Was she trying to make a move?

[Keraron]

I am 100% ignorant about hidden signs and signals, and don't act upon them since they can have 100 different meanings.

I also never make any move if the signs are TOO ambiguous.

 

The girl I spoke about here (quick recap: she is a FWB of a person I know abroad, who is in her "fun-phase" but apparently was interested in settling with me as a serious relationship, until I started turning paranoid, needy and clingy... therefore we're somewhere on the margins of the FriendZone, and I have absolutely no clue whether she really sees me as "just a friend" or more) invited me for dinner at her place on Halloween night (when everyone else usually goes out to party) and was really well-groomed and well-dressed.

 

After dinner, her roommate stayed in the hall, while she proposed me to watch a film with her. We went to her bedroom and lie down on her bed, and she put the film on her laptop. The film was in a language she doesn't know well so she asked me to translate when she didn't understand something. She never asked anything though, and the only thing she said was it's getting cold... do you feel cold?" Me no, I'm perfectly fine!"

She changed her pillow in a way that both our heads were together on the same and touching (perhaps only for comfort). Sometimes she looked at me, and other times away.

 

After about an hour she was sleeping...

 

The contents of the film was also very similar to our situation (at least, from my point of view): while her boyfriend is away on a holiday, the girlfriend develops deeper emotions for their friend in common and they fall in love, even after the boyfriend returns.

 

Since she had fallen asleep I suggested that we watch another time and left. Out of courtesy I sent her a text message thanking her for the evening.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Looks like you blew it..she was giving more than strong hints about what she wanted from you but you did not act.

[Keraron]

How the #l4594 must I act?

 

I really DON'T KNOW how to act, what exactly to do, etc.!!!!!!

 

What could I do now?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Call her up and ask her out.

[Keraron]

Call her up and ask her out.

 

How?

 

I am really sorry but I have never done this before, so I have no clue how to proceed. What exactly must I tell her?

 

Also, I think that taking it slowly could be better as I don't want to be in the same category of all her admirers, FWBs and lovers. I am aiming at a serious long-term relationship.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Do you really want to be with someone who is currently banging someone else until she finds someone to have a real relationship with? I would feel grossed out to be with a guy who was having sex with someone 2 days before deciding to be in a relationship with me..I wouldn't want to touch a man like that for fear of what he could pass on to me.

[Keraron]

Do you really want to be with someone who is currently banging someone else until she finds someone to have a real relationship with? I would feel grossed out to be with a guy who was having sex with someone 2 days before deciding to be in a relationship with me..I wouldn't want to touch a man like that for fear of what he could pass on to me.

 

This is why I said I want to take things slowly...

 

When you said "You blew it!", you made it seem as if that was the ultimatum for the rest of my life, which is what makes me scared to death. For me, friendship is more important than anything else, and I still love her as a friend.

 

I value other things in her that are unrelated to whom she sleeps with and how often.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, the thing is, while you are taking it slowly and developing friendship, she is out there having casual sex with this guy and who knows who else. Perhaps if you state your intentions to date her you can enter a period of time where she is not having sex with others, she can get herself tested and by the time you are ready to go the next level with her the tests will have declared her "clean".

[catfeeder]

The problem with indulging FWB is that there's never any clarity. Having sex doesn't mean anything, so what does, exactly?

[lady00]

How?

 

I am really sorry but I have never done this before, so I have no clue how to proceed. What exactly must I tell her?

 

Also, I think that taking it slowly could be better as I don't want to be in the same category of all her admirers, FWBs and lovers. I am aiming at a serious long-term relationship.

 

Call her up and say "would you like to go to dinner with me" or some other activity. And then if you feel the chemistry on the date make your move (kiss her). I don't think her signals were hidden at all...it sounds like they were pretty out there. Nonetheless if you made no moves she probably does not know you are interested.

[Regeta]

Although I have good instincts when it's obvious, I am also naive and oblivious sometimes.

Thank God I have an aggressive personality, or else I'd sit around all day with my mind rushing like Niagra Falls.

Whenever I get confused on what a girl wants, I just confront her and ask her. Openness, honesty, and gentle confrontation (good communication) is very important in one's interpersonal life.

 

I start talking to her and then ask the moment it feels appropriate [enough]

"So like... yesterday when we were laying on the bed together, were you hitting on me?

If she says no, I shrug, make a joke, LoL, then go back to some random conversation.

If she says yes, "kindof", or is silent, I pursue further. "Well... what do you want from me? Do you like me?"

 

From there, I just discuss it like an intelligent adult and find out what it is we both want and how we both feel. Usually if it's confusing in the first place, the girl is confused- but this at least allows me to get things down so I know what to do, and she can get control of herself one way or another.

It's basically the equivalent of saying "Look, if you want to be with me then be with me. If you aren't sure, then stop messing with my feelings, I deserve respect!" but in a nice, gentle, soft way.

 

I don't do any type of "friends with benefits" thing because that is self-degrading to everyone involved and will only hurt both people. It's just stupid and also hinders us from developing self-control and emotional independence. If you respect yourself, you'll tell yourself "I deserve to be special to a girl/guy. I deserve to be kissed and it mean something. I deserve commitment and security in my life."

I believe that if a person respects themselves, then they'll understand the value of their lips as a treasure only to be given to those truly deserving.