Does he like me or not??

[wendy torrance]

So here's an "update" on this dumb situation...

 

I texted this guy yesterday because I had a dream that we were dating, and he cheated on me with my friend Mike! I found it highly amusing, so I let him know, sure he'd laugh about it too. And I told Monica, and she told Mike, and we all cracked up. But Chris got weirded out by it, which was why he never replied. I can't believe a DREAM would weird him out that much. He's not exactly a conservative, uptight person. So now I'm totally done with this guy - if he can't see the humor in a dream like that, screw him. Haha. I think it's kind of funny that he was bothered by it.

[annie24]

yeah, i wouldn't have told him the dream. besides, some guys are really sensitive about homosexual implications. but whatever. what's done is done.

[wendy torrance]

Yep, nothing I can do now. But it's not as though I told him he was acting like a homosexual, or looked like one, talked like one, whatever. I have absolutely no problem with anyone's sexual orientation and would never say anything like that to anybody, no matter how well I know them. This was a DREAM - I can't control my dreams. And I was a little disturbed by it too. But I found it more humorous than anything else.

 

Monica just told me that another friend of his - who I have never met - apparently texted him about an hour before I did and told him she also had a dream about him that turned out to be similar to mine. Not sure if hers was also homosexual, but it was an odd dream. So my text put him over the edge.

[Batya33]

I wouldn't have texted him something like that that could be so easily misinterpreted, misread, etc.

 

I agree with Sophie274 for whatever it's worth.

 

Sorry that this didn't work out. In the future I would focus far less on what friends say someone else says and just the simple "did he ask me out on a date" - if not, then assume he is not interested in dating you (especially since you showed so much interest).

[wendy torrance]

I wouldn't have texted him something like that that could be so easily misinterpreted, misread, etc.

 

I agree with Sophie274 for whatever it's worth.

 

Sorry that this didn't work out. In the future I would focus far less on what friends say someone else says and just the simple "did he ask me out on a date" - if not, then assume he is not interested in dating you (especially since you showed so much interest).

 

I didn't think I was showing so much interest. I hung back a lot because I was uncertain about his intentions from the beginning. Are you saying that because we frequently wound up at the same places?

 

I'm the kind of person who would find it funny if one of my friends told me something like that, and I don't get that kind of oversensitivity. But whatever. I have Asperger's syndrome, so there's a lot of stuff like that I don't "get".

 

Point is, the people I want to spend time with are not going to be offended so easily, or misread a text to the point that they would stop speaking to me. So in a sense I am glad this happened, because it made me realize we are not as compatible as I initially thought.

[annie24]

ok, so dream aside, yeah, i think it was odd that he was telling your friends he is so interested, but not asking you out on the date. like batya said, that should be the baseline, right?

 

anyways, onto better guys!

[sophie274]

I didn't think I was showing so much interest. I hung back a lot because I was uncertain about his intentions from the beginning. Are you saying that because we frequently wound up at the same places?

 

I'm the kind of person who would find it funny if one of my friends told me something like that, and I don't get that kind of oversensitivity. But whatever. I have Asperger's syndrome, so there's a lot of stuff like that I don't "get".

 

Point is, the people I want to spend time with are not going to be offended so easily, or misread a text to the point that they would stop speaking to me. So in a sense I am glad this happened, because it made me realize we are not as compatible as I initially thought.

 

I think you did show a lot of interest - you kissed several times, made sure he had your number, called/texted. I don't think you showed TOO much interest, necessarily, but certainly enough that he didn't have to agonize over whether you liked him or not. Sometimes men don't ask women out because they don't think she is interested, or aren't sure, and I think what Batya and Ms.Darcy and I are saying is that that clearly wasn't a factor here.

 

I don't think the text really made a difference ... he didn't seem like he was planning on asking you out before he got it, and if anything it sounds like he is using it more as an excuse than anything else. Honestly I'm sure this man liked you just fine, but maybe he was already interested in someone else, or wanted more of an "FWB" situation than an actual relationship.

 

Better luck next time I hope! It's just as well you got some kind of answer now, so you can forget about him.

[sophie274]

ok, so dream aside, yeah, i think it was odd that he was telling your friends he is so interested, but not asking you out on the date. like batya said, that should be the baseline, right?

 

anyways, onto better guys!

 

Yeah, I wonder if he felt awkward saying something else, or was maybe already interested in someone else, so that he liked the OP but was sold on the idea of dating another woman.

 

Also what Ms.Darcy said, maybe the friends acting as go-betweens got very excited about the situation and exaggerated interest on both ends. I know my sister has done that to me with guys - telling them "Oh Sophie likes you SO much" when I've said nothing of the sort.

[wendy torrance]

Thanks sophie! Yeah, I had my panties in a bunch yesterday when I started posting stuff and now I'm over it. I feel a tad stupid for thinking he'd wind up asking me out at some point. But oh well, live and learn!

[wendy torrance]

Yeah, I wonder if he felt awkward saying something else, or was maybe already interested in someone else, so that he liked the OP but was sold on the idea of dating another woman.

 

Also what Ms.Darcy said, maybe the friends acting as go-betweens got very excited about the situation and exaggerated interest on both ends. I know my sister has done that to me with guys - telling them "Oh Sophie likes you SO much" when I've said nothing of the sort.

 

Why do people do that? Kind of weird. Hmmm. I'll remember that!

[Batya33]

I didn't think I was showing so much interest. I hung back a lot because I was uncertain about his intentions from the beginning. Are you saying that because we frequently wound up at the same places?

 

I'm the kind of person who would find it funny if one of my friends told me something like that, and I don't get that kind of oversensitivity. But whatever. I have Asperger's syndrome, so there's a lot of stuff like that I don't "get".

 

Point is, the people I want to spend time with are not going to be offended so easily, or misread a text to the point that they would stop speaking to me. So in a sense I am glad this happened, because it made me realize we are not as compatible as I initially thought.

 

 

I don't find it oversensitive - you sent a text which is just words with no tone, inflection, expression, to someone you don't know well that suggested he might be homosexual. I think many people would be at least concerned about a text like that.

[wendy torrance]

I don't find it oversensitive - you sent a text which is just words with no tone, inflection, expression, to someone you don't know well that suggested he might be homosexual. I think many people would be at least concerned about a text like that.

 

This is what I texted him:

 

"So I had a dream we were dating, and you cheated on me with Mike! Nice, huh? Eeeek!

 

And I wasn't suggesting he was homosexual. This was only a dream! I must really be an a** if I still can't see why someone would take that completely the wrong way, especially since when I sent it I was pretty confident that he would think it was funny. He is a total goofball, loud, and prides himself on the fact that he says whatever is on his mind. And he seems quite comfortable with his sexuality. I NEVER would have sent it to him had I had the slightest fear that it could backfire. This group of friends is very unconventional. I was sure it was harmless.

 

I'm not trying to sound like a jerk, but I can't get over the fact that he was so upset by a dream. It's not like I said, "Chris, you look like a f**."

 

And for the record, Mike and Monica are baffled as to why it bothered him. Mike found it funny and wasn't the least bit offended.

 

I'm beginning to think he is just using the text as an excuse not to talk to me anymore. Whatever.

[Batya33]

Because it was done in a text format to someone you don't know well and it's also very forward since he hasn't asked you out but he knows you are interested.

I agree that he wasn't interested in dating you before this text arrived - I am just commenting that in my view he did not overreact and he is not overly sensitive.

[wendy torrance]

Ok. Well, thanks for your input. I think I'm going to stick a fork in this thread.