thegirl_00 Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 I have gone on four dates with someone I met online. I'm not into the online dating thing, I was mainly on there out of boredom at work. There was only one guy I ever emailed back and after talking for awhile and making sure he was legit, we met in a public place. I wasn't sure I liked him, but he made it VERY clear that he liked me right after the first date. After only the first date he would call me non stop, text me, email me. He bought chocolate on the first date, and flowers on the second date, and has talked to me a lot about starting a relationship. He has also talked to me about taking a trip to Vegas with some of this friends this winter (moving fast or what?) But I am just wanting to take it slow for now... Him and I do have a lot of important qualities in common. In fact I have never really met anyone thus far who I have had so much in common with. I don't trust the internet for dating, for many obvious reasons. So I have been keeping my eyes and ear open for any sign that there is something wrong with the picture... but I haven't found anything yet. He told me his reasoning for being on an online dating site is simply because he is FAR too busy to find someone any other way.He owns his own business, and has another side business as well. Also he has a lot of close friends and plays a lot of sports which keep him busy. He said that he really wants to be in a relationship and have someone to share his wonderful life with to make it that much better. I am finding myself feeling a little confused... and I guess a little insecure. What does a 30 year old successful, attractive, athletic man want with a 21 year old who is in university and still lives at home? If anyone else see's something wrong with this picture let me know. Or if I am just over paranoid... Thanks for reading! Link to comment
Seymore Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 Kind of a big gap for the ages you are, but he might genuinely like you. I say give him the benefit of the doubt, but if you're uncomfortable with the showering of attention, I'd let him know to scale it back a bit. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 Why the age hang up? Bottom-line, do you enjoy his company? Does he enjoy yours? Link to comment
Martin1 Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 I think you worry too much, I know alot of couples with an age difference of 8 - 15 years that just do fine. Of course it's not as common so it might look weird for you, also the fact that he's a very successful man probably adds up to that feeling of yours. Still I guess you shouldn't go to vegas with them, I mean you don't know any of them and better be safe than sorry. Did you tell him you wanna go slow? If not then you should, I'm sure he understands that and if he really is serious he will respect it Also don't make yourself look worse than you are, who cares if you still live at home. Link to comment
thegirl_00 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Share Posted November 22, 2009 Why the age hang up? Bottom-line, do you enjoy his company? Does he enjoy yours? I guess the main insecurity is that he has his life together, and I don't. But yes, I do enjoy his company. He is amazing so far. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 He sounds a little bit too good to be true. All the non-stop texting, calling, flowers and candy would throw me off a bit. The behavior is too obsessive in my opinion. I have to have my breathing room, my little bit of space, even when I'm in a deep relationship. The age isn't nearly so much an issue as the smothering. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 Don't beat yourself up over it...and give yourself more credit.. it's not always about where someone is in their life, sometimes it's just about who you are. I know plenty of people my age, men and women, who still don't have their life together - Keep positive thougths, he obviously sees something within you that he likes. Link to comment
musicguy Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 Kind of a big gap for the ages you are, but he might genuinely like you. I say give him the benefit of the doubt, but if you're uncomfortable with the showering of attention, I'd let him know to scale it back a bit. I agree. Tell him that he's moving too fast. Just because you two are far apart in age doesn't mean that you two won't click. I mean Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 He sounds a little bit too good to be true. All the non-stop texting, calling, flowers and candy would throw me off a bit. The behavior is too obsessive in my opinion. I have to have my breathing room, my little bit of space, even when I'm in a deep relationship. The age isn't nearly so much an issue as the smothering. I completely agree. I see red flags here and it is not the age difference...it is his sweet talking, the gifts, the Las Vegas trip he wants you to go on with him, the constant communication so early on. Either he is a player or he is desperate...and I think the attraction has more to do with him figuring at 21 you are naive and would gobble up all his sweet talk and gestures. Tread carefully with this guy...it is too much, too intense, too soon. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 He sounds like a good salesman, talking about his good life and all. I get a feeling he's been on the dating sites for years. He said he has no time for other dating methods, but if that were true he wouldn't have all this time to be texting, calling, e-mailing, etc. Link to comment
Salicia Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 This post was deemed for the age gap relationships but that's not the point I'm trying to get accross. I'm actually in your shoes right now TG 20. I had a 31 year old be interested in me, only I was 19 at the time. He first had an interest in me when I was 18, him 29 going on 30. I had no clue what he wanted in me as well but as time went on, I saw that it was love. He didn't want anything else except a relationship with a woman who was compatible with him and I happened to come into his life at the time. I know that you are overreacting a bit because I did it when I first found out that he had feelings for me. I was really scared and apprehensive to do any type of romantic relationship with him but as time went on, I let my guard down more around him because he didn't seem to stop loving me. Now 3 years later, we are on the verge of dating each other and I'm not scared about the age gap anymore because I realized that love doesn't care about age. I also got to the point in my life that I love him as much as he loves me where I didn't so much in the past. If you like him as much as he likes you, go for it. Don't stop because of the age difference. If you are still wary of it, go slow. At least give him a chance. By the way, I wish you the best. Link to comment
yonkeehoi Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 Use caution, sure, but what's wrong with the guy (?) nothing probably. He's trying to make a good impression for crying out loud. Sheesh! Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 There is a reason she is asking, and it's probably something nagging that she doesn't understand. It's likely a good gut instinct for BS. But he could be genuine, only time will tell. Link to comment
