Ashley1640 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 If you've kept up with my posts about my grandmother and my family, I really thank you. It's a bit'o'drama and sometimes pretty annoying to hear, I'm sure. So.. I'm sorry.. but thankyou! Tonight though? I just keep bawling my eyes out. I'm not totally 100% sure why. I go from crying so hard I can't breathe to how I am right now, completely numb. I'm so tired, but so wired I can't sleep. I just want to help my gmaw. I really believe she's sick. And the fact that everyone thinks that 'one drink' I caught her drinking isn't a big deal, really bothers me. She's on alllllllllll types of prescriptive meds(she was taking nerve/sleeping pill that was prescribed but was taken off of tonight), yet it's apparently OK for her to have that 'one drink'? We don't even know if it's been ONE drink. I doubt very seriously it has just been one drink, as she has been a hypochrondriac for the past two years and will drink a big bottle of NyQuil in two days or say "ow" to get vicodin(NyQuil and vicodin have not been given to her in over 6months though, we finally caught on). How is this all justified? My dad and husband say she's 82, let her live her own life. But to me she's destroying it and killing herself. If she has dementia she probably isn't even aware that drinking=bad. If she does have dementia her mental state is... well, not good. I don't know. my word choices are bad, i'm sorry. My mom just flat out doesn't know what to do, but wants to keep my gmaw's drinking to herself.. not tell brothers or even my dad. Why would you hide this? I guess I'm *so* upset about this because no one is fighting to save/help her. She's obviously sick in some type of way, and no one is fighting for her.. everyone is allowing it. Think about if you were old, what would you want your fam to do? Forget about you and just let you sleep for 3 weeks? I would want help. I'd want someone to fight for me. Fight for my happiness, my sanity, my life. I wouldn't want people who I adored and loved the most to just throw in the towel when things started getting rough. What kind of family is that? Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I'm sorry that you're feeling this way right now hun, but I think that your family just wants her to do the things that she enjoys because they feel that she is at that age where she has lived her life. I understand how you may feel that drinking may actually be hurting her, but I also understand where your family is coming from. If she has been drinking for some time, to expect her to just stop right now may actually be harmful. It's hard to just stop cold turkey especially if your body has already adjusted to it. I know you care about her, and I'm sure everyone knows it as well. Just remind yourself that even though you may not approve of what she is doing, this is actually what she wants to do. It really is a tough situation, I know. Please try to hang in there. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Sometimes you have to let people be. Sometimes there is nothing yo can do. Sometimes the people you love will just not open up to you. Only thing you can do is talk to her like you do everyday. Show your concern in her as she is an old biddy. But never pressure her and wave the finger for what she maybe doing. It may only make her feel worse the lead on to more. It's up to all of who are close to you gmaw whether she has lost it or not. Maybe at the moment getting wasted is her thing but it's not definite that she does. Best thing you can do is just be there and pretty much say hows it. Listen to her ramblings if she is the time....zone out of you have to and just nod.... This is coming from someone who had a schizophrenic G'maw who would relate the sea to oranges. Just be there and listen. Eventually she may say something which validates your suspicions. Link to comment
gsxr104 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 You have a good, sound head on your shoulders. I would say do what you think is right and do what you think you need to do. If you don't, you will regret it the rest of your life, and let me tell you ... if you're like me, it will eat you alive. She is a bit elderly but that shouldn't be a reason to just let her go. I think that would be unjust and neglectful. You just keep on being Ashley and your life will go just the way it should go. Link to comment
Angelstar30 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Here's the problem I see coming - you are going to drive yourself absolutely crazy if you try to take this all on by yourself. Trust me, I know it's all very overwhelming - and it really just gets worse. If I were you, I would take a little time this weekend, go hang out with your husband and baby, and have some fun. I know it will be hard. But try - for sanity sake. You say she has an MRI scheduled on Monday. Take her to that, and talk to the doctor about everything while you're there. Ask him what you should do. Or look at the link I sent you through PM, call them, explain what your family is going through, and see what they have to say your options are. Link to comment
