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[In the Dark]

I know what thats like.

You can see whats coming and you don't like it.

But somehow you forget subconciously avoid it until it happens.

 

Ignoring the inevitable conclusion.

 

Well...I'm sure you know the process.

Just haveing to go through the prosess again sucks.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hey there sweetie - I'm sorry that you feel like this. I know it sucks, and I guess you've been dumped? I'm so sorry. It hurts like crazy, huh? Do you have someone who can be with you?

[NightLily]

I haven't been dumped. He is still trying. We went on a break little bit ago but it is sort of like his actions are just so extreme.. I can't even imagine talking to him again.

 

It blows my mind.

[NightLily]

I don't have somebody to be with me no.. but my parents are on my back to clean the house so I guess that counts.

[NightLily]

How is sending "I love you" to your ex.. not cheating? ... and everything um.. um.. um.. um.. um..

[NightLily]

feeling like hanging myself now.. uhg

[Ellie2006]

do you think there's anything anyone can do or say to help you feel better?

[NightLily]

I .. don't want to think about everything. He cheated on me. With his ex. he liked for months. Strung me along. Gave me so much false hope. ...

 

He keeps trying to get me back right now.. and giving me more false hope and it is killing me. and he says the i love you meant nothing. And all these lies still and he is trying to get me back and i hate it.

 

I just wanted one person in my life to treat me half decent. IO opened up and this is what I get?

 

I feel like a useless piece of trash.

[NightLily]

What is so wrong with me that people keep f-ing me over? man.. man,,, man

[Ellie2006]

needless to say, you're being WAY too harsh on yourself right now.

wouldnt you agree that if someone mistreats you, it's that other person who's in the wrong, not you?

 

anyways, can you do something more "active" right now, something that can help keep your mind off this? going for a walk? going to the gym? going out for coffee? talking to a friend?

 

i know i haven't really "talked" to you in the forums much, but i read your posts here and there, and you seem like a great person -- really artistic and intelligent. i just wish you wont be so down on yourself.

[NightLily]

he keeps begging and I keep saying no.. I have been sucked back into physically abusive relationships before... he isn't beating me or anything.. but I have been sucked up into the thousands of lies about 5 times. I am frightened...

 

I just go from one bad relationship to the next. Friends, family, guys... Alll I have is my dog.. and he could be dying

[Ellie2006]

so you do NOT want to try again, right?

if this is the case, it might be best to block him for now -- yes, do the NC bit for a while and see if that helps you.

 

you're a good person, no doubt about that. but now, you have to be smart about things. i am NOT saying you aren't smart but sometimes, good people can be *too* trusting.

 

It's terrible to have to tell you that you have to become a bit more vigilante about guarding your heart. I hate being cynical and pessimistic but unfortunately, I often find myself being exactly that... ugh. ultimately, though, i am all about giving people second chances and the benefit of the doubt and trusting in the good of others.

 

dont blame yourself because you trust people to be good.

 

and i am so sorry about your pup. what does the vet say?

[sophie274]

I just wanted to say, I'm so sorry SuzyQ. What an awful thing for you to find out. I'm sure it must be really hard to have him begging you to take him back - it's really hard to ignore the pleas of someone you love, even though you know they won't treat you right. I wholeheartedly agree with Ellie - this is NOT your fault. I hope you feel better and your dog gets better as well. Big hugs.

[NightLily]

Ellie- I am definitely too trusting. This is.. without a doubt.. one of my biggest faults (and strengths). You are completely right. I need to cut him off. I can't do this to myself. I feel horrible and being in any type of contact is making it infinitly worse. Especially hearing more lies. Or what at least I feel is more lies.

 

He had some lumps in his legs which they told me to just watch. And then some vomitting and intestinal problems.. and he is starting to have real difficult with steps and things I will just hope for the best there. I know it is "just" a dog, but I need to just have some breaks on the trauma for now.

 

And thank you sophie.. it is really hard. I want to make it all go away. I wish.. I could. But I can't. And .. I feel completely helpless. I gave everything. I wanted to make it work so bad... and there is just.. nothing I can do at this point. ..

[NightLily]

He tells me I'm the one for him.. but if that were the case.. why would he tell his ex .. "i love you" and call her his kitten? ... why? ...

 

ermph.. I don't know.

