Friend was wrong...

[thomas more]

A friend of mine was wrong. She got into a bad relationship and I told her so. Eventually he beat her. I had told her it would happen. She's going around telling her family and others that I was right all about him and what he was going to do. She has even told my wife I was right.

 

There's one person she's yet to say it to... me.

 

Do I have a right to expect that?

 

I'd forgive her for all the crap that went on around this, the trouble it caused, and for her lies to other people and me if she just said the words "You were right." to me.

 

Is that wrong to expect? Should I just wait, and perhaps it's just not the time yet for her to say that directly to me?

[Ms Darcy]

So ... your friend gotten beaten up in a relationship and you want her to tell you that you were right?

 

Is this really the most important issue here?

[jenny_mcs]

Your friend has been beaten by the man she was dating and what you are most concerned about is being told "you were right"? Get your priorities straight- you don't sound like a very good friend at all.

[Leighton]

I agree with the two ladies above me. It's not always about being right.

[anggrace]

I agree with the others. I don't see what the importance of you being right/her being "wrong" is.

[-Sanguine-]

This isn't about you being right... your friend was beaten. I agree with the above posts.

[Dinka]

I can understand why you feel you need to be vindicated here...you knew your friend was entering into a potentially dangerous situation and by ignoring your warnings, you probably felt she was throwing your advice in your face.

 

But in this case, your friend has been through a very trying time. She is probably feeling a lot of emotions right now, including guilt and shame (whether or not it is warranted). She is probably not too excited about acknowledging that you were right. Knowing that you were right should be enough, on your end.

 

There is nothing stopping you from approaching her and providing support and comfort...but don't turn that into an "I told you so," because you're just going to make her feel worse.

[lady00]

I have to agree as well with what others are saying. I think that instead of worrying about her telling you you were right, you should just be a friend to her and be supportive.

[agent1607307371]

So ... your friend gotten beaten up in a relationship and you want her to tell you that you were right?

 

Is this really the most important issue here?

 

 

This.

 

You sound really cold.

[thomas more]

One of the people she told that "I was right" about the guy who beat her is a guy she was having an affair with that lives near me, (she's in another town) and I also know? She told him that because of my warnings to her she had to stay away from here. She had been coming to town and having the fling here and I knew of it. She of course, left out that she had been having an affair with this man who beat her. (Thinking he can't read the news when this is written about as I suspect it will given that it took place in small town.) Now, I feel like I look like an idiot for having warned her so strongly about her danger to this guy, who I know well.

 

I know it's a complicated situation. She told me for months that she was no longer with the guy who beat her. She lied to me. I can forgive that. I'd like her to admit it, but well, that may never come and I don't need that to be forgiving of her.

 

I feel badly for her. I want the guy put away for every day that they can throw at him for what he did. That night, he damaged her car, told her he did it and then they went back to his place while his friend worked on the car and had sex, then he beat her. It was a stupid thing to do. I know, a mistake, we all make them. She's said that her husband and family needs to just settle down and not ask any questions... aka. She won't accept any responibility for getting her self into the situation. What he did.. wrong, wrong, wrong. She didn't deserve that to happen, no one, no woman does. I alerted her to his violent criminal past. Yet, she went on. Her mistake. Now, she has to deal with the results.

 

I want her to know that I support her and want him put away a long time, that is formost in my mind.

 

In my first conversation after the incident the first thing she said to me was "I need to listen to you." I responded something like "well, we'll have to talk about that sometime. What matters is you taking good care of yourself. "

 

But why does she keep telling everyone else, but the guy who was the one she 'should have listened to" that I was right? It just feels like we are at odd with each other when we have talked. Hang-over from my days of warning her? How do I break past that? I want to be supportive to her, she has a long, tough road ahead.

[thomas more]

I was in the wrong about this. A good friend and I had a great conversation about this and I came away from it with a lot to think about and felt it would be good to put this out here.

 

It's always hard to say to someone that they were correct about a situation where you felt you were very much in the right about it. Add in that she had put her self in grave danger and her child in that same danger, and that she lied to me about the situation, it's a tough one. I need to be more compasionate about it and let her have pass on this one. Perhaps one day we might be able to talk about it in some way, but that day is not now.

 

I have looked at her and said she put herself into a bad situation, but how many times have I done the same. Perhaps not to near fatal results like this, but I've done it. I've had people tell me that I was doing something that was a bad idea and I didn't listen, feeling I knew better. I think most of us have done that at one time or another.

 

That she is telling others and not me, is really a non-issue. I want to hear it because I want someone to tell me I was right, and well, someone does know it... me. Perhaps the legal system will also tell that if this guy gets all that he has coming to him for his actions.

 

I've had an education. I was wrong.