Intimidated by her beauty, 2 dates in; now what??

[device04]

So I met this girl online, she is an absolute 10, and absolutely hilarious. We spoke on the phone for about 45 minutes after exchanging a couple e-mails. It felt like I was catching up with a long-lost friend, as we just told stupid stories and laughed the whole time. We ended up making tentative plans for Sunday (two days later). We text a little during the day Saturday, and I call her Saturday evening (as promised) to finalize things, but end up leaving a VM. Don't hear back. Next day I send her a playful text and she says she's gotten caught up with a friend. We do make plans for dinner and I see her that night for dinner. Again, lots of laughs and free-flowing conversation. I ask to see her again and she agrees.

 

So, I wait 2 days and call her on Tuesday. Again, she doesn't pick up and I leave a voicemail, saying that I got tired of waiting for her to call me and wondering if she'd like to have drinks on Thursday. Wednesday evening I'm stuck at work and I get a text from her asking if I want to grab dinner. I can't get away but we end up meeting for a drink late night. Good signs again as she willingly meets me in midtown at 10pm (she lives way downtown, I live uptown) and she looks AMAZING, as she literally stops the conversation of a group of guys outside the lounge as she crosses the street to meet me. We have a great time, conversation is easy, she's leaning in and playing with her hair the whole time. As we make our way out she says she had fun and that "we should do this again soon". I had told her about this fundraiser I'm going to tonight, but was waiting for more details from a friend. She tells me to text her when I find out. My only regret is I didn't make more of a move than a hug, but I'm generally cautious/less aggressive about these things anyway.

 

Thursday, I give her a ring and, surprise surprise leave a VM, tell her I have more details and that she should call me back. No contact from her since then. Should I call her again or text? I was thinking of sending a text with something like "hey, are you going to be my date to this event or what?" or just something light. It seems that she's interested and we have had a lot of fun, but I don't want to come off as too pushy and blow my chance with this girl.

 

Also, what do you do to get past the intimidation of being with someone who you (and most guys, it seems) find supremely physically attractive? She doesn't seem like someone who really wants/needs the attention but at the same time is certainly aware that she catches guys' eyes.

 

Thanks.

[sarahN]

Awwwwwwwwwwww. I love it all. Text her again, she may just be playing coy.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Leaning in, playing with her hair, making sure she never answers her phone calls when you call, making you wait a bit before she replies...yep, sounds like one of those ladies who has read those so-called "dating rules" and is following them to the letter! I think you have chased plenty..it is up to her now to contact you if she wants to go. Leave her be. If she is the type of woman who turns heads like that, she herself might have a very swelled head and makes men chase hard and wait. Let it go and let her get back to you on your offer.

[Casanova4life]

yes the ball is on her court. she already got a voicemail and you told her to call you back right? so chill for now. this is why i hardly ever date one girl at once.

[device04]

Thanks for the replies. I've decided to not send her any messages. I did try to get in touch and she knows I wanted her to come. I also feel that someone who probably gets a lot of attention, I don't want to overpursue as others probably do.

 

Also, what's the deal if she seems to enjoy text message as main style of communication? I know people say it's less personal and to show your true interest you should always call, but if she's initiating through text more (even if responding to my call) do you then use that, or still continue to call?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Ultimately, to get a relationship going you have to talk, not type. Text messaging is being abused like much of technology which was meant to make lives simple. Text messaging is great for simple communication of confirming plans or giving someone required information. However, people overuse and abuse it as a means to carry on superficial conversations where they really don't have to put their full attention on the other person. In short..no...text messaging should not be the prime method of communication between two people.

[ncnc]

I would say txt her that cute message!! She clearly prefers to communicate by txt, as I do! I am confident, as she seems to be but I do not like talking on the phone, much prefer txting, so I would make her feel comfortable and txt her. She is answering your calls via txt so clearly she prefers to txt!!

[device04]

Thanks for everyone's insights. At this point, the event has passed and never heard back from her. I still went and had a great time with friends. It wasn't a fancy fundraiser event but just at a lounge where drinks and cover went to charity.

 

Anyway, wondering how I proceed from here. Should I call/text her one last time to see if she wants to go out again, or just continue to leave the ball in her court?

[ncnc]

U clearly like the girl and u have nothing to lose so txt her asking her how she is and if she would like to get together soon!

[mustard1234]

Give it one more go because...you'd kick yourself for not at least knowing for sure, you know?

 

Good luck! If not, then I promise, the city is full of pretty women. But, you know this.

 

Keep us updated

[device04]

Update:

So I did as some of you suggested and texted her on Sunday night to ask how her weekend was and that I'd love to see her again soon. She texts me back on Tuesday to apologize for being out of touch but she just started her new job on top of going to school FT, so has been swamped and exhausted. Plausible, and I tend to give people benefit of the doubt, even though I know some people will say that it's not hard to just send a text to say hi or sorry can't make it, especially if you're interested in them. I think that argument is perfectly valid which is also why I'm being cautious with this one.

 

In any case, she had a foreign language poetry competition at school that she won yesterday. I had texted to ask how it was and she let me know, so I suggested we go out and "celebrate", she suggested "maybe tonight?". So we make plans for last night. She ends up pushing it back an hour (it was VERY cold and rainy in the area last night so she had to go home and change her shoes she says). We have dinner, and then go to a teahouse for dessert. Again, everything's great, chemistry is there (I think). We walk back to the subway together and I have my arm around her, she seems perfectly okay with it. We sit next to each other on the subway, I have to change first. She sticks out her hand daintily to shake my hand?! Now I'm confused and the overthinking begins.

