SapphireNoir10 Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Anyone else had these?? Where everythings fine and your talking about marriage/moving in one second and out of the blue they disappear/start talking about ending things/end things? How do you cope with knowing you'll never get your 'Why?' Answer Did any of you ever get the answer? I'd be able to get over this a lot easier if I'd seen it coming or if he'd sat down and explained it to me rather than just sending me some mixed up texts. Link to comment
matador1972 Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Had an out of the blue one myself, still not really any the wiser as to why and its hard to move on as a result. Best i got was "we dont have much in common" after 18 years. Link to comment
Spondence Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Yes. I was in what I considered a nice loving relationship for over two years. Very intense with little to no strife of any kind. Just peaceful really. I treated her well and provided much for her. About 6 weeks ago she said to me "The relationship has gone sour. We're at diffrent places in our lives. If you respect me, then never call me again." "If you come here my dad will be waiting for you" The next day her phone disconnected, email and any form of contact-gone. My clothes arrived in a box a few days later. I have not seen or heard anything since nor do I have a way to. This has been the single worst heartbreak event in my life. It was totally debilitating. I'm really making some progress now after these weeks...but it is slow and very lonely. Link to comment
Nickk Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Yes. I was in what I considered a nice loving relationship for over two years. Very intense with little to no strife of any kind. Just peaceful really. I treated her well and provided much for her. About 6 weeks ago she said to me "The relationship has gone sour. We're at diffrent places in our lives. If you respect me, then never call me again." "If you come here my dad will be waiting for you" The next day her phone disconnected, email and any form of contact-gone. My clothes arrived in a box a few days later. I have not seen or heard anything since nor do I have a way to. This has been the single worst heartbreak event in my life. It was totally debilitating. I'm really making some progress now after these weeks...but it is slow and very lonely. wow, thats pretty damn cold. Do you still struggle, how often do you think about her now? Sorry, just asking questions to maybe help me understand some things im gtoing through Link to comment
petite Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Yes. I was in what I considered a nice loving relationship for over two years. Very intense with little to no strife of any kind. Just peaceful really. I treated her well and provided much for her. About 6 weeks ago she said to me "The relationship has gone sour. We're at diffrent places in our lives. If you respect me, then never call me again." "If you come here my dad will be waiting for you" The next day her phone disconnected, email and any form of contact-gone. My clothes arrived in a box a few days later. I have not seen or heard anything since nor do I have a way to. This has been the single worst heartbreak event in my life. It was totally debilitating. I'm really making some progress now after these weeks...but it is slow and very lonely. Wow that's pretty harsh. But you know what? If she is like that and if she can so easily just shut you out, then YOU ARE BETTER WITHOUT someone that is willing to hurt you that much. You WILL make it through! It's tough, but you will be okay. Now all I need to do it take my own advice also. Link to comment
Spondence Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Do I still struggle? well. Yes. here's my progress report week 1-2 tremors, can't breath, can't eat, can't sleep, can't function week 2-4 unavoidable pain, I would compare it to walking thru a blazing fire and then sitting down and waiting heal. Nightmares, trouble sleeping, confusion and reality becoming clearer week 4-6 the same as 2-4 but with no denial effect. all reality. so in way worse but better for healing. At exactly 6 weeks to the day, no more crying, no more anger, controlling my thoughts to some degree and focusing. I realizr this process has taken every bit of life force energy from my soul. My body and mind are simply exausted...I think I'm moving on... Link to comment
greywolf Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 You've got to stop asking why. Even if they sit down and explain it to you, there's always still things you can't understand. Wanting to know the reasons and trying to figure everything out is an inability to accept that things are not always in your control. You've just got to accept that things happen that we don't always understand and just let go. Every time you question why it happened you are holding on and not moving on. Link to comment
BraveStar Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Yep. I was with my ex for 2 years and we had been living together for a year. As far as I was concerned we had a good relationship, I was so happy with her and the life we had built together. I had just spent all my savings on a new car so she would have a safe car to use for her new job. I went home for a family thing and when I got back she said that she thought things had changed and they wouldn't ever be the same again. She said things hasn't been right for a few months and that was that. I asked her if we could try and work through things and all I got was "no". It's now almost 4 months later and I'm feeling a lot better about things. The first month for me was horrible. I handed in my notice at work but I still had to stay in the flat on my own whilst we both slowly moved out. I don't think I made any progress in this month. I moved back in with my parents and started looking for a job, I'm still looking now. I didn't eat and I have lost about 30lbs, only now is my appetite starting to come back. We had planned out our entire future. We talked about getting married and spending the rest of our lives together. She said before she met me she never thought she wanted kids but she couldn't imagine not having mine. We were starting to look into buying a house together. So this whole thing really came as a complete shock to me. The loss of this future has been a really difficult thing to deal with, my entire life has been turned upside down. I still don't have any answers as to what exactly happened and believe me my mind has gone through every possible scenario. I have come to the realisation that the only thing that really matters is that she no longer wanted to be with me and I don't want to waste my time, energy and love on someone like this. I have written a lot since the break up, all the times I have wanted to call her I have put every feeling down on paper and not sent it. This has really helped, I didn't think it did at the time but looking back on it I'm so glad I never told her any of this stuff. Exercise has been a savior for me, it wont help you understand but it at least takes your mind off everything and makes you feel good, if only for a little while. I really hope you find a way to deal with this. It's so hard but all you can do is take every day as it comes and be kind to yourself. Link to comment