Ashley1640 Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 Thanks guys. I asked the nurse for a hotline I could call that dealt with dementia/alzheimers and she got me a social services number. To be honest though, I haven't been an angel when it comes to my grandma. Granted I would be nice to her and try to talk to her.. but we live separate lives in the same house and it's obvious. If there were cameras in the house you'd see different families. We actually dont' talk, but then again my grandma doesn't talk to anyone. For the past 3 weeks she's been asleep, so obviously I haven't talked to her. Or tried. Today I took her to get blood work done. It snowed =) something it never does here. She was really nice today. Quiet as usual, but polite to me which is something that doesn't happen often. I made her breakfast and she's sitting in the living room with me drinking her decaf coffee I made her. I figure what I can do is ignore the liquour. I might put a sign up in the liquour cabinet that says, "We know you're drinking. Please be responsible." But I figure I can get her up every morning, make her breakfast, lunch, etc.. Do things together with the baby, go to the library .. etc. I'd REALLY just like to find some sort of events in the Houston area that are FOR the elderly. Because let's face it.... If you were 82, you'd want 'friends' around your age, right? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 You know, she may not want that great fight anymore. She's up there in age and while we think they should do absolutely everything to save them, they are probably at that age and mindset that they don't want to be saved anymore. Link to comment
Ashley1640 Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 And I understand that completely. But is it morally, legally.. right? To close your eyes to the truth of what's happening? It must be such a big deal to my mom to not want to tell my dad or my uncles... Link to comment
metrogirl Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 And I understand that completely. But is it morally, legally.. right? To close your eyes to the truth of what's happening? It must be such a big deal to my mom to not want to tell my dad or my uncles... Legally, I don't know.....Morally, I guess it depends on what she wants. I'm really sorry you are hurting......I know this must be extremely hard for you. Link to comment
Ashley1640 Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 No, I'm saying morally and legally right for ME? My gut feeling is obvious.. I don't want to sit back and do nothing. But my family think otherwise. Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 And I understand that completely. But is it morally, legally.. right? To close your eyes to the truth of what's happening? It must be such a big deal to my mom to not want to tell my dad or my uncles... WEll- it is HER life, not yours. Only she can decide if she wants to put up the fight. You can't make her WANT to prolong her life. You're very young, with a newborn child. At your age/stage there is a LOT to fight for, so you have that instinct, and it's very strong. A lot of people reach their 80's and feel they've 'lived' their lives and are truly at peace and ready to die. My Grandma spent the last 20 years of her life 'waiting' to die. It was upsetting to me too- IMO she had a LOT to live for, but she missed her husband, and was ready. Oh sure, she enjoyed the company of her children/grandchildren, but I think in truth, we were merely distractions from her daily reflection on her life...and bitterness and jealousy set in. If she has dimentia, this may help. Just consider THIS MOMENT. When you are with her, ask yourself if she is injoying THIS MOMENT only- don't worry about how she'll feel later or tomorrow. If you can help make this moment a little more enjoyable for her, then you've done a good thing, and the rest is up to her... Hang in there. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Poor Grandma, she's living in a house full of people but really alone. I hope if I ever get into that situation I at least have an open liquor cabinet...seriously! My grandmother started drinking when she got into that shape too, Ashley. Yeah, it was sad, but it was her choice. She drank to ease her suffering, and I understood why. Link to comment
Ashley1640 Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 I guess I could accept that if that's what I knew was going on. I suppse we will find out soon whether she has dementia or not. If she does have it, she for sure isn't in the right mental state and more than likely she doesn't know right from wrong. And id she doesn't have dementia.. I guess then I can settle that she knows what she's doing to herself. I was going to say something else but I just noticed her using a Swiffer Mop on the carpet. She said she was testing it out. lol. I gotta go Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Swiffing the carpet? OK, sounds good to me. Link to comment
Ashley1640 Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 lol. Yeah. She does some extremely ODD stuff. So completely out of this world, odd, that all you can do is laugh to yourself about it in utter amazement. Today does seem like a better day to her though. At least she ate the breakfast I made her. Link to comment
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