Giving it up too fast..?

[nvrgiveuplove2]

I have a quick question mainly for the guys but girls are welcome to answer.

 

Is there a time frame that a girl should wait to have sex with a guy...I ask because I have heard rumors that if a girl gives it up too quick then a guy wont respect her and then of course if we don't give it up then guys think we are not interested...confusing!!

 

What do you guys think?

[Puckdog27]

No time frame. When it seems and feels right.

[bebeblondie]

I'm not a guy but I think this the sort of thing that you have to do when it feels right to you. Like you said it's the type of thing where if you wait too long we're told guys will bail and if you give it up too quickly they'll think you do that with every guy.

 

That being said I don't think you should sleep with someone the day you meet them, because you should get to know someone before you sleep with them (unless your just in it for the sex) and you really can't do so in a day of meeting someone.

 

Also don't sleep with a man cause you think he expects it, sleep with him cause you want to and know that this can end at anytime and that if it does you won't regret sleeping with him.

[NowandZen]

 

Also don't sleep with a man cause you think he expects it, sleep with him cause you want to and know that this can end at anytime and that if it does you won't regret sleeping with him.

 

That is probably the best advice on the topic I have ever read.

[ackerman]

i think for the sake of the relationship its better to leave it till later on. it depends on the guys perception of things.

[DeviousDevil]

I have a quick question mainly for the guys but girls are welcome to answer.

 

Is there a time frame that a girl should wait to have sex with a guy...I ask because I have heard rumors that if a girl gives it up too quick then a guy wont respect her and then of course if we don't give it up then guys think we are not interested...confusing!!

 

What do you guys think?

 

In my experience girls are on their period the first night I meet them...

 

After a week, then the sexing can begin

 

If you're really, really attracted to each other then keeping clothes on for very long shouldn't be an option.

[tink0688]

I don't know if anyone watches the show Millionaire Matchmaker, but Patti has a good rule of no sex until you are in a committed monogamous relationship, unless it is just a one time hookup sorta thing. I think if the girl is up front about that then the guy has no reason to assume she is not interested.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm not trying to push your question aside. But, why is the question usually, "When will we have sex"?, instead of, "Will we decide to have sex"?

 

Just because you're dating someone, it doesn't mean that it's a requirement. What if you're not a good match, or just simply decide that you're not dating material?

[bebeblondie]

I don't know if anyone watches the show Millionaire Matchmaker, but Patti has a good rule of no sex until you are in a committed monogamous relationship, unless it is just a one time hookup sorta thing. I think if the girl is up front about that then the guy has no reason to assume she is not interested.

 

I love Patti! She has a new book out which is great. I think it's a must read for all single women.

[bebeblondie]

I'm not trying to push your question aside. But, why is the question usually, "When will we have sex"?, instead of, "Will we decide to have sex"?

 

Just because you're dating someone, it doesn't mean that it's a requirement. What if you're not a good match, or just simply decide that you're not dating material?

 

Well I think as a rule of thumb most people post these type sof questions once they've started entertaining the thought of having sex with the person they're dating.

 

There have been plenty of men I've dated that I never slept with.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I'm not trying to push your question aside. But, why is the question usually, "When will we have sex"?, instead of, "Will we decide to have sex"?

 

Just because you're dating someone, it doesn't mean that it's a requirement. What if you're not a good match, or just simply decide that you're not dating material?

 

I can't rep you for this so I will just applaud =D>.

There is no time frame for sleeping with someone..some men don't lose respect for a woman who sleeps with them right away and some men do lose respect for her, considering her trampy (while at the same time patting themselves on the back for being such stud!). The real point of the matter is expectations. If you sleep with someone before a committed relationship gets established, you should understand that it may or may not lead to a committed relationship, he may or may not call you back, he may be sleeping with others even though he claims not to be, he may drop you just like that if he loses interest, just like any kind of "just dating" situation and he wouldn't be a jerk for doing that...sleeping with someone when you are just casually dating does not grant you the same privileges and courtesies expected in a committed relationship...just like there are more perks and attention when sitting in first class vs economy class on a plane.

[HeartGoesOn]

Well I think as a rule of thumb most people post these type sof questions once they've started entertaining the thought of having sex with the person they're dating.

 

There have been plenty of men I've dated that I never slept with.

 

 

I understood the question quite well. My point is, that in many posts on here, that thought is entertained very early on.

 

Just my .02...and to each his own.

[bebeblondie]

I understood the question quite well. My point is, that in many posts on here, that thought is entertained very early on.

 

Just my .02...and to each his own.

 

I think it is a natural instinct to want to have sex with someone you are attracted to both physically and mentally, so I think most of us entertain that thought a lot sooner than we'd like to admit. In my opinion, the bigger question is when to act on it.

