Why Do I Still Believe We'll End Up Together

[Rob1000]

My ex and broke up 8 months ago after 5 years together. We haven't seen or spoken to each other since (just the odd email, the last one way back in August). Back in early summer we both agreed that too much had happened between us for us ever to get back together. We both agreed that we needed closure and no contact if there was ever a chance of us becoming friends. I don't even feel the same way for her anymore, and the thoughts of getting back with her don't exactly light me up like they used to. When I sit and think about it rationally, breaking up was the best thing we could do. I know she was wrong for me and I'm not even as attracted to her any more when I see her picture on facebook. I have no idea what she gets up to, if she is seeing someone else, nor has she any idea about me. All logical thoughts point to this being well and truly over.

 

So why oh why do I get the feeling that something is going to happen between us in the future? That somewhere, sometime and somehow, we are going to end up together?? Am I nuts or is there something more powerful guiding us together? Actually I think I'm nuts!! but every once in a while I just get that feeling, just that inkling that somehow we'll end up together!!

[Growl1971]

It's just leftover emotions. Plain and simple. She's someone you spent 8 months with, and of course not all of it was bad.

 

You broke up for reasons(s). Whatever it/they were, you both looked at the relationships and decided it was best to leave it behind.

 

Getting over a relationship takes time to grieve it. It's my guess you're still going throughout to an extent.

 

But I guess to more directly answer your question...familiarity. You know her/and she you.

 

But never say never I suppose. It does happen, to a very small percentage of people. Very small.

 

Right now, you concentrate on you and being that type of person the NEXT lovely lady will see and say 'oh yeah!'... concentrate on you sir, look forward, she's out there somewhere.

[mr.mac]

You're nuts! I'm not saying you won't randomly end up back together, but I think you feel this way based on the comfort of being with her. I bet if you meet some new girl you won't be having these thoughts. I used to think about my ex and wonder how I was going to function without her. This went on for a year and then I met someone new and I haven't given her more than a passing thought. Meeting new people will help purge these thoughts.

[Rob1000]

It's just leftover emotions. Plain and simple. She's someone you spent 8 months with, and of course not all of it was bad.

 

You broke up for reasons(s). Whatever it/they were, you both looked at the relationships and decided it was best to leave it behind.

 

Getting over a relationship takes time to grieve it. It's my guess you're still going throughout to an extent.

 

But I guess to more directly answer your question...familiarity. You know her/and she you.

 

But never say never I suppose. It does happen, to a very small percentage of people. Very small.

 

Right now, you concentrate on you and being that type of person the NEXT lovely lady will see and say 'oh yeah!'... concentrate on you sir, look forward, she's out there somewhere.

 

Yeah good point. Left overs I presume. I guess there's no true answer. After 5 years with someone, there's always going to be a connection between us, even if we never see each other again!

[Rob1000]

You're nuts! I'm not saying you won't randomly end up back together, but I think you feel this way based on the comfort of being with her. I bet if you meet some new girl you won't be having these thoughts. I used to think about my ex and wonder how I was going to function without her. This went on for a year and then I met someone new and I haven't given her more than a passing thought. Meeting new people will help purge these thoughts.

I hear ya. I am meeting new people, plenty of them infact. Maybe its the reality that none of them have really made me hold my breath. The thing is I've broken up with girls before. I've had my heart broken before. But I've never got this gut feeling before. Maybe the fact that our connection was so strong for so long, and maybe the comforting idea of being with just her. Anyway I will continue my healing process, my way, and concetrate on me. If anything happens, well, we'll put that down to fate!!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds to me like you are still not completely over her and that is why you have the feelings that you will get back together. Getting back together doesn't just happen if someone thinks about it. Concrete actions have to happen in order for reconciliation to occur. Neither of you have taken the concrete steps to set the ball in motion so it really is a moot point. It is over and unless either you or her get into contact and make a declaration that you want to get back together, it is just not going to happen...not unless you accidentally bump into each other somewhere and things go from there.

[Rob1000]

Sounds to me like you are still not completely over her and that is why you have the feelings that you will get back together. Getting back together doesn't just happen if someone thinks about it. Concrete actions have to happen in order for reconciliation to occur. Neither of you have taken the concrete steps to set the ball in motion so it really is a moot point. It is over and unless either you or her get into contact and make a declaration that you want to get back together, it is just not going to happen...not unless you accidentally bump into each other somewhere and things go from there.