DenverBachelor Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Had an out of the blue one myself, still not really any the wiser as to why and its hard to move on as a result. Best i got was "we dont have much in common" after 18 years. You're right. I mean we've only spent a little over 6,500 days together. What can you really learn by being around someone for only 157,680 hours? Maybe you just needed a couple thousand minutes of space to figure out the other 9,460,800? Sometimes you just have to take a second to reflect on the other 567,648,000? But whatever. Humans can be fickle. Link to comment
ElChup Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Mine came one day after we had taken my parents around wedding venues. I think she just got cold feet at the prospect of marriage and bottled it. Link to comment
matador1972 Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 You're right. I mean we've only spent a little over 6,500 days together. What can you really learn by being around someone for only 157,680 hours? Maybe you just needed a couple thousand minutes of space to figure out the other 9,460,800? Sometimes you just have to take a second to reflect on the other 567,648,000? But whatever. Humans can be fickle. Lol, that was helpful, it was probably more like 6400 days, but yeh, i would have thought she would have twigged before now if we didnt have anything in common Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 i am going through this. About a month before he broke up with me he told me that he was 100% positive that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We were actually in the process of buying a house when he randomly decided that he didnt want to be with me anymore and "didn't want to settle down" and "needed to be single". of course 3 weeks later he is hooking up with another girl. Link to comment
123skyscraper Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 you need to stop looking for reasons why it ended. accept the fact that it has ended for whatever reasons. continuing to find out why it ended because he failed to tell you the real reasons will only slow down your progress in moving on. moving on is what you need to do. it needs to be your first priority. who cares why he ended it? obv he didnt give a rat's behind in telling you his reasons, so shove any thoughts of him out the door to the garbage bin where he belongs. start putting your healing first. you cannot have all the reasons why certain things happen in life. there are too many unanswered life events. sorry if i sound harsh, but think of him as the jerk he is, without backbones or respect to even tell you why he fleed. this might help you move on faster. Link to comment
SighSob Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Anyone else had these?? Where everythings fine and your talking about marriage/moving in one second and out of the blue they disappear/start talking about ending things/end things? How do you cope with knowing you'll never get your 'Why?' Answer Did any of you ever get the answer? I'd be able to get over this a lot easier if I'd seen it coming or if he'd sat down and explained it to me rather than just sending me some mixed up texts. I think that the answer is: he wasn't that into you. Or, his feelings towards you changed during the course of your relationship, and he decided that you two were not meant to be together anymore. It sure stings, my breakup came out of nowhere (to me) as well, but as days go by you will eventually start caring less about what went wrong and start caring more about what you can do to make the present go better. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 I dated a guy once for about 4 months. Things were going great. He even said he loved me, then...out of nowhere...he told me that he did not want to see me any more. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 I'd be able to get over this a lot easier if I'd seen it coming or if he'd sat down and explained it to me rather than just sending me some mixed up texts. Blue You did see this coming, but you were in denial. He has been lying to you, and disappearing from at least a few months back. I'm not trying to sound harsh, but there are always signs, and sometimes we just turn a deaf ear, and refuse to accept what's right there in front of us. I wish you the best in getting through this... Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 Its just worse because we had a massive heart to heart where we were honest with what was going wrong and promised to work on it, and we were getting on fab and forgetting the past........it just is the most painful thing on earth. Why tell me 'I love you, I want to marry you' I'll never hurt you again, never disappear again' Then disappear...thats taking the monkeys. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 I think that the answer is: he wasn't that into you. Or, his feelings towards you changed during the course of your relationship, and he decided that you two were not meant to be together anymore. It sure stings, my breakup came out of nowhere (to me) as well, but as days go by you will eventually start caring less about what went wrong and start caring more about what you can do to make the present go better. Why couldnt he just tell me that? Instead of telling me stuff 'was perfect' and then the next minute...gone. Link to comment
dumped Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Maybe this is your answer Link to comment
