matador1972 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 Thanks. That ex was young though (the one that gave me the "I need to find myself" line), and truly did need find out who she was. Being young, she hadn't completely developed her own self and needed time and space to figure those things out. Well my wife is 40 in 3 months, (we been split for 3), we have been together since she was 21, so we both really need some time apart to see how life is before we get back together. Im happy today, im hopeful for the future, to hear her say im her soulmate was great, its given me great hope for the future and a really solid foundation to build on. Link to comment
matador1972 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 Little update, she was supposed to be working last night, but had written it down wrongly, so i invited her over and we had a nice night in, she was supposed to be coming over tonight, so i said she can take the kids if she wants, but she still wants to come over. That will be 4 out of 6 evenings we have spent together, had a great time together. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 She said you guys were making progress?? Sounds like she does want you back to me. Link to comment
matador1972 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 She said you guys were making progress?? Sounds like she does want you back to me. No, she didnt say that, im hopeful xmas brings us back together, but im not in any rush, im quite happy for her to live in her flat till her lease expires in march and just date each other till then, would probably be the best thing to do, but i have no idea yet what will happen. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 Don't feel bad, I'm hoping I'll get a Christmas miracle too. It's my favorite time of year and I'm thinking, everyone else is getting them, can I get just one? lol Link to comment
matador1972 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 Don't feel bad, I'm hoping I'll get a Christmas miracle too. It's my favorite time of year and I'm thinking, everyone else is getting them, can I get just one? lol Ill keep my fingers crossed for you! Spent another 9 hours today with my ex, thats been about 30 hours in the last 6 days we have spent together. We went to the gym and went shopping, then she came back for dinner and we watched a movie. Feeling a bit low now because i wont see her properly till Friday, although its maybe a good thing, after all the time we have spent together it will give her time to think, i told her i didnt want to drop her off, and that i had fallen head over heels in love with her again after spending time with her this week which she laughed at, half of me thinks she is waiting till xmas to get back together, or take things further, half of me thinks that its not going to happen at all. We are having a great time together, but i cant push it all or i could push her away. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 i think it's a good idea that you both will have a little space in the upcoming week... this seems to be going great for you. Link to comment
matador1972 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 i think it's a good idea that you both will have a little space in the upcoming week... this seems to be going great for you. Well im sort of going with actions speaking louder than words, although she said last week she needs time and space we have spent a lot of time together. Im not going to contact her unless she is in contact with me this week, she's away for a night with her friend xmas shopping and girlie night out tonight, i feel pretty down this morning, knowing i wont see her till at least Wednesday. Link to comment
Superman87 Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 i feel pretty down this morning, knowing i wont see her till at least Wednesday. WHATTTT! Are you for real? You .. feel ... pretty ... down? You have just spent 30 hours or so with your ex over the last 6 days which all seems to have gone fantastically. I cant imagine how many people on this forum would give there right leg for that to happen to them right now. Get a grip man. The last thing you should be doing is feeling down. You should be overjoyed, excited and looking forward to the next meet. You should preparing whatever needs preparing, including your self. Getting a hair cut, getting some clothes etc etc. Wow.. some people, seriously! Link to comment
matador1972 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 WHATTTT! Are you for real? You .. feel ... pretty ... down? You have just spent 30 hours or so with your ex over the last 6 days which all seems to have gone fantastically. I cant imagine how many people on this forum would give there right leg for that to happen to them right now. Get a grip man. The last thing you should be doing is feeling down. You should be overjoyed, excited and looking forward to the next meet. You should preparing whatever needs preparing, including your self. Getting a hair cut, getting some clothes etc etc. Wow.. some people, seriously! Yeh, i do feel down because at the moment, it is just friendship and nothing else, she knows how i feel, but i still feel all this is to her, is friendship and nothing more. I feel down because ive allowed myself to get back involved with her for nothing more than friendship and im setting myself up for a massive fall. Link to comment
Superman87 Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 If your ex could read what you are writing on here what would she think? I bet she wouldnt recognise you from the man she has just spent some great days with, would she? Yes, you might be setting yourself up for one big massive fall. Yes, you have put all your eggs into one basket. But you still have no reason to feel negative YET. Why cant you be positive about the situation? You seem to feel depressed about the negatives, well outweigh them with one of the many positives. If any of this negativity, depression, wimpy and needy attitude is portrayed to your ex then I think you will have something to feel sad about. At the moment? Enjoy the situation you are. I would say you are on the path to reconcilliation but it is a long and windy path. It doesnt happen over night. It can take months. Grow some balls and have some patience. If this woman is really worth it, you will allow the relationship time to develop once again. Link to comment
matador1972 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 Good advice, cheers Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 WHATTTT! Are you for real? You .. feel ... pretty ... down? You have just spent 30 hours or so with your ex over the last 6 days which all seems to have gone fantastically. I cant imagine how many people on this forum would give there right leg for that to happen to them right now. Get a grip man. Too funny. I was thinking more or less the same thing. He needs to count his blessings. Link to comment