Well that's I mean. Neither of us has taken any steps to do anything about getting back together. I know I'm not over her, and I'd be very surprised if she is completely over me. Its just an inkling I get in my gut that tells me that some time, could be 5/10 years from now, that we'll end up together. Its really strange.

[doiiiieeezie]

Well that's I mean. Neither of us has taken any steps to do anything about getting back together. I know I'm not over her, and I'd be very surprised if she is completely over me. Its just an inkling I get in my gut that tells me that some time, could be 5/10 years from now, that we'll end up together. Its really strange.

 

I am in the same boat... not based on false hope... but it just doesn't feel like it's over.

 

I believe your ex is dating someone else right? Have you two even talked besides the 5 minute conversation weeks ago?

[Mustachio]

Well you sound like you are doing fine with it. I have read some of your posts and I know the things you have gone through relatively recently, and you seem to be doing much better overall.

 

Maybe it was because of the connection you had, and maybe when you are both at the proper point in your life it will happen. Nobody knows the future, but as long as you are not holding on to it as a hope, then I dont think theres anything wrong feeling that way, again, as long as it doesnt hold you back from your own life.

[Rob1000]

I am in the same boat... not based on false hope... but it just doesn't feel like it's over.

 

I believe your ex is dating someone else right? Have you two even talked besides the 5 minute conversation weeks ago?

No we haven't uttered a word to each other in 2 months. It's my birthday in 2 weeks and I'd be surprised if I didn't get at least a birthday card.

 

I'm not sure if she's dating that guy. And I'm not really bothered either, that's the point I'm making!! My feelings for her aren't the same any more and my own life is making steady progress. It's just that something tells me that, while I've come to the end of the last chapter, the book hasn't fully closed yet!!

[Rob1000]

Well you sound like you are doing fine with it. I have read some of your posts and I know the things you have gone through relatively recently, and you seem to be doing much better overall.

 

Maybe it was because of the connection you had, and maybe when you are both at the proper point in your life it will happen. Nobody knows the future, but as long as you are not holding on to it as a hope, then I dont think theres anything wrong feeling that way, again, as long as it doesnt hold you back from your own life.

Yeah I think its something to do with the connection we had. It was beyond anything either of us has had before. It all ended so suddenly back in february, and we haven't laid eyes on each other since.

 

As for me, I'm doing fine, making slow and steady progress, and I'm pretty sure she is too, which is great.

[FarthestEdge]

Because it's easier, emotionally, than facing the alternative- that it's time to start over & build a new life without her....

 

The uncertainty of the future, dating, fear of being rejected or hurt again by someone else, fear of loving someone else instead of her, can all be avoided by deciding to believe that you are "meant to be" together. It makes everything you do in the meantime (between now and 'eventually') unimportant, and therefore less stressful.

 

But it's an illusion, an emotional strategy to avoid the uncomfortable feelings of being alone & starting over...It's your subconscious way to protect yourself, when all it really achieves is to prevent you from moving forward and finding happiness somewhere else.

 

At least that's my first impression....Good luck in your healing.

[rapunzel]

I agree with FarthestEdge...and also that when you meet another woman that you do "click" with, your ex will become a memory and you will look back and wonder (and perhaps shake your head in amazement) about all the time you spent wondering/worrying/ruminating.

 

It's hard to contemplate this when you are in the middle of it. I am also in the middle of it, but I know from my experience that the above is true (at least for some or perhaps most people).

[supercalifragilistic]

Sometimes I think the same thing. That it will happen in time. That we are "meant to be". I hate thinking this, but I can't help it because I love him so much, it's hard to let go.

 

My ex even said a few things which did nothing to kill my hope, much to the contrary. He said, when he broke up with me, that he could see us being very happy together "in the future", but he knew that it would be really hard for us until then and that he wouldn't be happy. Whatever that's supposed to mean, I was not aware he had any psychic abilities to be able to state that with such certainty what will or won't happen, but whatever!

 

I guess the best thing really is to move on and assume it's over. If it really is meant to be, then it will be, won't it? I know it's easier said than done, I'm trying really hard to follow my own advice. What I'm trying to do now is improve myself, I'm reading lots of self help books, specially about relationships, and I'm just going to try to forget about him. If he does ever come back and I still think he is the right person for me, then maybe I'll take him back if I can trust him again. Either way, the self improvement will be useful.

[mr.mac]

I hear ya. I am meeting new people, plenty of them infact. Maybe its the reality that none of them have really made me hold my breath. The thing is I've broken up with girls before. I've had my heart broken before. But I've never got this gut feeling before. Maybe the fact that our connection was so strong for so long, and maybe the comforting idea of being with just her. Anyway I will continue my healing process, my way, and concetrate on me. If anything happens, well, we'll put that down to fate!!

