SapphireNoir10 Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 As you all know the boyfriend basically sort of broke up with me because he felt he didnt make me unhappy, out of seemingly nowhere on his end. At first I was hurt, angry...I still am, it hurts like heck and I miss some parts of him. But he was right. He did make me unhappy. I was unhappy being only a weekend girlfriend forgotted, ignored, dissapeared on in the week. I was unhappy that he kept lying. It hadnt been the same since the first lie I caught him in. I am basically....free I am free from having to worry -Is he going to disappear? -Is he lying? -Is he cheating? -Is he ok? -Is he going to dump me I'm free from it all. Im free from having to push him to do anything in his life, free from motivating him and giving up my self worth and self respect to constantly forgive him and let go what happened for his sake. I did wrong. I was harsh and critical. Yes. But the truth is he never told me that, he said I was 'perfect' and if I ever said sorry for being nasty or harsh I was told 'Dont change you thats what I love' so I never knew what needed to be fixed. I realise now. It couldnt, this was a guy who knew two of my family members were critically ill and never once asked after them, who never bought my family a birthday card/christmas card even though they took him out for meals/days out. A guy who ditched me and ignored my heartfelt worries for no reason. A guy that promised me an engagement ring and spent the money on himself. No matter what I did I deserved more than that. I truly hope he finds someone he can make happy and who clicks with him. I know I deserve someone who treats me right. I am sorry for all the times I hurt him or treated him wrongly. I really am. But I've learnt from that. So for any of you hurting...you deserve more, you will find more, you will be ok. Im not 100% Ok. But Im getting there. Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Good for you. You have a great mindset about it, and it will help you immensly to move on from this stronger than ever. Link to comment
Nidania Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 This is wonderful to hear you talk like this Blue. I've been quietly following your saga, and I am very glad your mind is in this current frame now. Keep it up. You deserve so very much more than this guy ever gave you. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 The way I see it if he truly thought he was making me unhappy he wouldnt have been talking about engagement rings two hours before he dissapeared. Its a cop out. But he was right, he doesnt make me happy and hasnt. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Aww Blue! I'm glad you realized that you can do better. You're on your way towards a brighter, happier future without your ex in it! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 I've just accepted things are the way they are. you can't change the past. And even if I could change how I acted, he still would have been a jerk to me. Link to comment
Clabs Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I've just accepted things are the way they are. you can't change the past. And even if I could change how I acted, he still would have been a jerk to me. Hey Blue I am so glad that you are getting yourself into a better place with all this stuff. You mention about the way you acted, and whilst it is fantastic if you can put your hand up and admit your faults in this, reading back through your threads, it seems it was his jerky and crappy treatment of you that caused you to act this way, so I really think you need to cut yourself some slack here. Try and keep strong hun - you KNOW you are doing the right thing here! Sending (((HUGS))) as always Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 I just know I was hard on him and If he is mentally unstable it probably didnt help. But I always apologised and he told me 'not to change how i am' But thats done and dusted. Actions speak much much louder than words. I feel bad for anything I did wrong. Which is good. it means I care. Link to comment
SighSob Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Hey Blue, it's great to hear you say those things. Just wanted to warn you that you will experience highs and lows and you probably will go back to missing him like hell and wondering what went wrong, why did he leave and so on... it's all part of the rollercoaster. enjoy the highs and don't be too bothered by the lows. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 Oh I go through lows, all the time! I could cry at the drop of a hat. BUT im starting to accept it for what it is/what and even if it is killing me inside, its for the best. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I just know I was hard on him and If he is mentally unstable it probably didnt help. But I always apologised and he told me 'not to change how i am' But thats done and dusted. Actions speak much much louder than words. I feel bad for anything I did wrong. Which is good. it means I care. Exactly what I said to you Blue. Damn I know about the highs and lows and how they can happen long after the relationship has ended. I am positive you aren't 100% over him. One thing which made me feel better was to know some people go that extra effort to say hey, I know what you're going through adn I would like to tell you I would sinbcerely rise up and out of the place you are in. To me even the smallest things can make me feel better. ENA'ers have done so for me in thier own way. So here. ] Link to comment
atlanticstar Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I've just accepted things are the way they are. you can't change the past. And even if I could change how I acted, he still would have been a jerk to me. Good stuff. Thats the stake put into the ground. Fundamental to all healing is the acceptance. Whats done is done. There is a long way to go and maybe it'll be a tad more emotional for you as xmas is approaching. From the picture you've painted, he doesn't sound like a particularly good catch. As for only finding time for you at the weekend, that isn't good at all. Still as you've mentioned earlier, not having to worry about them is a real bonus I find. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Share Posted November 30, 2009 Im ok I found out he may be ignoring his whole family etc etc, but hes apparently alive and well (his mum contacted me to let me know..er thanks) So hes happy, ignoring those who love him, worrying his mum. 95% of what he ever told me was a lie, so what I loved about him was a lie...so there is nothing left to love, I can only mourn who I believed him to be. Im in a good place. Link to comment
Clabs Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Hey Blue Just checking in with you, hun. Who know's what he is thinking or doing, but I doubt he is very happy. You KNOW He is a very troubled individual, with little or no respect for anyone else - not even his family - and that really should cement in your mind that you are walking along the right path. I am so glad things are feeling a bit better for you - go girlie! Link to comment
In the Dark Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 It appears he's playing the victim..... Funny how some people do that when they are the ones hurting everyone else. Anyway I guess the title of your thread rings true for you. You have realized. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Share Posted December 2, 2009 Thats perfect In the Dark. That is exactly what he is doing. he drove me to end it so he could play the victim... But yeah...who cares?!?!?! Not to be bigheaded but he lost a good girlfriend. But I feel good because I no longer have to WORRY About whethers hes gonna leave me or disappear AGAIN. Im feeling very fufilled and positive. Thanks to you guys Link to comment
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