Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[sunshine34]

I am such a fool. last time I posted here I was in the same place that I'm finding myself in again, me looking for lost hope in the cracks. somehow finding it and pulling you out only to be heartbroken again because the hope was never there. this time your response was explicitly about other woman. the night before my surgery, I don't know how or why this was discussed then.. I guess because I wanted to know where you stood before having u go through this experience with me.. you said I don't know where I stand, what you want or where you are. I of course had to speak volumes for you to speak sentences or words.. I told you I would wait for you because my faith in you and us was so strong bc I believed after some time you would see what I did and believe in it. that there was a difference between knowing if it can logistically work and if you want it to.. you kept saying I don't know.. I hate this moment. the moment when everything we shared becomes a memory, even though it happened seconds before this conversation then and now are worlds apart and all of a sudden I don't know this man standing in front of me. this wordless piece of work. I ask you what the difference between what we have been doing and a label is? you tell me it's because you want the possibility of someone else, that you might want to see someone else in the future. I tell you that you are an *******, for putting superficial trivial connection possibility above the depth we have established. that there is someone practically begging me to be with him and the one I want can't even tell me he wants to try. I don't understand how you can pretend to be with me just as close as I am in our moments and then say these things to me.. you admit you are an ******* and things are awkward bc I have surgery tomorrow I'm staying at your place and I don't want to look at your disrespectful disgraceful face. I fall asleep alone and u come in and try to hold me. I wonder in these moments what your motive could possibly be? we fall asleep after I tell you I wish I never heard you speak then you tell me to forget about it. what just happened is the only thing I can remember and I forget everything else.. in surgery prep I am afraid and u take my hand all of a sudden I'm drugged and awake and there u are. stupid drugs get me to say I love you and somehow make u say it back.. we leave go to your place and I sleep while you do hmwk. I can hear your phone vibrating and I am angry .. you don't txt me back sometimes bc "your phone is on your bed" maybe there is another girl , maybe there is someone in particular.. you make me sick. I ask my brother to pick me up, I tell u I'm leaving at 8. it's 7. you come over to me around 720 and I am silent in realization I won't see you again and there's nothing to say. this is your fault, your decision your mistake. I cry while you hold me. you tear up. I tell you I won't bother you w the results bc you won't be there either way.. you say something that ends in okay. I cry some more and tell you the worst part is there's nothing I can do.. I've done it all. you say something I can't remember exactly asking like you would or something and I say it's not fair I was being the perfect girlfriend and it wasn't enough and I don't deserve this. me loving and giving u all I have and you not even knowing if you want to see other people. you say you are sorry and something along the lines of I deserve better. you start crying hard and I tell you the most hurtful part is you were in love w an illusion w the fake me and now that u know me and my realness you want nothing to do w it. you tell me the fake me is the reason we broke up and I tell you at least you knew you wanted to be with her an not other people. maybe the real me wasn't as interesting or dynamic.. that the entire reason I became that person was bc of jerks who hurt and cheated on me but now even someone who was a nice guy can't appreciate this person. you tell me there's nothing wrong w me and u wish u could change the way you feel. I am defeated and all I can do is cry bc u really made me feel like who I am isn't enough rather the games and the illusion is more fulfilling. loyalty and honesty are boring. demanding superficial things and making it harder for you to love me is what lasts the test of time.. how could you turn into every other superficial ***** I ever dated? we broke up bc u didn't like that and couldn't handle that about me but now look at you, you dirty scum bag. I ask you what do I need to change what am I missing? not for you but for the future, for me. you say nothing. this is also heartbreaking, not only can u destroy me but you don't even have the balls to tell me what you need that I couldn't give you. I can **** you like a pornstar,best sex you've ever had (your words), cook you 3 course dinners, go to your stupid soccer games which is ducking immature for a 26 year old to still be doing, stay home and watch movies w u, not mind that u study incessantly and have no time for me, always be there and support you , laugh at your jokes and make u laugh. not care that every other guy I go out w treats me like a princess and you don't what the hell am I not giving you? what kind of fembot do you need? one that doesn't feel? that doesn't have emotions? well I bet she won't caress your ego either. I tell you if you find someone like the old you to call me and I'll set you up w someone just as superficial and surface level interesting as the old me. I am in your elevator ad you hold me. we linger in a goodbye hug for a long time w tears, I say I love you bc I know I'll never say it again and it's how I feel. you say you love me too and even though I know you don't mean what I just meant, it was comforting.. I kiss you goodbye and go home. today you ask how I'm feeling I say in pain and sad you , you say I've been much better studying now. I say but this is a flashback.. a week ago almost exactly the same conversation ensued and then you let me coerce you into saying you wanted to try. this time I won't do that. bc I know better. I might be insane for you, but I won't be insane for me anymore. I can love you with everything I have and give you everything and it still won't be enough bc you are the one w something u can't give. I can't make u want this or feel this or recognize you are missing out bc u don't value me or my values truly. dogging myself out for a dog is lack of self respect. you want hos, go do it. I need to let you go, my heart is just broken for you

