I feel ugly and stupid.

[Cognitive_Canine]

He shouldn't feel bad either.

 

You are both being insecure.

[agent1607307371]

Stop reassuring him. You're both messing each other up more.

 

Nobody else can fix an insecurity. It's a problem with programming, you can't stick a plaster on it, you have to go in and fix the code.

 

 

OP, do you need to be in this relationship?

[Ugly Star]

He's a good guya side from that, I don't knwo i love him, I just feel so ugly and feel it's so unfair that he has the "holy right" to lust after these type of women, they give him something I never will. And I guess you people are right if I were with any other guy, it'd be the same thing. I just have to accept my ugly body and shut up about this issue. I just thought maybe he wasn't like other guys.

[Cognitive_Canine]

He's a good guya side from that, I don't knwo i love him, I just feel so ugly and feel it's so unfair that he has the "holy right" to lust after these type of women, they give him something I never will. And I guess you people are right if I were with any other guy, it'd be the same thing. I just have to accept my ugly body and shut up about this issue. I just thought maybe he wasn't like other guys.

 

What you need to do is stop hating yourself.

[Ugly Star]

But I'm not beautiful. And men like beautiful women. I'm not what men want.

[erase this face]

Keep basing your self worth on what others want you to be. Look how far that's gotten you already.

[Christiana]

you are not what Superficial men want. there are men that fal in love with you as a person, and you'll be beautul to them. I have seen MANY unnatractive women with men that love them. you're not any different.

[Cognitive_Canine]

you are not what Superficial men want. there are men that fal in love with you as a person, and you'll be beautul to them. I have seen MANY unnatractive women with men that love them. you're not any different.

 

And she seems to be with a guy who loves her.

[I_Speak_Jive]

He's a good guya side from that, I don't knwo i love him, I just feel so ugly and feel it's so unfair that he has the "holy right" to lust after these type of women, they give him something I never will. And I guess you people are right if I were with any other guy, it'd be the same thing. I just have to accept my ugly body and shut up about this issue. I just thought maybe he wasn't like other guys.

 

How ugly can you be, if you have a boyfriend who loves you and treats you well? Or do you honestly think he finds you ugly but he sucks it up and stays with you because of your awesome personality?

 

I think you'll find, if you really think about it, that the only person calling you ugly is yourself. He didn't call you ugly.

 

Once I told him a couple of friends and I found porn on another friend's computer and watched the video. He freaked out and started going on about how he has a small penis.

 

Oh for crying out loud. Ok, you know what, it's not only your fault. You both are just feeding each other's insecurities somehow and I don't know how old you two are, but I think either parental or professional guidance would be a good idea.

[hexaemeron]

But I'm not beautiful. And men like beautiful women. I'm not what men want.

 

Then I guess you should just give up on life and go be a crazy cat lady for the next 90 years until you die.

 

Or...

 

You could accept yourself for who you are, and love yourself. Do you really want to be another hollywood moron with a bobblehead, veneers and two grapefruit halves bolted to your chest like an aggressive brunch???

 

You have to find a way to make peace with yourself because no matter who you date, or if you stay alone, you will feel like this. No one can make you feel better about yourself. You do. And honestly, while your bf isn't a total 100% angel, you are being really unfair to him because there is nothing he could say to make you feel better.

 

Just make small changes to your attitude. Commit to them. Live them and believe them. Otherwise, you really will be miserable and you don't need to be.

[Ugly Star]

Do you really want to be another hollywood moron with a bobblehead, veneers and two grapefruit halves bolted to your chest like an aggressive brunch???

 

But that's what men like. If not, there wouldn't be a whole business, catering to men's tastes, featuring women like that.

 

And honestly, while your bf isn't a total 100% angel, you are being really unfair to him because there is nothing he could say to make you feel better.

 

If I had his ideal body type and he looked up pictures of girls with small breasts, then it honestly wouldn't be an issue. Once he showed me a porn site he supposedly visited. It was an amateur site, kind of like youtube. Girls there were normal, they had small breasts, real ones, they weren't perfectly skinny, etc. I was ok with that, I never gave him crap about that, he told me that's where he looked porn. That he thought of me while masturbating. Etc. Then he started visiting redtube and I felt a bit bad, but he said it was for the acts. Last night, for the first time, he admitted it wasn't for the acts.

[hexaemeron]

But that's what men like. If not, there wouldn't be a whole business, catering to men's tastes, featuring women like that.

 

 

If I had his ideal body type and he looked up pictures of girls with small breasts, then it honestly wouldn't be an issue. Once he showed me a porn site he supposedly visited. It was an amateur site, kind of like youtube. Girls there were normal, they had small breasts, real ones, they weren't perfectly skinny, etc. I was ok with that, I never gave him crap about that, he told me that's where he looked porn. That he thought of me while masturbating. Etc. Then he started visiting redtube and I felt a bit bad, but he said it was for the acts. Last night, for the first time, he admitted it wasn't for the acts.

