bad people. I'm not talking about ex's who had to leave for legitimate reasons like falling out of love or similar, but I do feel that bad people have bad things happen to them.

[iBroken]

I can tell you that Karma does exist and this man will get whats coming to him one day, and he will look back and know why it came from him.

 

I have experienced Karma and I have seen Karma. I was horrible to my ex-ex girlfriend - Horrible. I took advantage of her and took her for granted. I wont post my actions but they were not always pleasant. I am a nice person, I was just in a bad place at the time. Karma came back to me in my relationship with my now ex. Things happened and when they did I automatically looked back to my actions of my ex-ex and understood why they had happened to me. Then my current ex hurt me more then I hurt my ex ex and left in such a destructive manner. Now my current ex is struggling and has nothing. She has lost friends whom she thought she was close to, she lost her job, and while she thinks she was unhappy in our relationship, she has come to find that it wasnt our relationship that made her unhappy, it was her. She is unhappier then ever.

 

My ex-ex probably got frustrated wondering when I would get my Karma. It took a couple of years but she came back for me. And fortunately for me, I got to watch Karma work its magic in 2 months.

 

You may not ever know when it will come back for him, but I can assure you it will.

[wlh22]

Thank you misskitty. I feel the EXACT same way...

[wlh22]

By the way misskitty, i think we are thinking about this the same way (and reacting to exes not caring in the same way). i was trying to PM you but couldn't...

[penelope13]

Ok, you are angry. I get it. Let it all out.

 

You are angry with him for rejecting your love, you are angry with him for rejecting friendship, you are angry with him for not supporting you while you are battling cancer.

You are angry because good people like you are not in a relationship, have to battle a disease, while undeserving people have it so easy, have their health and have love.

 

Are you angry at yourself that you didn't step away when he rejected your love?

Are you angry at yourself that you offered friendship, although he didn't act like a friend?

Are you angry at yourself that you pretended to be his friend while you were hoping for more?

Are you angry at yourself that you are thinking about him every day while he has long moved on?

Are you angry about wasting your energy on someone who doesn't deserve it?

 

Are you angry at me for all these questions?

 

 

- GOOD!

 

 

Scream out your anger, release it. Hit your pillow, the wall, anything, but let go of all this pentup resentment, anger, frustration.

 

 

Now breath. Deep long breaths.

 

I have no idea if Karma really exists, but I believe in creating your own Karma:

- accept the things that you can't change and over which you do not have any power. Nobody can say why some people have to face disease, tragedy, death while others seemingly never have to deal with these things. If you feel overwhelmed and treated unfairly by how 'karma' is treating you, try to remember there are people who are much worse off than you. That doesn't mean that you do not have a right to be upset, to feel pain, but try to understand you are not the only one.

 

- karma is unfair and giving preferential treatment to the undeserving? If that is so, why then add to this imbalance by giving your love, support, attention to someone who has proven to not be there for you?

 

- identify the things you have power over and can change - and then CHANGE them. As long as you have not done everything that you can do yourself to improve your own situation, you can't complain that other people have not done what they can do to change your situation. Leading by example. treat yourself well, respect yourself - and others will follow. why should I invest any time and energy into someone who clearly is unwilling to do that for him/ herself?

 

-have patience. some things just take time. yes, maybe for others things look to go easier, faster, without struggle - be aware: you do not know their inner struggles as they don't know yours and what seems to be perfect, might just be an illusion.

But as long as you decide to stay on the same spot in your life, don't be surprised that nothing changes and improves for you.

 

So enough with the pity-party. Go and start with the rest of your life today!

[bullonparade]

Yes there is Karma but it is your Karma. Your ex's Karma is your ex's Karma. Make sense? Maybe your Karma will reward you in 10 minutes or 10 years for taking a hard situation and dealing with it but Karma will not punish or seek vengange.

 

Your ex has his own Karma to deal with it and you have no idea what's going to happen. Maybe goofing up this realtionship is Karma not letting him be happy at this time for something he has already done or maybe he is setting up for something in the futute to happen to him. Maybe you're building up more Karma. What sucks the most is you never know until way down the road. 5 years from now it will make sense. Right now you are builiding your own Karma - decide what you want to get out of this and invest that attitude. I may have set a record for typing the word "Karma" 10 times in one message.

[curiocity]

Sometimes the universe works in mysterious ways. And it almost certainly work at its own pace.

 

Have you ever considered that the universe, or god, saved you from this guy? What if it was like chemo…yes chemo is very painful but it removes cancer. This guy was cancer to your being and karma/universe/god saved you from him.