[sunshine34]

I have lost nothing because you gave me nothing. all you did was take from me. maybe you gave me your time, but even then all the moments that we apparently shared , we didn't. it was just me in them. even the moments I have not lost because I never had them. I never would have them. I've gained opportunity for love, all encompassing, reciprocal love. something you wouldn't know anything about. deep, real, visceral love not superficial connection and conversation or someone to just pass time with. no. a real man, a real lover who wants a family with me not a girlfriend who continually loves and showers him for nothing in return. you don't deserve me.

[iam42]

that pedestal beneath your feet is crumbling. people mistakenly believe that someone who adores you always will. not true, my friend. the best thing about getting over you is knowing you will never be able to make me feel pain again...

[IAmFCA]

hey you. it's been fun chatting by fb but as usual, when I ask you to be introspective you clam up. you said you wish you knew how to do more. you were glad you made me happy, that you knew you " sorta suck". but you don't. I have you my thoughts, you observed I am wise.

 

now step up little man. use your brain, so powerful, to respond.

 

or maybe they flew home without you and now you are not alone? who knows. you are weird sometimes.

 

and yes,I note that the race was not mentioned. I will not mention it. you will not mention it. I know you wanted to connect with me tonight. what's up with you.

[einsteins_girl]

I felt more profoundly this week that you were slipping away from me, and I sought out any evidence of your continued existence. Any evidence at all that you were still walking and talking and breathing. When I couldn't find any, I started to get desperate, so I quietly asked God or the universe or whoever to give me something, anything, so I could feel a moment of connection to you again. Not even an hour later, I got that something, and it made me weep. And now I feel empty. Because, in the end, it was fleeting, wasn't it? And it doesn't make you any less gone.

[Alone Now]

What is wrong with you? What is it about me that makes you feel like you can come and go as you please? Why don't you understand that I love you unlike anyone else I have ever loved. I am now in a depression because you come and go. I feel like I want to throw up every morning when i don't hear from you.

[IAmFCA]

my favorite and most distracting line of the week, about you being out on a date

 

"A date? Hahahahaha! If I had such time and patience, I would be spending it with you, goof!"

[Alone Now]

Everything I do reminds me of you. I can barely watch TV right now. Everything.

 

It hurts so much right now, I can barely get up and function. I don't know why I allowed myself to fall in love with you. You have your woman and I am spending countless hours waiting for my phone to ring, knowing that it won't ring anytime soon because of the woman.

 

God I hate you and love you all at the same time.

 

I would give up everything to be with you sans my little man and even now I'm losing concentration with him because I want to be with you, see you, touch you and kiss you. But this is all just a game to you isn't it? Give a little attention and draw back. It is how it has always been and I can't keep getting my hopes up for those few moments when you pay attention to me.

[chamachama]

The crazy thing is that I "think" I might have found someone. She is freaking awesome so far and all the things that I like about you (only better) and non of the things I don't.

 

Guess what? I STILL don't want you in my life anymore. Why? Well, you're simply not good enough to be in my life as anything else other than an fwb. Watching you flirt and slink around with other men so that they follow you around is pathetic. You can't live without your so called "friends" hanging on your every word in the hopes that you allow them into your pants one day. And if you think for a second that they will still be there for you once they realize you wont be opening your legs to them you are SADLY mistaken. They will find real girlfriends and wives who will take one look at you and tell them "either you stop talking to her or we are done" and that will be the end of your horde of fake friends who want to f you.

 

Oh and that 26 year old little boy you showed me the pic of? He wants to F you and nothing more. Guarantee. He goes clubbing and hangs out with his little pals and he will brag to them about how he's nailing a super hot and wealthy mid 30s chick. And once your cheeks sag a bit more, and he gets sick of paying for you everywhere you go and sick of you treating him like a toy and never letting him in..... and the hotties his own age look better and treat him better you will be tossed aside like yesterdays bagels.