servedcold Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 The age gap is not the issue here, the things Firecracker and CAD bring up are. Cut yourself some slack in the "what could he possibly see in me?" department and focus more on the hot and heavy blowing your door down behavior. That's where the flags are. Link to comment
servedcold Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 Use caution, sure, but what's wrong with the guy (?) nothing probably. He's trying to make a good impression for crying out loud. Sheesh! People who storm in really early with flowers, gifts, trips, and heavy declarations of affection are usually trying to buy something, sell something, or hide something, rather than build a foundation for a meaningful relationship sorry to say. Cynical? yes, admittedly so. Link to comment
lady00 Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 People who storm in really early with flowers, gifts, trips, and heavy declarations of affection are usually trying to buy something, sell something, or hide something, rather than build a foundation for a meaningful relationship sorry to say. Cynical? yes, admittedly so. I agree. I actually don't find it cynical though. Link to comment
lady00 Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 I completely agree. I see red flags here and it is not the age difference...it is his sweet talking, the gifts, the Las Vegas trip he wants you to go on with him, the constant communication so early on. Either he is a player or he is desperate...and I think the attraction has more to do with him figuring at 21 you are naive and would gobble up all his sweet talk and gestures. Tread carefully with this guy...it is too much, too intense, too soon. Yes, this. It sounds like he barely knows you but has gone full speed ahead. Given the age gap, I can't help but wonder if he thinks you are young and naive. I'm not saying you are, but rather that he may be assuming that and counting on that. Link to comment
Longblackhair Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 21 and 30 is not that big of a deal. At 21 years old you are a fully grown adult and dating someone who is 30 shouldn't be that big of a deal. Now if he were 50 then yeah but 30 he's still young enough to relate to you Link to comment
lady00 Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Oh, and also I should add that I don't think the age gap is a problem in and of itself. I think him moving at the speed of light is the problem. Link to comment
citymouse Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 People who storm in really early with flowers, gifts, trips, and heavy declarations of affection are usually trying to buy something, sell something, or hide something, rather than build a foundation for a meaningful relationship sorry to say. Cynical? yes, admittedly so. I and my sorry story are testament to this. ServedCold speaks the truth. Beware! If Romeo is for real, he will still be around two or three months from now. Whatever you do, do NOT jump into bed with this guy. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 21 and 30 is not that big of a deal. At 21 years old you are a fully grown adult and dating someone who is 30 shouldn't be that big of a deal. Now if he were 50 then yeah but 30 he's still young enough to relate to you is it really so hard to believe that an older person and younger person can relate to each other? Link to comment
musicguy Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I'm all for doing nice things, flowers/candy and such, but inviting you to go to Vegas with him and his boys would be overwhelming. Constant texting is pushing it too. He's trying too hard, too fast Link to comment
In the Dark Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 People who storm in really early with flowers, gifts, trips, and heavy declarations of affection are usually trying to buy something, sell something, or hide something, rather than build a foundation for a meaningful relationship sorry to say. Cynical? yes, admittedly so. I agree.....with what you said but cynical no. What kind of guy goes full blast with the endearments? Sheesh a bit here and there but not his continual text BS and carry on. I mean come on! Something is fishy here.... And it's making me do this As for age gap. I offically have totally given up on thinking about it even a bit. Why? Because I have never had a good relationship with someone who is close to my age. Always been a sort of tug of war going on. Link to comment
servedcold Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I agree.....with what you said but cynical no. What kind of guy goes full blast with the endearments? Sheesh a bit here and there but not his continual text BS and carry on. As for age gap. I offically have totally given up on thinking about it even a bit. Why? Because I have never had a good relationship with someone who is close to my age. Always been a sort of tug of war going on. Guess I meant "cynical" compared to the Hollywood, television, greeting card theory of how men are "supposed" to woo women. Am with you on the age gap, even made a thread on it a long time ago. And the way you put it "tug of war" is apt. Dated a 23 y.o. a couple years back, OP, when I was 43, she was the initial pursuer, never questioned what she would see in me, we just really clicked. This woman was reading the same novels I was and my last "age appropriate" GF read nothing but tabloids. The old "couldn't possibly have anything in common" and "lack of life experience" cliches are just that, cliche', in addition to being insulting to younger people generally. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I agree with all the folks who've cautioned about him coming on too strong and too fast, but I'd just like to take that a step beyond a general warning to discuss WHY this can be a concern. Hot and heavy straight from the gate usually leads to fast promises and passionate declarations of love, followed by weeks of intense sex and great pillow talk, followed by a snuffed flame and a sudden exit as quickly as he came. You can research the term 'dance away lover' on the Internet and find articles about a certain type of commitment-phobe. They fall 'in love' instantly, until they've won the lover, enjoy great sex, and then out of nowhere they cause drama or just go 'poof'. Once the dumped lover has healed and moved on, the dance away often comes back around to 'win' again (often leaving the next victim behind)--until they've won that drama, and then they're gone again... onto the next lover. That's the 'dance'. There's one type of lover even worse than this who demo's the same instant passion and promises--abusive men. They win lovers quickly, too, although not all of them will show their control-freak qualities until after they marry their target. Nobody here can know whether this could be a bad guy, but when someone comes on way too strong, way too early, this is the stuff all the red flags are trying to warn about. Fingers crossed that he's just a great guy. In your corner. Link to comment
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