How much flakiness do you tolerate?

[sandrawg]

I have a friend who's really flaky. This past week, I got pretty fed up with it, though. She promised to call me Sunday about some plans we made, and blew me off. Then, we had made plans AGES ago to go out tomorrow night...she tells me 3 days ago that she "Forgot" about our plans, and made plans with her boyfriend to go on a day trip out of town!

 

Well, if it were me, I would tell my bf, sorry, I have to honor my commitment to my friend (me), and do their day trip another time. She refuses to, though...or she kind of played lip service to doing it but gave me a guilt trip, saying I should cut her some slack.

 

I'm so tired of flaky people. How much of this do you guys usually tolerate before you kick someone to the curb for it?

[JeckyllNHyde]

Ugh I hear ya.

 

I think she didn't forget. She probably just felt she'd rather hang out with the bf and wasn't considerate enough to call or let you down directly/honestly. I've been in her shoes, but then again I wouldn't let a friend down the way she did, let alone give U a guilt trip.

 

Flaky friends make me insecure and confused. One minute they seem into hanging out and being friends, and then suddenly they're flaking out and not returning calls.

I don't ditch them but I do expect less of them and make way less plans. Innitiating calls happens way less too.

If they've flaked on me to the point where I am just FED up, I just stop innitiating communication all together but if they speak to me I keep things civil and friendly. Just not like I would with a close friend anymore.

 

 

I dunno, maybe I'm too sensitive but if I'm being a good friend, I'd like to get that in return. Not have things be one sided.

Note: Lol, it's no wonder I don't have many close friends.

[sandrawg]

Jeckyl, I hear ya. This is why I tend to hang out with guys instead of girls. For some reason, they seem less flaky. I do have one guy friend that will often cancel on me if he gets a date, or seems to mostly call me when his dates flake on him. Other than that, they pretty much show up when they say they will!

[Celadon]

I don't tolerate flakiness well. In fact, almost not at all. I'm very very particular about keeping appointments unless there's a reason I deem reasonable as an excuse. I am not 100 percent proud to be this way, but it's how I am.

 

In reality, I think some flexibility is necessary in a friendship. Illness can derail plans. Maybe an emotional problem, like an argument with a bf, will require some flexibility.

 

What I don't like about your friend's behavior is that she tried to guilt trip you. Me, if I make a mistake, I own up to it. Everyone forgets from time to time. We're flawed as humans. We have to be compassionate on each other.

 

So does everything else that she brings to the table as a friend make it worth your putting up with her flakiness? If not, kick her to the curb. I've done it before. One person no longer merits my friendship. The other one, I never initiate with. She broke my trust a long time ago, and she'll never fully get it back unless she totally changes.

[catfeeder]

I don't kick flakes, I phase them out. Avoids drama and keeps me comfortable should I run into them somewhere. It's easy to do, because someone who only wants an audience or a prop for finding a lover isn't sincere enough to warrant an investment. So just be unavailable for anything you wouldn't be willing to go and do all by yourself, like shopping or a movie. Then if she's late, you can just keep your own plans.

 

Without your availability to be used as an ornament to 'see or be seen,' she'll do the fading away on her own.

 

In your corner.

[HighRoad]

I don't kick flakes, I phase them out.

 

Without your availability to be used as an ornament to 'see or be seen,' she'll do the fading away on her own.

 

True, true. Fading out the flake is the best way. When they don't get what they want (your listening ear, your availalbility, etc) then they get in a huff (usually) and go find someone else who will "meet their needs." Perfect.

[SoMuchLove]

... I'm in the EXACT situation only my best friend is doing this to me. It does hurt me a lot because I don't have many friends and can't seem to make any no matter how hard I try. Then when I think I have that one person I can depend on through thick and thin, she ignores my calls and my messages. We've been friends for 3 years, but I can't tolerate this anymore. I'm going to cut her off and see if she tries to initiate anything. If she doesn't. I'll confront her, deal with the drama and end it. I do not deserve this level of blatant disrespect.

 

I assume she thinks I'm ALWAYS going to be there no matter what which is why she's taking me for granted(people value more what they fear they can lose).... well.... she's got another thing comin.