angel1980 Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 yep i have just had that... 4.5 years we were together, he was there from when my daughter was a baby so she sees him as the father figure ... things WERE up and down between us but the nice was SO nice. 7 weeks ago things had gotten so nice between us and i was starting to let my guard down again and fall for him. i woke up one morning to find him stroking my face and he told me he wanted to take the day off work and spend the whole day cuddling me. 2 days after that he text me in the morning while he was at work and said that he would book the hotel for out holiday at the weekend so we could get excited together.... that same afternoon he seemd to go distant.. that evening he went cold and didnt even reply to my texts the day after he was really cold and snappy and by evening he was shouting at me and tellign me he didnt want to talk and to leave him alone. the day after he was the same the day after that he was jsut mean to me and was picking on everything i did wrong and what he hates about me and then in the evening whem my daugther was in bed he told me he didn't want to be with me any more, he wouldnt not be coming out for my birthday the weekend after and he was not going to be going on holiday with me any more and would be seeling the flights. that was nearly 6 weeks ago and i still havent had a proper answer.. he just sais something inside him switchd and what he wants out of life has changed and he can't keep going round in circles and having the ups and downs. but it still doesn't explain how someone can go from being so loving and in one afternoon switch to so cold and distant, my daughter is gutted and keeps telling me she loves and misses him.. its horrible .... he said he doesnt want to keep the contact with her coz he jsut wants a clean break and wants to move on from this period of his life. i have asked him to at least remain friend coz we always said we would if we broke up coz we have been through so much together but he dont even really want to talk and when he does, it's very abrupt and business like... as if i am a colleague or something and like there was never any love or feeling over the 4.5 years. it's bloomin hard that is for sure. i went out on saturday but felt so depressed as he is normaly at that kind of night out with me and every tune reminded me of him and my friend who is dating his friend were all over each other. just wanted him there with me. Link to comment
kim1 Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Yes. I was in what I considered a nice loving relationship for over two years. Very intense with little to no strife of any kind. Just peaceful really. I treated her well and provided much for her. About 6 weeks ago she said to me "The relationship has gone sour. We're at diffrent places in our lives. If you respect me, then never call me again." "If you come here my dad will be waiting for you" The next day her phone disconnected, email and any form of contact-gone. My clothes arrived in a box a few days later. I have not seen or heard anything since nor do I have a way to. This has been the single worst heartbreak event in my life. It was totally debilitating. I'm really making some progress now after these weeks...but it is slow and very lonely. What does it mean when they say "we are at different places in our lives" I got that too. I took it to mean he wants me to let him see other people and be a doormat and I wasn't doing that. It was his way or the high way. Link to comment
kim1 Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Yes. I was in what I considered a nice loving relationship for over two years. Very intense with little to no strife of any kind. Just peaceful really. I treated her well and provided much for her. About 6 weeks ago she said to me "The relationship has gone sour. We're at diffrent places in our lives. If you respect me, then never call me again." "If you come here my dad will be waiting for you" The next day her phone disconnected, email and any form of contact-gone. My clothes arrived in a box a few days later. I have not seen or heard anything since nor do I have a way to. This has been the single worst heartbreak event in my life. It was totally debilitating. I'm really making some progress now after these weeks...but it is slow and very lonely. this was very harsh what happened to you. Did anything happen before that to make you think anything was off? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 Thats the worst thing....with these there are like even more signs of lovingness in my case. But when I think about it more and more I realise maybe it wasnt so great. Link to comment
kim1 Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 ] i was just reading this grass is greener syndrome They say that this doesn't mean you two are over forever and maybe someday down the road you'll be together again. At the same time, they'll tell you to move on. I got this too. He said this doesn't mean its forever. He didn't tell me to move on but said he would understand if I didn't want to modify my behavior and he would try to think of a solution but so far he had not been able to Link to comment
Spondence Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 this was very harsh what happened to you. Did anything happen before that to make you think anything was off? Everything was roses till the ball dropped. We just went away for a relaxing weekend and had a great time. Laughed, shopped a little, also we had just got the kids ready for school and sent them off that first day and it was very sweet..(her kids) whom I also had a great rlsp with. And as a matter of fact my last memory of her we did the rent a movie and have sex night. I realize now I was probably duped. She was probably seeing somebody and left me for him, however I have absolutley no Idea. But as all I have are my memories I think the warning signs were there. I am not a jealous man and never put any thought into it...I always figured well if she's going cheat or whatever I'll eventually find out...so why worry.. I really have no answers and I guess I could do a drive-by but I refuse. I want to heal and be safe before anything at this point. It's my number one goal and I'm doing great with it. I can tell you one thing though....ugghh...this is tough to say but... When I met her...she was with a loving boyfriend...she claimed she just "didn't love him" so it was o.k...and I believed her...she said that she did love 'me' though so it's diffrent and she would never do that to me. I was with her for 3 months before she broke it off with him. I know. I am idiot....or course there's a lot more to it... I'm writing my story and it will be done soon...I'll post it when it is... Link to comment
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