 

I said this to you months ago and apparently it still needs repeating. This isn't a competiton between your boyfriend's attention and these girls. It's with you and the self image you have where it you aren't this, then you're nothing. And that's a fallacy of epic proportions. Not all men like _____. You can't even say all men like vagina because, Hi, I'm gay and I wouldn't touch it to kill it.

 

Men, just like women, do come with all manner of interests and tastes. But because you're punishing yourself for not being some impossible fantasy, you're going to ruin every relationship you will ever have.

 

You're punishing your boyfriend because your self image is broken. Is that his fault?

 

At the end of the day, there are no do overs in life. This is the only life, the only body, the only chance you will ever have to be happy, ever. Instead of whining and complaining about everything you're not, why don't you champion everything you are? The things that you do bring to the table.

 

And if you can't do that, you honestly have no business being in a relationship because it's not a partner's job to prop you up so you feel like a human being.

[agent1607307371]

Ugly Star, you really need to get into some therapy. Seriously.

 

As long as you think you are ugly you will be ugly. No matter how gorgeous someone is on the outside, when they're eaten up with things like this, they are unattractive.

[Christiana]

post a picture of yourself. i doubt you're ugly...

[I_Speak_Jive]

Ugly_star (it's so weird calling you that, I think you need a nicer screen-name!), from your other threads you come accross as an incredibly sweet and nice girl who certainly doesn't deserve the hard time that you are giving yourself.

 

We can go around in circles forever and continue this thread the way it's been going so far: us telling you "there's nothing wrong with the way you look" and you replying "yeah but pornstars have big breasts". Yes, they do. Huge ones. Huge FAKE ones that, combined with their impossibly minuscule waists, are bound to give them a lot of back problems at some point. But yes, they are massive and straight guys seem to rather enjoy looking at them.

 

Nothing you can do about that.

 

What you can do, however, is take a good look at this. There is nothing more unattractive than an insecure, whiney blob who terrorises her boyfriend into telling her she's the hottest woman alive every minute of their time together. There is nothing more attractive than a confident, fun girl that takes care of the way she looks, moves right, talks right and oozes sex appeal.

 

We have told you several times already that porn is a fantasy. You say:

 

But that's what men like. If not, there wouldn't be a whole business, catering to men's tastes, featuring women like that.

 

They like breasts. You have breasts. You're good to go.

 

There is an emerging business catering to women's tastes (manufacturing them, more like) that portrays men as chocolate-tablet-abs-carrying, puppy-holding hunks of meat. Now picture your boyfriend flipping out on you because you are flicking through a magazine and pause a little too long on an ad with one of the aforementioned shirtl..ess... hmmm... *snaps out of it* shirtless guys. Imagine him nagging you and pestering you and bullying you into telling him that NO, you absolutely do NOT find guys like that attractive WHATSOEVER. Now rinse and repeat until your eyes start rolling back in your sockets and you have lost every ounce of respect you had for him, who has now turned into... an insecure, whiney blob.

 

It's all a bit embarrassing, isn't it?

 

There are TONS of things you can do to make you feel more confident with the way you look. A new nice haircut is always a good one -it's not so expensive and it'll make you look at yourself in an entire different way. Getting fit is another one. Try some new clothes if you are feeling a bit frumpy in your old ones. A new perfume. You can do loads of little things that will turn you, Ugly_star, into a sex goddess in no time. If you don't believe me, give it a go and get back to us. You'll see.

 

But STAY AWAY FROM THE PORN OBSESSION. You are thinking about pornstars and breasts far more than your boyfriend is. The whole porn thing is a circus. A charade. It's just for fun. It's not real. I'm repeating myself.

[Christiana]

And she seems to be with a guy who loves her.

I guess we have different definitions of love.

[Ugly Star]

 

 

well stuff like this certainly doesn't help, especially for a breast cancer ad.

 

 

 

But I get what you all say... well I live in Latin America, where exagerated curves are appreciated in an exagerated fashion... sigh... it's just I hate that it's people that have created these high, unreachable expectations (for both men and women, in different aspects), just to make money and that's CRUEL!!! I hate how society thinks all this brainwashing is OK, just for the sake of the Almighty dollar... haha, I'm sounding like a commie, but I'm not, nothing wrong with them, but lol.

[Capricorn3]

But I'm not beautiful. And men like beautiful women. I'm not what men want.

How do you explain that he's with you for the past THREE YEARS then?

[Jd1983]

You need to stop putting yourself down all the time. If your boyfriend didn't love you, he would not have been with you for the past 3 years. If he didn't love you, he would not have to constantly reassure you when you're feeling negative about yourself. I have self-esteem issues just like you, but I don't constantly put myself down because it's not healthy. I want bigger breasts too, but I'm not going to get surgery and my boyfriend finds no need for me to do so. To be honest, from all the problems that you seem to be having, it's pretty shocking to see that your boyfriend could tolerate you for that long. Why would he do so? Cause he LOVES YOU! Sometimes I put my boyfriend through hell, but I know he's with me because he loves me. You need to realize the same thing. If you constantly posts negative things about yourself, and we are still trying to assure you that you're wrong, take a moment and think how your boyfriend would feel like when he is with you? No one is perfect. You're insecure and so is he. You need to find a common ground on solving your issues, because at this point in time - it won't get any better. Please realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you start believing that you're beautiful, you will be beautiful.

