Thank you for not caring about your kids

[Nidania]

This is just a vent, I'm fuming something terrible over here, and I need to spill it before I explode.

 

My ex-husband hasn't seen his children since mid December. No problem, it was my year for Christmas this year. That's fine. Never mind that he forgot about his son's 13th birthday on the 23rd, this isn't about that.

 

The children were supposed to see him this weekend. Awesome, it's Christmas time with Daddy. Except he's not coming to pick them up. He chose to live over 3 hours from his own children, we didn't move location. He is claiming he has no money left from Christmas to spend on gas for the car to pick up his kids.

 

My daughter is very hurt. My son will be crushed when he finds out this afternoon. They were supposed to go tomorrow, have been looking forward to it for ages.

 

I guess he spent all of his money on his latest girlfriend and HER children. Didn't even set aside enough money to fuel up his car so he could spend a little time with his own flesh and blood. I'm so glad he has his priorities straight, that his latest fling's family matters more to him than HIS OWN CHILDREN.

 

You know what I hope? I hope that when he gets papers served to him next week for child support payments that he's not making, that he gets so angry he decides he never wants to see his children again. Just deal this one devastating blow, and let them heal, rather than constantly stabbing them a little over and over and over again... breaking promises, not calling when he says he will, stringing them along pretending like he actually gives a damn.

 

I can't believe I ever procreated with him.

[DN]

I never understand parents who, of their own volition, distance themselves partially or completely from their children.

[doityourself]

Im sorry your going thru this, just make sure you let your kids come to thier own conclusions. I also had a non existant dad (well until he went to prison). There will be a time in his life that he regrets what he is doing, he will want his kids around him and then he will be the one with the hurt feelings.

[EternalSingle]

Why did you anyway? Was he different back then?

[Catdancer]

i"m sorry. I think I did this once before, I dont really have any advice for you, but I just wanted to chime in and call your ex a major douche bag and say that you are doing a wonderful job as a single mom. Can you plan something special to do with the kids this weekend? Something that they would love to do, yet rarely get the chance to do? An indoor waterpark or something like that?

[Nidania]

Why did you anyway? Was he different back then?

 

Yes, he was different. He was sweet, attentive... of course I find out after the divorce that he was cheating on me within 3 weeks of the marriage, but I didn't know that at the time...

 

I thought he was The One. I was wrong. Really, really REALLY wrong.

[doityourself]

Great Idea Catdancer, show your kids that you are there for them even if hes not.

[Nidania]

i"m sorry. I think I did this once before, I dont really have any advice for you, but I just wanted to chime in and call your ex a major douche bag and say that you are doing a wonderful job as a single mom. Can you plan something special to do with the kids this weekend? Something that they would love to do, yet rarely get the chance to do? An indoor waterpark or something like that?

 

That is a great idea. I will talk it over with both of the kids when my son comes home from music lessons.

 

Sigh. It's been over 4 years, and he just keeps managing to become a bigger and bigger loser. Seriously, just WALK AWAY from the kids altogether, and get it over with! Stop hurting them like this!

[EternalSingle]

Yes, he was different. He was sweet, attentive... of course I find out after the divorce that he was cheating on me within 3 weeks of the marriage, but I didn't know that at the time...

 

I thought he was The One. I was wrong. Really, really REALLY wrong.

 

Well, at least you HAVE procreated. I am envious.

[Nidania]

I never understand parents who, of their own volition, distance themselves partially or completely from their children.

 

You and me both DN. I just don't understand it. How can a parent not feel pain when their child does? How can a parent live with themselves when they KNOW they are the reason for their child's pain?

 

He had so many options, but no, he chose to pick up and move hours away, then blame me for not making it easier for him to see his children.

[Sanesoul]

People like him make my blood boil. I'm sorry you were so unlucky to have your children have such an a**hat for a father. At least they have a mother like you who is attentive and loving. I would hope he regrets it someday, but my father never did. Keep your head held high and know that despite what a horrid father this man is, they have you.

[sidehop]

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation Nidania, I don't understand parents like this. But it's pretty apparent why he's the one having to pay child support. I know a guy just like him. Actually two. One completely left his daughter before she was born and saw her once, disappeared from her life forever by signing his rights away just so he never had to pay child support.

[thejigsup]

My ex did the same thing. Never heard a word from after my son turned 8. I doubt he feels sorry at all. From what the DA tells me, he moves from one place to another regularly. I hear from some of his friends once in a great while. Seems he still parties and has a good time. That killed the karma theory for me. And, yes, I have proof he has been living a pretty good life, he just never stayed anywhere long enough to get caught. Sigh. Sometimes men can be such flakes!