 

Lol you told me he is a house head like you. He goes clubbing blah blah blah. What do you think will happen once mid 30s turns to late 30s? Here is a little secret you might not be aware of. No hot nightclubs want a 40 year old lady running around their dance floor no matter how nice her fake boobs are. So your time is running out there narcissistic one. Better enjoy this while you can because you my dear are going through "the change" whether you like it or not.

 

And the man who would have walked through fire and back for you. The guy who did nothing but want you to take him seriously while you played with him like he was a toy. The guy who whisked you off to a lux hotel for an awesome ski weekend and spent the entire time holding your hands and teaching you to ride a board....the guy who you have been incredibly intimate with for the better part of two years....the guy who loved you regardless of how you look or who you are.... He will be what he is right now.... GONE FROM YOUR LIFE FOR GOOD.

 

Bye now.... good luck with ALLLLL of that!

[stepsinthesand]

I met someone today that reminded me of a much older version of you. He had the same accent and mannerisms as you. He was lecturing us on something, but of course I couldn't concentrate on a word he said. I remembered how it felt to be held by you and laugh and joke around together. I remembered the way that you used to kiss me when you left for work - each time as if you were leaving me for months rather than a few hours. More torture for myself, so no change there. I remembered how much I loved you, how there could be no one as loyal to you as I was, and how I would have walked over coals for you. I hope you are happy with your new girl, glad that it only took you 10 days to find my replacement, it must have been a challenge for you.

[Alone Now]

This is probably the most difficult day I have had concerning you MW. I hate myself for constantly breaking NC with you. What is this pull? What is it about you that I can't seem to get over? I know I will never find the true love if I am constantly being draw to you. I even broke up my friendship with J because you told me to and that has me very confused as to this "power" you have with me.

 

I will see NG, but right now I wish I were dead.

[Alone Now]

The one lesson I have learned from MW is that I would rather deal with the loneliness than with the heartache.

[Alone Now]

I saw this from another post and it fits PERFECTLY into my situation!

 

As much as I don't like to think of it that way.....well, maybe a little bit.....lol But do you know, the most powerful and controlled thing you can do right now is to LET him think he has the control and power while you walk away and don't look back. YOU know better than that, YOU know YOU are the one who is really in control of YOU, so you can walk away with your head held high.

 

This IS your control and power! You are CHOOSING not to see him anymore, he cannot treat you badly anymore because you are not going to ALLOW him. Your power is to be the best person you can be for yourself and the best mom you can be for your kids. When you present yourself to the rest of the world as a respectful, strong woman and mother, you will attract respectful, strong people to you....yes, respectful, strong men, maybe a single dad..... But don't do it for that reason, do it for you and for your kids!

 

The other thing you are in control of is having a support group of friends and family. Take the next year off and decide you are going to be single for awhile while you become stronger. I don't know how close you are with your mother, but you should start trying to be around other strong women, maybe a single mother's group through the church or Y? Maybe there is some sort of mentoring group, and if it's available, maybe you can even go to some counselling sessions to work on your self-esteem.

 

There is a lot of good in the world, you just have to let go of the dirtbags who keep you from finding them

[sunshine34]

this weather is fitting to my mood, its raining and dreary just like how I am on the inside right now.. I know you aren't the guy I want in my life because no matter what I do you won't treat me correctly. That doesn't alleviate all of the symptoms I have from loving you. I'm still in a phase of confusion , the anger has subsided, the sadness is probably coming. I just dont understand how you could be so present in our moments, cry with me, tell me you loved me back, and then tell me you are nto sure if you will want to explore other options in the future. It makes me sick. I didn;t think you were that kind of guy, but I;m starting to think you are just like all the other dbags and man hos I used to date. I guess none of it matters anymore. No matter what I did for you, I could have built a building for you and you would still be telling me you didnt know and you were confused. It's not worth it, I just wish my heart would give up on having love for you like yours has decided to give up hope of us together. you are such a jerk.

[neiu2121]

It has been 30day of NC. You havent contacted me. It really says it all....Its sooo hard for me.

[kz91]

I saw a picture of you on Instagram, that's why I've had a rubbish night. You looked so different but you still looked so beautiful, with your glasses and pale blue eyes. The girl I saw in the picture is different to the girl I knew, I don't know who you are anymore, the old you is gone, you changed. I still miss you and I still love you, not like I did before but I still do. I'm getting over you and it feels so good because I never thought I could be this happy without you. I thought without you, I'd die, not once did I think I'd be happy and I thought that I would never fall out of love with you, but I did, a long time ago. I don't hate you, but I hate you so much for what you've done to me. You weren't supposed to be the first person to break my heart, you were supposed to be the one who would never break my heart.