matador1972 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 Too funny. I was thinking more or less the same thing. He needs to count his blessings. Yeh, you are right, just need to calm down a bit and let it ride out. Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I have to second this Matador...From what you say things seem to be going really well. I know it's easy to worry that something bad will happen but for now really try to enjoy what is happening and try not to worry...that worry and negativity will come through somehow and that's what will scare her away. You need to be as happya nd confident as you can. Try reminding yourself that she wants to see you...she wants to talk to you that's what you need to focus on! I'm in a similar situation and I've noticed that when I start to focus on the negative I get really inquizitive...it could be worse but I know it's not 100% cool either. I get worried or nervous and I start asking him 20 questions...what did he do last night?...with who?....how was it? I don't even really realize I'm doing it...but afterwards I think "What was I thinking? I didn't really need to know any of that" and I've taken a step back..so it is hard and no one is perfect but I think you'll feel better if you can focus on the positive a little more. Link to comment
matador1972 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 Thanks, I am trying, she is away tonight, I texted her earlier asking how her days shopping was going but she never responded back, my daughter was talking to her on the phone when i got home though so i know she would have got it, its just made me think she's realised she shouldnt have been socialising with me knowing how i feel about her. Bah, why did i text her? Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 Thanks, I am trying, she is away tonight, I texted her earlier asking how her days shopping was going but she never responded back, my daughter was talking to her on the phone when i got home though so i know she would have got it, its just made me think she's realised she shouldnt have been socialising with me knowing how i feel about her. Bah, why did i text her? Don't beat yourself up! She's shopping...it's Christmas time and she's shopping which means she is really busy....she was talking to your daughter? I don't think that means she's upset. If she really felt weird about spending time with you she wouldn't be calling your immediate family. Try to chill...think about wanting her to enjoy her shopping...think about wishing her luck with the shopping and lots of fun with her friends. And if you can don't text her again...let her come to you. If you have plans for Friday I think she will contact you well before then. I know this won't work for you b/c guys don't wear necklaces but I think a positive thought about my ex every time I notice my necklace chain latch has made it's way to the front near the charm and I need to move it back...this reminds me to think something positive several times a day...sometimes it's as simple as "I hope he had a good lunch" think of something you do several times a day and make a point to think something nice and positive like "I hope she's having a great time shopping" every time you do it. For me it's uplifting and a little good karma can't hurt, right? Link to comment
matador1972 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 I know, its stupid trying to read anything into it, she's just seemed a little cold since last night, Ill just wait and see when i hear back from her, im not actually in any hurry to sort it out, if she wants space and time then thats fine, she still has 3 months of her lease left, so she may as well take that time to make sure she knows what she wants, i probably should have and will now try to act more aloof, she knows how i feel anyway. Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I know, its stupid trying to read anything into it, she's just seemed a little cold since last night, Ill just wait and see when i hear back from her, im not actually in any hurry to sort it out, if she wants space and time then thats fine, she still has 3 months of her lease left, so she may as well take that time to make sure she knows what she wants, i probably should have and will now try to act more aloof, she knows how i feel anyway. Actually this is oddly very normal...if anything about this situation can be normal. To me it seems every time I think I've had a wonderful evening or a great talk with my ex that the next day seems kinda like a let down when in reality it's just a normal day.....I think the lesson here is not to let yourself get to high on the highs so that the normal valleys don't feel like horrible pits of despair. Link to comment
matador1972 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 Actually this is oddly very normal...if anything about this situation can be normal. To me it seems every time I think I've had a wonderful evening or a great talk with my ex that the next day seems kinda like a let down when in reality it's just a normal day.....I think the lesson here is not to let yourself get to high on the highs so that the normal valleys don't feel like horrible pits of despair. Yeah, perhaps, ive chilled tonight, i would have liked her to text me back, but she hasnt, ill wait for her to contact me again, perhaps she wanted a girly night free of anything. Ill keep the thread updated anyway and keep you all informed. Link to comment
matador1972 Posted December 15, 2009 Author Share Posted December 15, 2009 She texted back this morning back to being friendly again, so we are going out for dinner on Friday night now. So what have i learned from this, i learned she never slept yesterday, woke up at 2am (she works nights), so was tired, after a good sleep she seems to be positive again (getting xx on the end of all her texts), i need to chill out and go with the flow without pushing it, its a marathon, not a sprint. Link to comment
happypeople Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Hi Matador. It may be tricky for you due to the kids, but what about doing something fun together with her? Dinner is ok, but it's close up to a romantic and predictable setting. I think it would be attractive to her, to actually see something is changed and that you actually could have a lot of fun together (without thinking about the relationship). What about dancing or cooking classes, camping, wine tasting, ice skating, ice cream judging or whatever. You should try to find a common passion! This is so overlooked, but oh-so-obvious thing. ONE common passion is more than enough to start with, considering most couples shares a total of zero passions. Another thing: Are you acting needy and insecure to her? Think about it... If you do, stop! Trying to convince her with words will only push her further away, show her the man you are instead. Be a leader with confidence. The prize that is so funny to be around. Don't be a clingy puppy (I'm not saying you are, but my experience is: This is important) Lean back and be cool. Push and pull. Give her time and space to miss you a bit - and when you are both ready, do something FUN! Quality time over quantity! Link to comment
matador1972 Posted December 15, 2009 Author Share Posted December 15, 2009 On Sunday, we are going through to a city, spending the day going around the town then going to see a comedy show at night before going dancing after, so lots of fun stuff planned for Sunday! I hear you about the other stuff and thats exactly what im doing, im not bringing up anything about getting back together, just laughing, joking and having a great time when we are together. We have also started going back to our keep fit classes together, so we do have shared interests. Link to comment
happypeople Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Thumbs up! Good luck, mate! Keep us posted! Link to comment
Superman87 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 i need to chill out and go with the flow without pushing it, its a marathon, not a sprint. Woo hoo! That is absolutely correct matador. Keep up the good work and let us know how Friday goes. Best wishes. Link to comment
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