Betty79 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I met this guy back in may this yr we dated for 3 months but during that time he got quite distant so I asked where we were going and he said he wasn't ready for a relationship as hadn't been out of a long term relationship for that long. We split up I said that I couldn't carry on seeing him unless we were exclusive. We met for a drink about a month later and had a nice time, he said it would be good to do something again but when asked said he still wasn't ready for anything serious so we left it. 6 weeks go by and he starts getting in touch again. Just little texts now and again. We met up for another drink and he kissed me quite a few times. It was really nice. I didn't bring up relationships etc this time as felt we had talked about it enough. After that he went away on holidays for 3 weeks so I didn't hear from him. He has recently got back and I would really like to talk to him, see how it all went. I think I could handle seeing him casually now but should I be the one to initiate contact or is it best to leave things alone and wait and see if he gets in touch again? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 should I be the one to initiate contact or is it best to leave things alone and wait and see if he gets in touch again? I would wait for him to make contact. He more or less made it clear that he's not ready for a relationship and you should take his word for it. It seems to me that he's ok with seeing you every once in a while as a friend, but nothing more serious (not at this time, anyway). It's up to you if can handle this, because if you want more than just friendship, it will be very difficult for you. Choice is yours. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I wouldn't bother since he didn't bother to contact you the whole 3 weeks he was gone, and also has told you he doesn't want a relationship. I would focus more on someone who gives you more than that. Link to comment
Betty79 Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 But is that how relationships start out as a casual thing first. I mean he's never going to contact me and say he wants to make a commitment to me without seeing me again for a bit first is he and why did he keep kissing me last time. I met up just thinking it would be just as friends and totally didn't expect that but he obviously wants more than just friends? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Yes, relationships start out as casual first, but this guy seems to be carrying some baggage around (long term relationship break up) and was upfront about not being ready for anything more right now. Like I said before, take his word for it. Are you ready for a "hot and cold" relationship? He needs to get over his ex and until then, you'll never be fully in the picture (imo). Link to comment
BriarRose Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 But is that how relationships start out as a casual thing first. I mean he's never going to contact me and say he wants to make a commitment to me without seeing me again for a bit first is he and why did he keep kissing me last time. I met up just thinking it would be just as friends and totally didn't expect that but he obviously wants more than just friends? .. Yes, many relationships start as casual friendships. But IMO, this guy not calling for 3 whole weeks and more than once telling you he's not looking for something is going to hurt you. I think you want more than that. You deserve more than that. Link to comment
notsogood Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 You are his play thing. He likes to keep you around as an "option" but you will never be the "one". Sorry but it's the truth. "I don't want a relationship right now" = "I don't want one with you but stick around". 99.9% of the time. Unless he just broke up with a long term gf 3 weeks before meeting you this is the truth. Even then he wouldn't have started anything with you especially for that long before saying this. Link to comment
Betty79 Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 Yes maybe you are right...i know that whilst i was seeing him over the summer, he met up with his ex once or twice. He swore they were just friends and they agreed when they split up that they would try and remain friends but im not so sure...I just always had a feeling things were never quite resolved with them so maybe thats it. They used to live together but obviously moved out when they split up but I know since the split she went to some family events with him just cos he said she got on really well with them!? Arrgghh...its just so difficult to get rid of him and get him out of my head. The longest we have been without talking is 6 weeks and after this time I was fine and had almost forgotten about him and then it was as if he knew and popped up again and started texting but even then he would only give me crumbs really, doesn't ask many questions and just made statements about things more than anything else. How do I get out of this cycle? Its really hard to just ignore him completely if he does contact cos I do still kinda like him. Link to comment
lucasky Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I wouldn't bother since he didn't bother to contact you the whole 3 weeks he was gone, and also has told you he doesn't want a relationship. I would focus more on someone who gives you more than that. Yeah... if he was interested, and I mean really interested, he would have contacted you in some way while you were away. If I meet someone spectacular then go away for a while - I'm going to make sure we stay in touch - I want to stay on their minds so that they don't forget about me while I'm away! Link to comment
BriarRose Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Maybe you are upset about the guy from Saturday and it has you feeling a bit vulnerable right now and giving this other guy more space in your head than he would otherwise have right now? Link to comment