[Ellie2006]

one's beloved pet can never be "just a dog." i know how heartbreaking it can be to see your pet suffer. BUT if the vet said to be on the watch for changes, then maybe there is hope that your dog's health will improve?

 

as for the situation with your guy ... he definitely made some poor choices -- regardless of his intentions, he hurt you and for that, he should be ashamed.

 

It sounds like he's apologized for his mistakes. This, obviously, does NOT let him off the hook for the mistakes he's made. BUT maybe you can take him for his word that he is sorry and that he is remorseful.

 

THEN, if you can accept that he is sorry, ask him to respect your decision to give it some time to think things through? In the meantime, maybe you can decide what you want to do next.

 

one thing at a time, Suzy. your head must be whirling with a million thoughts right now but take one thing at a time. you're strong enough. you're wise enough.

[NightLily]

Ellie.. you sound so wise..

 

yes my head is just spinning. I feel disoriented. Confused. Hurt. Trying to be positive and then suddenly not being at all. Trying to eat because this issue has already caused me to lose a noticeable amount of weight.. probably too rapidly.

 

One thing at a time I think is about the best advice that could be given right now. I tend to get ahead of myself and then just buckle under the weight of things. But right now I have some soup.. and I'll just focus on getting that down and making it through this one night.

 

Oh and btw, I used to go by Elly as a pen name my middle name is Elizabeth.

[iceti]

Hi Suzy, please stay strong.

 

Are you a member of 24 hour fitness or any gym?

I believe it will help you feel better if you run or lift weights while listening to loud, upbeat music (lady gaga, kaskade, pcd, etc.)

 

It works for me whenever I feel blue.

 

I know your negative feelings won't easily go away, but for one hour at the gym it will. It will help you fall asleep too since you're tired, and hopefully will wake up with a clearer mind.

 

Again, stay strong.

[NightLily]

I am not a member of the gym yet.. and there is no 24 hour one here.. I would love to run .. but alas, my foot is broken. Chick can't catch a break..

 

He just.. sent me a picture of his kissing me...

 

ermph. my heart.

[In the Dark]

Thats because he feels severe guilt.

 

Little does he know showing you pictures of what used to be is destroys you each time.

 

**** happened.

 

The past can not be erased and is still very fresh in your mind.

 

Do you want to move on?

Do yo uthink the way you think about him is beyond forgiving and going back to?

What do you think?

 

I know love can make us forgive for some riddiculous things.

Beyond all logic.

Only to smash us again.

[NightLily]

I have been really burned... smashed.. 5 times this past month. And not only can my mind and emotions no longer handle it.. but my body can't either. I have been blacking out a lot.. passed out a few times... from the anxiety. And from forgeting to eat or drink anything. And I am hoping to lose a little weight.. but not this fast.

 

So, I need to just slow down. Calm my mind. Collect myself.. and maintain my engagements.

 

I don't know what the future brings. Right now.. I don't care to know. I just want to be in this one moment.

 

And be happy I feel sad.. because that means I can still get attatched.

[Ellie2006]

Suzy, I'm not really ... but thanks for the compliment

I just made lots of mistakes is all ... and had to learn things the hard way. But I guess the silver lining is that the lesson *was* learned!

 

Anyways, I'm heading on out. I know you have lots of friends on here but if you ever need a sympathetic ear, please pm me, whenever.

 

Take care of yourself and I'll be sending positive energy and happy thoughts your way.

[Ellie2006]

Oops, sorry before i head on out .... that sounds scary about blacking out.

maybe you can set the alarm on your cell phone or clock to remind you to eat?

and sleep tonight, ok? even if you cant sleep, at least, lie down, close your eyes, and try to calm your mind.

[iceti]

Hi Suzy, still listen to upbeat music at home, and if you can try to do push-ups and sit-ups.

 

I know exercise releases endorphins which makes you feel better.

 

It will ultimately be your decision to take him back or not, and right now I choose to refrain from giving advice on that.

 

But, I will tell you to keep healthy. Eat right and exercise.

[NightLily]

I am a little weak today because I have sort of been on the don't drink/one meal a day plan. But I do agree.. exercise will do me some good. Probably stimulate my appetite in the least. So my goal for tomorrow is to go get the gym membership so I can work out without hurting my foot more.

 

I like to watch family guy online sometimes when I am sad. Perhaps I will watch an episode and just try to.. relax. .. go to sleep.