[ProtestTheHero]

There is no Karma. Life is positively and absolutely arbitrary and random. It rains on the good and the bad. Sometimes "good" people never experience a happy and fulfilling life. Sometimes "bad" people will live life to its fullest, have everything they want, and never experience the sort of hardships you feel they deserve. Why? Because life is two things: Life is the hand you are dealt and how you choose to play that hand. Some people are dealt pocket aces, and it isn't hard to play pocket aces well. Things just seem to fall into place and they get what they want. Some people have 78 of spades and just need to wait for the right situation at the right time and things come together...you might not mesh well with most people, but once you fight someone or something that you connect with, the bond is powerful.

 

Some people are dealt 72 off suit. Their hand sucks and their situation sucks. They only have one shot, and that's to seize control and bet out at the pot and bluff the hell out of everyone. When you're in a crappy situation, the only thing you can do is seize control and bulldoze your way out of it. No one will come to the rescue.

 

Life is not cosmic forces, karma, or any of that -- it's just us. When you're in a crappy situation, no one will step aside for you or be there. You have to bushwhack your way through yourself.

[BriarRose]

Thank you everyone for your support - I don't want to be this way - it's really not who I am (believe it or not). I've just had so much happen to me lately....and there is so much coldness in the world, I need a thicker skin...

[CatsMeeoow]

I agree, and I HATE feeling this way. But I can't shut my emotions off and I am so angry some days. It's just so unfair that some people can hurt so badly while the ones who hurt them remain unaffected.

 

By who's measure are they unaffected? Do you really truly know what is happening in his world? If you haven't heard from him who's to say how well he is or isn't doing? Maybe he is dealing with a crappy job... complete financial losses... a very close family member who is gravely ill.

 

Perhaps these "unaffected" people are that way because they have an easier time letting go the things that they feel are not important in THEIR life. Maybe they've learn the secret to being free of disappointment and bitterness.

 

But, I think you would steer yourself wrong that just because on the outside someone appears unaffected that they truly are.

 

I think you are clouded with the raw edges of hurt emotions. Its easier to look out at everyone else and think they have it easier or that they are unaffected. I know... I've been there... and you when come out on the other side you'll wake to find that they weren't "unaffected" its just they choose to deal with things in a way different from yours.

 

I know it hurts feeling like this guy wasn't there when things were most vulnerable for you but perhaps he just couldn't. We can't make our friends want to be by oursides... maybe your being sick was just too close to home for him... It doesn't make him bad it just makes him not good for you.

 

HUGS!!!!!

[surfNski]

No, there is no karma, I have seen countless people who have done terrible things living the good life and are happy as they can be. Of course we all want to believe that "what goes around comes around" or "have faith, you are better off without them" it lets us sleep at night and gives us hope that things will be alright.

I get looking on the brightside and having faith in some fantasy to get you through the hardships of life but if you take a good hard look at reality you will see life insnt always fair and equal.

My ex walked out and is doing fine. I saw her a week or two back and she looked stunning. There was no remorse or guilt she just goes on with life without a care in the world that she devastated me.

 

So no, no karma....

[agent1607307371]

Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people - how is that ripple?

 

Because people act and get acted on. If you're in a bad mood do you wait to find a bad person to go off at? No, you go off at the first available person. It's about who's in the way, not who "deserves" it.

 

Karma isn't about being avenged by the universe. If you're sat around waiting for that, you're going to be waiting a loooooong time.

 

Karma is when you act badly towards someone. Who is then hurt and acts badly towards someone else. Who is hurt and acts badly towards someone else.

 

The point about escaping the wheel of kharma is that when someone acts badly to you, you accept it and leave it there. Move on without their bad behaviour affecting your behaviour.

 

If you stay in the state where your ex is still affecting you even though he's out of your life, then that's your karma. Start consciously letting it go.

 

You want someone who will treat you right? But you're completely stuck on this guy who didn't. How can you have space for the right guy then if it's taken up by the rubbish one?

 

 

And if you still have to win - living well is the best revenge.

[BriarRose]

Trust me, this guys life is a cakewalk. He has no bills, just got done sightseeing the country, his kids are grown, he's in perfect health (which is good - I would NEVER wish illness on someone), and on a dating site.

 

When I say "unaffected", I just mean it would be nice if they had a conscious. If they felt something - remorse, guilt - something. I don't mean I want something bad to happen to him - he is a cold person, but he doesn't deserve that.

 

But nonetheless, I DO want to let go of this bitterness - I know it's both ugly and unhealthy and I will try to let it go..

[penelope13]

He might be feeling all those things that you hope for, yet he has decided not to interact with you (for whatever reason).

 

You are stuck a bit in a paradox; until you recognize that it is a paradox, you will not be able to move on from this:

 

A: you believe that in order to be able to move on, you need proof that he at least cared for you on some level. In order to deliver this proof he would have to contact you and explicitly state so since otherwise you are just going around and around in circles to come to some sort of conclusion what he might be thinking about you.

