Positive LC made

[LoveSoDeep]

That is tough. What did she say exactly...it sounds like even she isn't sure she wants to try again...that would make it even more difficult I would think.

 

I would say unless she is 100% sure that she really wants to try and work hard at this to just continue moving on. Maybe is not good enough after what you've been through. Do you still have feelings for her?

[matador1972]

That is tough. What did she say exactly...it sounds like even she isn't sure she wants to try again...that would make it even more difficult I would think.

 

I would say unless she is 100% sure that she really wants to try and work hard at this to just continue moving on. Maybe is not good enough after what you've been through. Do you still have feelings for her?

 

Yeah, ill always love her, but ive met someone else and we are getting on great, a really healthy relationship, ive pretty much decided im going to tell her im not interested, but ill have a proper think about it before speaking to her.

[OptomisticGirl]

NO! Don't do it!

 

Sorry, had to get that out.

 

You are in a great relationship, why go back? Why even think about going back? I understand the history is there and so are the kids but as you even said, this new relationship is MUCH healthier. As much 'time process' as you put in it, at the end of the day, do you reallly think things would turn out for the better if you took her back?

 

And what about the new girl? Does she know you are conflicted? Conflicted isn't the right word but it's the one that comes to mind...

[doiiiieeezie]

He is thinking about going back because there is history, they have children, this is not a new situation with them. From what I have read in your posts, both you and her have been acting "friendly" when it's obvious that you two still have some kind of feelings. However, it comes out as indifference, and that's never good.

 

I think you should have an honest discussion with your current girlfriend about what is happening and your feelings.. because if it is a great healthy relationship, then she should know the truth, and I am sure that she is a great gal that can handle your situation. Having said that, your current relationship is new and as always, things will settle down eventually and this issue may come up if it is not dealt with currently.

 

I don't think you should go back to her just because she "thinks" that you two "could" work things out, because you have been down that road with her a few months ago. You're conflicted, she's indecisive, and it's best to stay in the status quo until you know for sure what you do want or she actually stays single, steps up and makes an effort.

[matador1972]

Told my ex i wasnt interested, then as co-incidence would have it, my girlfriend told me tonight that she loved me for the first time, so all in all a productive day

[adviseseeker]

Oh wow sounds good I guess, hopefully this new relationship is even better than the one with your ex.

 

It's interesting because just a few months ago you were talking about how she was your penguin and she stayed with you through your rough times (with the weight) and you were hoping to stay by her side during her tough times (identity crisis?).

 

Things haven't gone too fast with the new girlfriend have they? I hope not, it's best to take things slow as you will probably have some residual feelings for your ex wife for a very long time - plus you will have to incorporate her into your family at some point while still being in contact with your ex wife for the kids on family occasions, holidays, etc.

 

I would be cautious then, you don't want to be jumping into things too fast on a rebound or end up begging for your wife back then having it be too late. Just make sure the new woman is worth it...and that you're making the right decision. Remember there is always a honeymoon period and things always seem wonderful in the initial stages. Remember back in Christmas when you told your wife that you had fallen helplessly in love with her again? I know it's been a while (6 months?) and she put you through a lot but I guess I'm the kind of person that would consider the history and the kids a deal worth fighting for over a leap of faith new relationship.

 

Just my opinions!

 

Question though, did your ex know you were dating these past few months?

[matador1972]

Yeah, she knew i was dating, actually i took the girl i was seeing out of the equation when basing my decision on whether to try again with my ex, i just thought back to how i was with her before we split and i wasnt that happy in my life, my wife and I are back being good friends, best friends probably and I feel we both have the best of each other now without any of the messy stuff, my kids are nearly grown up (16 and 14) and i spoke to my eldest daughter who was actually against us getting back together!

[matador1972]

Well thought id update this thread, today was a strange day, my wife told me she was introducing her boyfriend to the kids this weekend for the first time, which strangely is the same time im also introducing the kids to my girlfriend. We are both now in love, but with two different people, the funny thing was, when she told me she was in love with someone else (same name as me strangely!), i did feel a little sad, but only a little, i was happy for her, I told her first that I was in love with my girlfriend, the kids tell me they are talking about buying a house together, im genuinly happy for her.

 

Its strange, as Ive fallen myself over the past months, especially in the last month where i definetely know that I love my girlfriend, im experiencing feelings and experiences i havent had before, a connection that i have never had before, much better sex than ive ever had before, and a mutual attraction and respect that was never there with my wife. Today really, after 8 months, marks the day that I know I am over my breakup, Im really happy and excited about the future.

 

I know Ill always love my wife, she was with me half my life, but after seeing how good things can be with someone else, I can hand on heart say my wife did me the biggest favour of my life, i was coasting along, with no passion or excitement in my life, and ive got that by the bucketload now, Ill always be a little sad that things didnt work out for me and my wife, but I suspect thats just male pride thinking that someone else can make her happy.

 

This forum was a great support to me in the early days, there was some horrific dark days and nights that i just didnt think i had the strength to go on, Im glad to have come out the other side intact, and remained friends with my ex as well, which i think is a rare and cool thing.

 

Bottom line, sometimes the worst thing you can think of it turns out to be a blessing in disguise, im so lucky to have met a wonderful girl who makes me laugh, makes me want to do stupid stuff with, and makes me smile every time i think about her.

 

Theres life after a breakup folks, if you let it happen.

[matador1972]

Further update, that weekend above was actually a bit tough, kids found a used condom in the toilet, and rather than just introduce her new guy to the kids, she moved him in, wasnt really expecting it to affect me, but it did upset me at the time, especially when my daughter told me about the condom.

 

Anyway, was a few weeks ago now and everything has settled down again, i think she's crazy personally, moving a guy in less than a month after telling me she might want to try again, but she's on her own path now and has her own mistakes to make. My kids dont particularly like the guy (he's spending a lot of money on their mum and i think can see through him a little)

 

Moral of this story is, even when you think you cant be hurt any more, something can still jump up and bite you on the bum, this being the case in point.

 

Having a great time with my new girl though, she makes me laugh in a way my ex never, and has a couple of gorgous little boys that i have a grea time playing with.