[HeartGoesOn]

Thanks...CAD. I totally agree!

[bexcelant]

It typically takes 3-4 months to get past the infatuation phase of a relationship. I think our divorce rate is over 50% because people didn't take the time to get to know their significant other before jumping in the sack and making it all about the sex. Nowdays it's sex first and then lets figure out if we're compatible later.

[DN]

I think anyone who asks variations on 'when should I give it up' should abstain until they realise that the time to have sex is when it is wanted by both people to the same degree. Sex is not a gift or something to be given or withheld - it should be something that is mutually desired and enjoyed.

[ghost69]

nope, no time frame.

 

DN is right. if it doesn't feel right, you aren't ready.

[bebeblondie]

I think anyone who asks variations on 'when should I give it up' should abstain until they realise that the time to have sex is when it is wanted by both people to the same degree. Sex is not a gift or something to be given or withheld - it should be something that is mutually desired and enjoyed.

 

 

Ahh the voice of reason.

[grymoire]

I think anyone who asks variations on 'when should I give it up' should abstain until they realise that the time to have sex is when it is wanted by both people to the same degree. Sex is not a gift or something to be given or withheld - it should be something that is mutually desired and enjoyed.

 

yea, I second this..

 

OP, you should have sex with your BF because you feel like having sex with him and not for any other reasons. There is just so many threads here in ENA about women complaining that the guy slept with them and then disappeared. It sounds like they had sex with the expectation of getting something back in return.

[orchidrose]

This is kind of echoing other sentiments that have already been discussed in this thread, but my rule is:

1) When we both want it (i.e. NOT just him, which is a common problem),

2) When I'm comfortable with the fact that he might disappear after we do it (or at least I won't cry for days),

3) When it feels right.

 

I don't buy the committed monogamous relationship thing. I've slept with guys who have disappeared, and I've slept with guys who haven't. In my experience, sleeping together too soon isn't going to ruin anything. The guys who run are the ones you weren't compatible with, anyway.

[Batya33]

I think there is a greater risk of a relationship not working out when sex happens too quickly, for several reasons, most of which have been mentioned here - incompatible expectations of what the sex means or doesn't mean being the biggest one but also, if the sex isn't good, the couple doesn't have the foundation that comes with knowing each other over a period of time to hang in there and see if the problem can be worked out.

[orchidrose]

...but also, if the sex isn't good, the couple doesn't have the foundation that comes with knowing each other over a period of time to hang in there and see if the problem can be worked out.

 

While I definitely agree that this happens more often than not, this isn't always the case. I've been in situations where the sex started miserably, but we both liked each other enough to keep at it until it got better. Again, I think it goes back to the idea that anyone who runs away was not compatible with you to begin with.

[Batya33]

While I definitely agree that this happens more often than not, this isn't always the case. I've been in situations where the sex started miserably, but we both liked each other enough to keep at it until it got better. Again, I think it goes back to the idea that anyone who runs away was not compatible with you to begin with.

 

We agree that it doesn't always happen that way - I am talking about the risk and dereasing the risk. And I could not disagree more with the last bit - often early sex complicates things unnecessarily so that the person who runs would not have run had there been more time to get to know each other - one example is if the first time doesn't "work" for the guy, the two might not know each other well enough yet to talk honestly and comfortably about it the way they might have had they known each other better. Same with a pregnancy scare where the couple didn't discuss their views on what to do if that happened.

 

Or, whether fair or not, the fact that the woman had sex so early on turns off the man (and where the woman had sex because she wanted a commitment sooner and thought the sex would cement the bond - had both people waited, that dynamic would not have happened like that.)

 

I totally agree that if the woman's values justify casual sex and the man's values are more like the double standard, then it probably won't work out no matter when they have sex.

[bebeblondie]

 

Or, whether fair or not, the fact that the woman had sex so early on turns off the man (and where the woman had sex because she wanted a commitment sooner and thought the sex would cement the bond - had both people waited, that dynamic would not have happened like that.)

 

 

What defines "so early on"? Do you mean before it is established that they're in an exclusive relationship? After a couple of dates?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is kind of echoing other sentiments that have already been discussed in this thread, but my rule is:

1) When we both want it (i.e. NOT just him, which is a common problem),

2) When I'm comfortable with the fact that he might disappear after we do it (or at least I won't cry for days),

3) When it feels right.

 

I don't buy the committed monogamous relationship thing. I've slept with guys who have disappeared, and I've slept with guys who haven't. In my experience, sleeping together too soon isn't going to ruin anything. The guys who run are the ones you weren't compatible with, anyway.

 

Yes..but explain that to the many many posters on this forum who sleep with a guy before being in a committed relationship and then scream blue bloody murder because the guy stopped calling them, blew them off or used them as an FBuddy and then dumped them to go into a real relationship with someone else.