 

B: if he would be contacting you and giving you the above mentioned proof, you would immediately jump to the conclusion: 1) he cares about me. 2) there might still be a chance to change his mind, because if he didn't have any romantic feelings, he wouldn't contact you --> you would allow yourself again to be in a situation where you hope

 

C: if he doesn't contact you, you are upset because you believe he doesn't care for you. But as it seems to be impossible for you to accept that someone might not care for you on some level, even though you treated him 'so well', i.e. you 'deserve' his care you will not allow yourself to move on until you convince yourself that he did care for you afterall.

 

 

The thing about paradoxes and how to solve them is, that you essentially look at all the assumptions that they are based on and then just change those assumption, i.e. in your particular case all you have to do is to accept that maybe he did NOT care for you, but that is not the end of the world. just because he didn't want to be with you doesn't implies that noone else will.

[penelope13]

I don't remember where I heard this:

 

"Why risk being rejected by a new person, when you can make sure you will fail by sticking to an unavailable person?"

[BriarRose]

I know he doesn't care or he would have contacted me by now. I just feel he handled it so poorly and I'm angry that people like him (cold and unfeeling) walk the Earth without a care in the world while we hurt.

 

But I know that I need to let it go.....I understand....

[penelope13]

Are you proud that you are a caring person?

[BriarRose]

Are you proud that you are a caring person?

I was, but lately I am ashamed of how much anger is in me.

[penelope13]

So if you take pride (let's forget the anger for the time being) in being a caring person, where would you take your pride from, if every single person walking the earth was as caring as you?

[learning2relax]

MissK, it is perfectly normal to feel the anger associated with what you went through and where you find yourself. The key is how long you stay there.

 

You can always look at it this way - you have your answer to the type of person he is if he truly doesn't have a care in the world after walking away. In the end, you wouldn't want to associate yourself with someone that is so cold and callous. He just helped you see what you didn't otherwise see - for whatever the reasons are. Funny how we have a tendency to give more credit to someone that we give our hearts to then our friends. If a friend was to treat you in such a way, it may hurt but then you tend to move on faster. With a person you had a relationship with, we feel betrayed, want answers, apologies and explanations. Totally get it. But in the end, if you get all the things you are asking for - are you better?

 

Let yourself move through the pain and anger. There are phases of healing and you will bounce back and forth - unfortunately you don't complete one and then move cleanly to the next. You just bounce back to one less as you move on to the next. Give yourself the permission to be angry for how you were treated. It was wrong. Recognize you are not only angry with him but also with yourself. For trusting him in your relationship only to find yourself being treated badly.

 

My guess is you are asking about Karma because you want to know that there will be some impact on his life for his actions. You are angry and your feelings at this moment are understandable. However, when you are no longer considered with karma - you will be in a better place. It isn't about how he pays for his actions in the long run. It is nice to think about when you are angry. It is about what you learn about this experience about yourself. If you believe in karma then the same karma you might want to feel comfort in him dealing with would also apply to you. Move through this to forgiveness. I don't doubt that at some point he will be faced with how he treated you - not on your timetable - that is the part that stinks..... But if he was the type of person that you allowed in your life and care about - and if you trust your judgment enough....he will get there and feel terrible for it. He is just in a place of denial and avoidance right now to not deal with what he did. You can only run away from that for so long before it catches up with you.

 

Kind of like the saying......"if a tree falls in the forest and no one was around to hear it, did it make a sound?" Just because we don't witness when they face the consequences of their actions doesn't mean that they don't. You just have no idea when that happens. More a question of "when" then "if."

 

Take care of yourself. You will get to the other side. The journey isn't pleasant but still an opportunity to learn and grow. Silver lining...........keep looking for it. It is there.

[BriarRose]

So if you take pride (let's forget the anger for the time being) in being a caring person, where would you take your pride from, if every single person walking the earth was as caring as you?

That is true.

 

But sadly, many uncaring people (like him) will find love and many caring and kind people will be alone.

[BriarRose]

I will try to work on forgiveness....I need to forgive him, I think, before I can move on. (I mean forgive him in my heart).

[atelis]

That is true.

 

But sadly, many uncaring people (like him) will find love and many caring and kind people will be alone.

 

what is the point in caring for someone else if you don't care for yourself? Unless you care for yourself, how can you truly give love to another? unconditional love is the justification that a lot of people use to hide the fact that they essentially have little love for themselves.

[BriarRose]

what is the point in caring for someone else if you don't care for yourself? Unless you care for yourself, how can you truly give love to another? unconditional love is the justification that a lot of people use to hide the fact that they essentially have little love for themselves.

It is true. I don't love myself right now. I want to forgive him. I don't want to be angry. I'm ashamed of all this anger and bitterness. It's not me.

[atelis]

It is true. I don't love myself right now. I want to forgive him. I don't want to be angry. I'm ashamed of all this anger and bitterness. It's not me.

 

it's not about the anger or the forgiveness or him........none of this is about him miss kitty, that's what penelope and i are trying to get accross to you