[Nidania]

My ex did the same thing. Never heard a word from after my son turned 8. I doubt he feels sorry at all. From what the DA tells me, he moves from one place to another regularly. I hear from some of his friends once in a great while. Seems he still parties and has a good time. That killed the karma theory for me. And, yes, I have proof he has been living a pretty good life, he just never stayed anywhere long enough to get caught. Sigh. Sometimes men can be such flakes!

 

That's what I'm afraid of I guess... that the karma police will never catch up to him.

 

Do you find things easier now that he has completely walked away and stopped pretending to be a father?

[oldenoughtoknow]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm going through something similar with my ex wife, so I feel your pain, and your children's pain. Eventually, your kids will stop believing his promises or looking forward to anything he may do with them. It's sad, but it's the best thing they can do to protect themselves. Doing something special with your kids this weekend is a perfect idea.

[Siriana]

I am so sorry.

You must be really angry and upset now.

I am sure you are a great mom.

[thejigsup]

It was much harder financially, but better emotionally for me. I hated him and since he drank and used drugs, I never let him have unsupervised visitation. He didn't want much visitation, anyway, so that was never an issue. He just disappeared one day. It hurt my son, I know that. Your kids will feel it, there is not way they won't. My son survived, he's a good adult now, but I know the hurt will never completely go away for him. I know there are good men out there, but they can be hard to find.

[Nidania]

That's the part that gets me. It hurts the kids. My son and daughter have told me before, they feel unloved by their own father. How sad is that.

 

I couldn't care less about him personally, it's the pain he causes his kids that infuriates me. No way should that be happening. He constantly cancels out on them, then on the rare occasion he actually shows up when he says he will... all of a sudden he's The Hero and the kids are head over heels again.

 

My son is 13, this is when he needs his Dad the most. I've actually resorted to hiring a male role model for him, he starts next week. He's a social worker who gets on with my son beautifully, and they will be meeting twice per week to do "guy stuff" together, that his own father couldn't be arsed to do with him.

[MnSnR]

Reading this makes me feel sick to the stomach. I have a 10 month old daughter and my ex is just starting to show signs like this now although he isn't as bad yet. I just don't understand in the slightest how a parent can treat their own children like this. They are the definition of evil. Cold hearted monsters.

[EternalSingle]

In terms of evolution it makes perfect sense; with the insemination of the female, the woman is guaranteed to bear a child with his DNA. More than that is not evolutionarily in the cards.

[Nidania]

In terms of evolution it makes perfect sense; with the insemination of the female, the woman is guaranteed to bear a child with his DNA. More than that is not evolutionarily in the cards.

 

I will be certain to tell my children that this evening when they are crying because they think their father doesn't love them.

 

I know what you are saying, and from a purely scientific point of view, it makes sense. But unfortunately, humans are also emotional creatures, and those emotions demand that a child feel loved by both people who helped to bring them into being.

[norsewoman]

My son is 13, this is when he needs his Dad the most. I've actually resorted to hiring a male role model for him, he starts next week. He's a social worker who gets on with my son beautifully, and they will be meeting twice per week to do "guy stuff" together, that his own father couldn't be arsed to do with him.

 

I know it's not the same as your son having his dad around, but this was a great idea. At least your son will have a reliable male presence in his life.

 

Hang in there...

[Seraphim]

I am sorry. I KNOW how your kids feel. It is a sad sad thing. For 30 years I wished that my father loved me, would keep promises,would be a better father. It took me 30 years to give up that hope. I still do not know if he does love me. He says he does. My mother says he does. But actions tell you everything. So maybe he THINKS he loves me, I do not believe that in my heart. Do I love him? Yes. I REALLY know how your kids feel. I am sorry.

[JonasWaingaro]

I think it's a great idea to take them out somewhere special and let them know they are loved and very very special themselves. I went through this as a kid. It's sad and hurtful. The disappointment is heart breaking. Like most I gave up at some point. I don't why some folks are like this. Seriously lack of character that's for sure. Anyhoo I hope they can have fun anyway. ((hugs))

 

Oh the stand-in guy sounds like an excellent idea. It is important to do 'guy' stuff!

[citymouse]

There will be a time in his life that he regrets what he is doing, he will want his kids around him and then he will be the one with the hurt feelings.

 

This happened in my own family with one of my uncles who took off for another woman and left his kids high and dry, and he played these emotional cat and mouse games for years: now you see him, now you don't.

 

It really screwed up my cousins quite well. The scars are still there 40 years later.

 

Now uncle is all alone in the nursing home.... boo hoo hoo.