 

And I should also point out that I think you are doing just fine. It's not uncommon to think this way nor is it uncommon to meet new people and not be wowed by them. I went through my fair share of not so hot dates before I became comfortable with someone. You are on the right track, my friend. Just do yourself a favor and don't mistake these thoughts of what could be with false hope. I'd hate for you to be upset if you don't get a birthday card.

[Rob1000]

I agree with FarthestEdge...

me too!!

 

But there are times in runs deeper than this. But I agree, it's easier to sit in comfort with thoughts of my ex than it is to face the cold reality that I am alone and not with her any more, facing the unknown life that is ahead of me. I cannot wait til she is but a distant memory, just like the rest of my exes.

[supercalifragilistic]

I agree with FarthestEdge...and also that when you meet another woman that you do "click" with, your ex will become a memory and you will look back and wonder (and perhaps shake your head in amazement) about all the time you spent wondering/worrying/ruminating.

 

It's hard to contemplate this when you are in the middle of it. I am also in the middle of it, but I know from my experience that the above is true (at least for some or perhaps most people).

 

I'm counting the days until I'm able to feel this. I'm sure there's someone more compatible with me out there, but it's the thought that I won't be able to love them as much that sets me back. I find it hard to love someone else that much and to find someone who I can connect to as well as with him. I'd gladly take the incompatibilities and compromise to have that kind of love. But maybe I can have both and don't even know it. I guess I have no way of knowing, because he was my only boyfriend and the only person I have ever loved.

[LillyLooWho]

I think you have accepted pretty well that you two are over and you have moved on quite a bit but there is a part of you that longs for her. You could be 99% over her but that 1% doesn't really want to let go. That is the part that keeps hope alive even when you know it is better in a lot of ways that you move on. Man, I hate that part!

[Rob1000]

I'd hate for you to be upset if you don't get a birthday card.

I'd be very surprised if I didn't get one. Firstly, she'll hate that we haven't been on speaking terms since August plus if she doesn't send one it means she's still upset with me and wants to get at me. She's not like that so I'll be expecting one. To be honest, it'd probably be better in the long run if she didn't send me one.

[Tony in Phoenix]

Let it go Rob and move on. Trust me on this one. You are broken up for a reason. Best of luck.

[JonasWaingaro]

You're nuts!! lol Oh okay, no you're not. I get that feeling a lot. Like you, I have zero reason for it - NC from her, etc. Who knows why those thoughts come up. The future truly is unwritten I suppose. Good thing is you're gettin' on with life and doing well! That's the important part. Never know, maybe that positive vibe will channel to her one day. Maybe it'll be to someone 100x better. The universe likes them positive vibes so keep it out there, and see who comes 'a callin'!

[NeenaN]

I believe its because you know you had a perfect time with that person and you want that to happen again. And we are humans, we all live in hope that the best things will repeat and come to us again and bad things wont happen ever again.

Its nothing unnatural in the wish good things repeat again and again.

and love isnt just love. It includes millions other things.

[waveseer]

Because everyone ends up with their loved ones sooner or later, spirit is eternal.

[mr.mac]

I'd be very surprised if I didn't get one. Firstly, she'll hate that we haven't been on speaking terms since August plus if she doesn't send one it means she's still upset with me and wants to get at me. She's not like that so I'll be expecting one. To be honest, it'd probably be better in the long run if she didn't send me one.

I get what you are saying (and I hope you are right), but the fact that you are expecting one from her is what worries me. Once you break up with someone you sort of lose the right to expect anything from them. I guess you have to ask yourself if she doesn't send one will she, in fact, be successful at getting at you?

[Rob1000]

I get what you are saying (and I hope you are right), but the fact that you are expecting one from her is what worries me. Once you break up with someone you sort of lose the right to expect anything from them. I guess you have to ask yourself if she doesn't send one will she, in fact, be successful at getting at you?

Ok, I'm not expecting a card in the same way that I have a right to one, if you get me. But I'd be surprised if I didn't get one, more so! No I don't think it would bother me too much if I didn't get one. If she doesn't send one, it will be on purpose, not that she's forgotten or just doesn't care. I know this girl too well!! And I don't think she would be successful in getting to me. And as I said, it'd probably be better if I didn't get one, because then I wouldn't have to reply to her and re-open lines of communication for her.