ElizaLibbyBeth Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Wow! I thought I was doing soooo good. Made STUPID decisions this weekend. My ex of a month has told me over and over that we are done and I need to move on...he said we will never ever be back together and to sell the rings I have...(engagement rings). And he doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for a long time. I had a feeling he left, in part, for the possibility of another woman he works with...not the only reason, but a large part of the reason. He, of course denies that he has seen, or is seeing her...says he isn't seeing anyone. On to Fri. night...sent an e-mail saying I was sorry for my end of things and how I missed him and our family and missed the sex. I KNOW you guys...I am an idiot! So...he texts me later saying he is having drinks and watching a movie...long story short he asks me to come over...I couldn't, as we were having a blizzard and he moved WAY accross town. We text filthy back and forth for awhile and then say goodnight. The next day I text him...I am embarrassed to admit this...asking him if he wants to have drinks, watch a movie and have sex. He responds...yes.. come over. So...I do...we have drinks and sex and he tells me he loves me...we dont discuss a possible reconciliation...but he throws things out there like...how do you know we won't be together...don't stop sending me texts and e-mails, how glad he is I am there...and how he is seeing nobody. Spend a good portion of the next day there...spent time with him and our son...and asked him if he told me he loved me because he had been drinking...he said no...kissed and snuggled all day until I left. Of course telling him to call me later if he wants. Of course he doesn't...no surprise there huh? Today...called him tonight to talk to our son...he doesn't answer...logged into his voice mail...and LOW AND BEHOLD a message from the co-worker..."Hi handsome, it's me... just calling to see what you are doing...call me when you get a minute." So I am not crazy right??? He is seeing her, and probably having sexual relations with her...right??? I felt sooooooooooooo stupid and used....which I set myself up for...my own fault...still felt like a blow to the gut. He called me back to let me say goodnight to our son and I acted normal...just friendly, asked about his day, he asked about mine. I wanted to lose it big time. But we aren't together...so...what can I say really??? NOTHING at all. I can't do NC...we have a son. Don't even know what I am looking for posting this...I feel used (my fault for letting him) and in a sick way, better because I heard that message and don't have to wonder about her anymore...God I am a mess...want this to go away...NEED these feelings to go away!!! Sorry this is so long...I don't know what else to do...I want to tell him I love him and miss him everyday...so tired of faking that I am good and don't miss him. Every time I hear his voice and see him for our son I feel physically sick...will I ever be ok??? God...please say yes...please... Link to comment
newinvention Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Some guys are scumbags. He is one of them. Stay away... You will not change someone capable of this behavior. Go easy on yourself though - it's easy to make mistakes under the circumstances, but NOW you know better. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 You may have set yourself up for that but he is really a sleaze for taking you up on your offer when he is dating someone else. You had a moment of weakness..and now you know better. From now on just keep your interactions with him strictly about your son. Link to comment
ElizaLibbyBeth Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 That message she left DOES prove there is something between them right??? She wouldn't have called him handsome if there wasn't something going on...correct??? Link to comment
rigguy Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 You way too smart and got it right IMO. Don't think any words would help,.... you already know it honey. Link to comment
newinvention Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 From my perspective - Yes. He is with her. It sounds that way too from the quick, head-strong way he cut things off with you. Sorry for that, but that was my first thought when I read your post. Link to comment
rigguy Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 That message she left DOES prove there is something between them right??? She wouldn't have called him handsome if there wasn't something going on...correct??? No it does not, unless you know better, my coworkers send me all sort of crazy sh**. It isn't about the message, be realistic. Link to comment
ElizaLibbyBeth Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 I know it...I am not that big of a dummy...I don't know if it hurts more to have it confirmed...or at least now I don't have to wonder...it sucks all the way around... Link to comment
catfeeder Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 That message she left DOES prove there is something between them right??? She wouldn't have called him handsome if there wasn't something going on...correct??? Nope. It proves that they have friendly conversations, that's about it. Male coworkers have called me things like, 'babe' or 'beautiful' when leaving phone messages. It's not what they'd say on the job, but on casual friendly time, it's just not a big deal. In my own case, it's not even meant in a flirty way--I know these guys, and they are not coming on to me. Sorry you're feeling so lousy, and I hope you'll feel better soon. In your corner. Link to comment
SnowFox Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Sometimes we get weak and do things like this. Don't beat yourself up too much. You're only human. But use this experience to remind yourself not to do it in the future- you will only end up hurting yourself. Our exes hurt us, we have to be careful not to hurt ourselves as well. Link to comment
Cappysweety Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Your situation is difficult because NC is the only way to go with that clown (sorry but he is a clown), but also not an option. I have good news for you and bad news for you. The good news is yes it does get better and one day you WILL look back on this and laugh. You WILL be stronger and wiser and completely over him. The bad news is because he is the father of your child and you must interact with him, it takes a long time and you can’t compare it to any other breakup. I speak from experience, five years ago when I and my daughter’s father split, I thought I’d die from the pain. I couldn’t see me loving anyone else again. The worse part was feeling like a failure because I couldn’t keep my family together. Going to the park and seeing all the lovely couples and there I stood feeling like absolute sh%t. I remember one particular time when he came to pick her up for her overnight visit with him and once they left and the door closed, I just cried and cried. Months of acting like I was fine while watching him move on and actually be happy without me had taken their toll. There are a few things you need to acknowledge: 1. Stop having sex with him. Sex to him does not have the same value as it does to you, not matter how much you may love him. 2. Him telling you he loves you is probably true. He loves you as the mother of his child, this DOES NOT MEAN he wants to be with you. I PROMISE you if he wanted to be with you he would be. 3. You cannot compare to the new lady in his life. I know this hurts but let me explain. A couple of years ago I purchased a brand new car, but had not sold my old one yet. Since the old one was paid in full I decided to keep it at first, but sold it after a year. My old car was reliable, still looked good, never once gave me a problem and I had some pretty great memories with it but it couldn’t compete with the shiny new rims and new car smell of my new car. You are the old car right now. He will keep you around if you choose to stay because you are comfortable, familiar, and hold nice memories. Unfortunately, you will only be driven one in a blue because the new car will be the one getting the regular maintenance and taken around town. This has nothing to do with you as a person, she is just something new and new = exciting. I am happy to report my child’s father and I are now really good friends and I have absolutely no desire to be with him… but can you guess what happened? He wants me back so bad it hurts and I don’t give him the time of day. He has pursued me relentlessly for 2 years now, going so far as to puchase me a new engagement ring and re-proposing. It seems his “new car,” wasn’t as reliable as he first thought. The problem is I am no longer the person I was 5 years ago and for that reason, he isn't someone I would consider dating. Work on yourself, join a gym, go back to school, take up a new and exciting hobby. Step outside your comfort zone and move forward. I promise you time heals all and this DOES get better. Slowly nad with many set backs but it will happen... Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 You are human. We ALL rip the bandaide of at some point. Everyone does. If they say they don't, they are lying. You know what you need to do girl. Stay strong. this man doesn't deserve you! Link to comment
1guygirl Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 hard lesson u learnt there hinny, but you know what, i doubt you will ever need revision on that 1 again now do what ever you have to do to start again with the healing...LC, civil but not getting into anything, keep it short and neat and you dont even owe the pr*ck eye contact anno this is hard times you will be experiencing but what goes around really does come back around and you will fly higher than him....in time xxx Link to comment
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