[Ihavetissues]

I have read all the post and think this one is spot on!

[Ugly Star]

Sorry I'd been away, I've been exercising, to lose a few pounds (I'm 5'5" and 136-138 lbs, want to get rid of my belly fat)... I still wish I had big breasts to go with my big hips, but I've been trying to divert my thoughts from that. I'm reading up philosophy stuff in my spare time to keep my mind busy, and have interesting things to talk about in conversations.

[hexaemeron]

Sorry I'd been away, I've been exercising, to lose a few pounds (I'm 5'5" and 136-138 lbs, want to get rid of my belly fat)... I still wish I had big breasts to go with my big hips, but I've been trying to divert my thoughts from that. I'm reading up philosophy stuff in my spare time to keep my mind busy, and have interesting things to talk about in conversations.

 

Good for you, babe! That is the best thing you can do. Channel your energies for positive growth.

[loulee]

Well I have small breasts and I am attractive and I havent even got a man.. so be grateful that you have both. Your esteem issues and your partners are seriously low...couple therapy would benefit you both enormously YOU WILL NOT BE able to change your inner outlook on your own...nor will he......I believe that both of you need to discover why your self body image perceptions and self esteem are so poor and thwarted,...these problems are like cancer they grow slowly and before you know it they become the whole foundation of your relationship,.. and conflicts. Co dependancy on each other will also ensure that you stay together even if your relationship becomes very very unhealthy..it is quite unhealthy now in some ways...You can rise above this with the right help and attitude. Dont go reading about phylosophical stuff so much... read about confidence building, esteem, positive thinking, healthy mind and body. type stuff...they also make good conversation and have a positive impact on both yourself and others. and change your name to bright star and you will start thinking of a shining new star not an ugly one,..we as people can project beauty in a thousand ways..discover yours. Im sure you have so many of them, but you have to believe in that for yourself..focus on having a personal growth period of becoming the new and always beautiful you...

[AshcakessxD]

Oh my god are you serious ? Trust me I've been threw that only different . I was with this guy his name is Christopher and we was only together for a few months . He wanted to change everything about me , my personality , the way I was , my friends , how I dress , how I act and I was like NO . That's who I am and you have to accept it . He didn't want to accept it so instead me a little girl and said I am childish, I'm little girl , I'm hoe and stupid things just to make me feel bad . I'm only 17 only had sex with one guy I was with for five years . . . I had a miscarriage with him and Christopher couldn't get over my past and I told him he was important . I ignored everything BAD he said about me cause I know it wasn't true . If I see how you look , I would say you pretty .

 

People are born DIFFERENT! Those girls you see in porn their boobs please those are fake ! all the wayyy !! . Their ass is fake . Your boyfriend is a FAKE . He just wanted to use you and at the same time say positive things for you could continue giving him the sex . If you don't feel right with him you can't make yourself stay with him at all . Is what your heart desires .

[B_Goodman]

The best sex of my life was with a girl with very small breasts. Being sexy is much more about what you do than what you look like. If you’re feeling insecure about how you look, there’s nothing to worry about. People love you for the totality of who you are, all the characteristics that make you you--anything from sense of humor to political beliefs to idiosyncracies to fashion sense. Not everyone in the world has a porn star body. I’d recommend you take an hour and think about all the positive things you have to offer the world. Do the best with what you have. If you’re lacking in any one quality, there are multiple others to make up for it.

 

You can improve your body, too, if you put in some smart work: diet and exercise can make you feel better about yourself (even if your breasts won’t get bigger).

 

I wouldn’t worry about the porn stuff. When I’m alone and bored, I masturbate. It’s a thing guys do. But I understand your jealousy. I wouldn’t want another guy’s naked body in my girlfriend’s head. All you can do is talk to him about it, though. I would recommend you talk to him in the following way: approach him calmly, sit him down, in a relaxed environment, set out for him what you want to talk about and why it’s important to you (that you feel insecure, that you feel ugly and stupid, etc.), and tell him you need his help. Make sure you don’t attack him, and allow him a chance to air his feelings, if he has any. The point of this is that you want him to help you feel better about yourself. So all you have to do is ask for help.

 

I’d say plastic surgery isn’t a good idea in your situation. If you were single and felt like you needed it to feel better about yourself, I couldn’t disagree. But if you’re doing it for another human being, you’re not going through the right thought processes, in my opinion.

 

I echo the sentiments of the above post: you are the only person on this thread who has said that you aren’t beautiful. You’d be surprised how much better you’d feel about yourself if you changed your name from Ugly Star and started considering yourself beautiful. I hope this helps you see what beauty really is: my ex-girlfriend was a Laker Girl, had DD breasts, etc.; my current girlfriend is very short, very small, and would probably lose a “beauty contest” to that Laker Girl. But my current girlfriend, to me, is 100 times more beautiful—no exaggeration—because I can’t separate her physical qualities from all the non-physical qualities that make her special to me. Stop calling yourself ugly; let people see the great things about you.