 

I still care about you so much, I still wonder how you're doing and I hope you're doing okay and I hope that you're happy, no matter what. I would never wish harm on you, I could never do that. You broke me but I could never see you hurt, even though I know I hurt you. I now know this is how it was always meant to be, you weren't mine after all, and I wasn't yours. How could you be mine when you belonged to someone else? I thought you were my soulmate, but I guess not.

 

I love you baby, always. Never forget that.

[loveandlive]

24 hours since I last spoke to you. You've been reaching out all day texting how much you love me, miss me, how sorry you are. Nothing you say will erase the images I have of you and that girl, at the resort planned for us right down the road from me and 3 hours from you (nice of you to drive a long way and not only not reach out to me, but meet another girl there), the day after you broke up with me. The strangest thing is the first picture I saw of "her", you took of her looking out at the water, so it was her back... do you remember taking that same exact photo of me at that resort? I looked at the photo, immediately thinking it was me, until I realized I didn't have those pants and she looked a tad bit heavier than me. The following pictures were you two smiling looking happy at the bar on the beach right next door, where you and I walked over to to have a few drinks and had such a great conversation by the ocean. Did you forget that already? No you didn't because we just talked about it last weekend when we were together, about how great that weekend was. Then the last photo I saw was you two kissing at this bar... and that's the one that left me shaking, feeling numb and almost about to break down in front of everyone around me. It took one day for you to replace me.

 

You're disgusting and selfish. You tell me all you two did was kiss, but is that really the whole truth? Doubt it. You've taken so much from me. I wish I left you after the first lie I caught you in involving your ex. Do you even realize how you have a sick problem? I seriously think you're a pathological liar. You've completely broken my heart

[IAmFCA]

Honestly, B, I or we went through a whole nother round of realizing that we are not in the same space right now. I am going to let you go, in increments, and you are going to lose me. I don't want that to happen, because you still are under my skin in the biggest way. but we are not meant to be together, at least not who we are now.

 

I went on a great date last night. he is balanced, disciplined, smart, handsome, kind. he turns me on, yes, and I would like to see what comes off it. my girls prefer him to you as a partner for me/us. my girls think you are incredibly fun and they enjoy you but they miss that level of intimacy or realness that others offer.

 

my girls are right. I am right. I like him.

 

Still, the attraction we developed was like a force field. made it seem like we should be together, even though we shouldn't. and here you are, me letting go of you again, another layer deeper.

[Doc Blaze]

Days like today i have mixed feelings and i dunno how i am really feeling. All the concerts that your going to this year that we used to go together..knowing ur going with ur friends and im not going at all kinda puts a damper on my day.....trying not to think about it too much

[IAmFCA]

Ok. I get it, you won't even go on fb, either to help me let go or help yourself let go or for some other totally unknowable reason. This is just silly. You should just ask me out, step up and make something of it. I know that you think of me all the time, I know that you keep tabs on what is going on with me, I know that it bugs you that someone else might take me out, I know that you have let me go, as I you, in many ways but not really. We never broke up under our own weight, we just broke up for lack of moving forward. I find that so weird.

 

Meanwhile, I am now crushing on that guy you thought I had dropped, and I am wondering how to make him fall.

 

He is level headed, he is not so easy to topple.

 

I need to not be thinking about any of this. THAT is the real issue.

[Alone Now]

MW: You used me again last night and I feel like dirt. How is it that I so freely allow you in and out of my life? You made me a promise and you so far have refused to keep that promise. I will continue to see the NG even though I will never ever love him the way that I love you. It's just sick is all it is. I can't even think about any relationship with NG until I am settled with you. I might well be all things that people say I am, but I am also fair and leading NG on while I am still waiting on you to make a decision is not fair to the NG.

[IAmFCA]

And for the record, you did actually go on fb. You are so not over me, and you are so not claiming me either. I am so keeping you on a leash as well.

 

This is really stupid. I bet I cut the leash before you do, and I bet you will regret it. Oh well. In time, in time, all will show itself.

[Bonnie2014]

I was about to send the ex a text but then I remembered what a jerk he was before and after we broke up so erased what I wrote and decided to post here I'm proud of myself. It's been a week and almost two days nc, it's hard but worth it.

[Blue_Skirt]

I hope you have found another chocolate now that tastes better!

[Blue_Skirt]

O, I forgot something. It has been raining a lot recently and now the sun starts shining. So the grass is getting greener and greener again for you!