Betty79 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 Yes MissKitty or the other way around, think I thought too much about the sat night guy as I am feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment after this guy in the summer and then other guys who you never hear from again. Anyway he text me last night and told me about his hols and said he would have to show me a dvd of his time. He mentioned it a couple of times...what do u think? I simply said yes that would be nice and have left it up to him to come up with something more definate. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Yes MissKitty or the other way around, think I thought too much about the sat night guy as I am feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment after this guy in the summer and then other guys who you never hear from again. .. yes, that does happen...it's hard and can make you feel very fragile, emotionally...and it is then that we don't make the best choices. Anyway he text me last night and told me about his hols and said he would have to show me a dvd of his time. He mentioned it a couple of times...what do u think? I simply said yes that would be nice and have left it up to him to come up with something more definate. ...Just tread carefully and try not to read too much into anything he says since he has been so hot and cold with you. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I wouldn't keep him around. He made it clear that he's not interested in a relationship with you, just someone to keep in the back burner. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I wouldn't keep him around. He made it clear that he's not interested in a relationship with you, just someone to keep in the back burner. .. I agree - I just feel that as long as she insists on keeping in contact, that she should tread carefully. Betty, I think this will hurt you (keeping in contact with him/seeing him). I wish you would reconsider. Link to comment
Betty79 Posted November 27, 2009 Author Share Posted November 27, 2009 Hi Kitty, Im just not sure what to do...i have told him so many times in the past what I want. The last time he said he wasn't ready, I told him to take time and space if thats what he wanted and come back if / when he wanted the same thing as me and if I was still available I would think about it. So he has started texting again, but he has not made a definate date to see me to show me the holiday stuff. I have not heard again yet, although he was the last one to text and I did not reply (it didn't need a reply). Anyway, my question is how do I do this...it seems just as Im starting to feel better he will get in contact again. There is no point in me telling him not to as like I say I have tried that before and he doesn't listen. So what do I do...just ignore his texts? I would find it hard to do that whoever the person was not just him. Maybe I am too nice!! but I dont want to be hurt again. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 .. I just think he keeps showing patterns of disappearing and that will only hurt you. If he was calling a lot and wanting to make definitive plans to see you, that would be different. I know you don't wish to ignore him, as you've said. Then I guess all you can do is keep things light and friendly - but keep in mind everything he has said to you and I really wouldn't expect him to change. Link to comment
Betty79 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 so i text him yesterday afternoon and said when would you like to show me this dvd then...have to see it to believe it! He has not replied, some 24 hours later...I have a feeling he was going away this wknd but that doesn't matter, if i was away and had a text from someone i liked i would reply. So I guess I am being used as his plaything, he doesn't mind texting me when he feels like it but if I try to initiate anything then I just get blanked. Ugghh, I need to get this guy out of my life The thing is I know in a couple of days when he is home, he will probably reply as if nothing has happened. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 so i text him yesterday afternoon and said when would you like to show me this dvd then...have to see it to believe it! He has not replied, some 24 hours later...I have a feeling he was going away this wknd but that doesn't matter, if i was away and had a text from someone i liked i would reply. So I guess I am being used as his plaything, he doesn't mind texting me when he feels like it but if I try to initiate anything then I just get blanked. Ugghh, I need to get this guy out of my life ... It is very hurtful to have someone you care for not respond. See how this is already hurting you?? I agree w/you that when he gets home, he will act like nothing happened. Erase this guy from your life, he is no good for you, and you sound very kind. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 You need to delete this guy's number from your phone. It's hurting you to see he doesn't care about you the same way you care for him. Link to comment
Betty79 Posted November 29, 2009 Author Share Posted November 29, 2009 Yes I have deleted his number from my phone but i know sooner or later he will contact me again so whether i delete his number or not is irrelevant really Link to comment
BriarRose Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Yes I have deleted his number from my phone but i know sooner or later he will contact me again so whether i delete his number or not is irrelevant really .. I think he will contact you again, too, as is his pattern. I would not respond. I think it is wrong of him the way he yanks your chain like that, popping up then disappearing, then popping up again....it's not right. I'm sure he knows how you feel about him, at least to some extent. Link to comment
Betty79 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Share Posted November 30, 2009 So he replied yesterday morning, he sent quite a nice text and asked a couple of questions and apologised for not replying sooner but said he had been back home (overseas) for the wknd which I know was true. I left it a few hours before responding as didn't want to look as though I was sat there waiting to hear from him. I again confirmed I would like to see him as he asked and made some friendly chit chat but didn't ask any questions and again that is it and he hasn't responded. What is it with him. I just wish he wouldn't bother at all if this is how its going to be. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 If you see him again, you're crazy. Link to comment
Betty79 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Share Posted November 30, 2009 I know thanks for all your advice kitty. It is hard as he wasn't always like this and I did really like him but yes I think enough is enough now and its prob time to let him go. I don't want to be thinking about this all over the christmas period. I want to be able to relax and enjoy myself. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 I know thanks for all your advice kitty. It is hard as he wasn't always like this and I did really like him but yes I think enough is enough now and its prob time to let him go. I don't want to be thinking about this all over the christmas period. I want to be able to relax and enjoy myself. .. It's just that you really like him and he keeps pulling your chain. I just think he would hurt you. Link to comment
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