 

So throughout this date (our third) I did my best to be more physical towards her (touch her on the shoulder, put my arm around her, etc) to show my interest in her. She seems perfectly okay with it. Is this someone who's just friendly like that and enjoys the attention that I give her? Is the handshake just a nervous act, being on a crowded subway she's unsure what to do? Both times we've had dinner she's had me order; I've never experienced this so not sure what to make of it? I think it's a great sign that she's willing to come out to see me on a COLD, rainy day even though she has to circle home first. Now, I'm not one of those guys that expects to get some/any action by the third date, but at the same time don't want to waste my time/effort/money if this isn't going anywhere. I know it's only the 3rd date so we're both obviously also still getting to know one another too, so maybe I just need to relax and let things happen?

[Day_Walker]

I think that you can be cautious and less aggressive all you want but the simple fact is that you have not made a move after 3 dates. I think at this point you should have at least went for a kiss. It seems to me that she is mirroring your actions as far as the end of the date salutations are concerned.

 

I think the situation is worth another date and go in for a kiss and see what happens.

 

When you date girls who are attractive (or at "10" as you put it) I think that you have to keep in perspective that even though she is attractive she is just a normal girl.

 

I always like to keep in mind this idea, now matter how attractive a girl is, there is a guy out there who is tired of her. This usually helps put things in perspective and you will stop giving a girl extra consideration just because she is attractive.

[Yates33]

Dude, enough of this. Go for it, what are you doing? She's going to see you as an insecure guy....THREE DATES AND NOTHING? Everyone here will try to be all "sweet" with you...but that's not going to help, bluntly put..THATS HORRIBLE. And stop texting her telling her how you want to see her again and you want her to be your date, have some fun...it looks like she likes you but is WAITING FOR YOU TO BE A MAN AND DO SOMETHING...I don't think you have much time left...STEP UP!!

[notsogood]

Dude, enough of this. Go for it, what are you doing? She's going to see you as an insecure guy....THREE DATES AND NOTHING? Everyone here will try to be all "sweet" with you...but that's not going to help, bluntly put..THATS HORRIBLE. And stop texting her telling her how you want to see her again and you want her to be your date, have some fun...it looks like she likes you but is WAITING FOR YOU TO BE A MAN AND DO SOMETHING...I don't think you have much time left...STEP UP!!

 

x2 to this! No kiss on first date = cool or sweet. Second date no kiss is like ok is he into me? Third date no kiss is like = you are almost friend zoned. Better man up and go for it on the fourth date if there is one. Hand shake is not a good sign

[Ms Darcy]

She is probably busy with school and dating other guys. I'm not sure where you stack up but you're not in last place (or in first).

[device04]

Thanks to the straight talkers. I hear what you're all saying, know I need to make a firm move, if I even get another date.

 

Then the question is: how do I go about getting the next date? I don't want to overpursue or seem overeager, or is that really no longer a concern at this point? She is working full-time now during the week, while also having classes Tu-Th during the day. Seems she's just very wiped getting used to the schedule she has now.

 

And then further, and this seems absolutely ridiculous to ask, how do you go about moving in for that kiss? Yes, I'm shy and unsure about this step. And also, pretty obviously, an overthinker.

[notsogood]

Thanks to the straight talkers. I hear what you're all saying, know I need to make a firm move, if I even get another date.

 

Then the question is: how do I go about getting the next date? I don't want to overpursue or seem overeager, or is that really no longer a concern at this point? She is working full-time now during the week, while also having classes Tu-Th during the day. Seems she's just very wiped getting used to the schedule she has now.

 

And then further, and this seems absolutely ridiculous to ask, how do you go about moving in for that kiss? Yes, I'm shy and unsure about this step. And also, pretty obviously, an overthinker.

 

She may be wiped out but if she cannot find one day to hangout with you then there is no point in pursuing it any further. Especially on the week-ends people will find the time trust me.

 

As for kissing umm at the end of the date try end it somewhere that is secluded then lock eyes for a while. If she stares back just go for it.

[Yates33]

She may be wiped out but if she cannot find one day to hangout with you then there is no point in pursuing it any further. Especially on the week-ends people will find the time trust me.

 

 

I agree. If a girl wants to see you and is worth your time, SHE WILL FIND THE TIME.

 

As far as the kiss, this is what works for me...I always go for it on the first date, its rare if I dont. Why? Because it sets the TONE. You find out, on the spot, at the moment, if she's into you or not. Usually a kiss means HELL YES. So its the end of the date, you should be lightly flirting/joking talking about the date and random stuff..you should make eye contact and then touch her. Ask her to see her hand, and comment on her nails or something about hand reading, point is your seeing if she's receptive to your touch...if she is and she is into it, she might want a kiss.

 

And this is my patent move..which they love, comment on and laugh about it..if she's into you, she'll love it. be like, "okay...well I guess this is it...I had fun" blah blah blah, go for a hug, and as she is pulling in or away from the hug just go for the kiss right then and there. THEY EXPECT IT. Dont ask, just go for it..just make sure you warmed her up beforehand.