Rob1000 Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 There's always been something about NO CONTACT and ATTRACTION that has intrigued me. It involves your perception of your ex and also your ex's perception of you after they broke up with you. Dumper and Dumpee! The way I figure goes something like this. When your ex broke up with you, you instantly put your ex on a pedestal, up on say, Attraction Level 10. After all the submissive tears of self pity, in your ex's eyes, you instantly went down to Attraction Level 0. Now when we initiate NO CONTACT, it hurts like hell of course, but after a while (it varies obviously) these levels of attraction for one another start to change. There's a certain shift in the Attraction Scale, if you like. As far as your ex is concerned you have disappeared off the face of the earth. You're no longer the crying, whimpering ex they had no time for when the relationship ended. After a while, the mystery, intrigue and value you have placed on yourself starts to rub off on your ex and your level of Attraction in their eyes starts to move up the scale. On the opposite side, you have spent time healing, thinking everything through, where you went wrong, where your ex went wrong, and start to realise that they weren't really that perfect after all. The sudden extra value you placed on your ex when you lost them starts to dwindle and you start seeing things more clearly. Thus moving your ex down the Attraction Scale. Thus creating an equilibrium once again. This obviously isn't set in stone and doesn't mean your ex will come calling back, but when we lose someone we love dearly, our egos are badly damaged. I've often found this kind of positive thinking quite helpful, believing that every day of NC that passes, I become a little more attractive in my ex's eyes, simply because I have placed a value on myself that he/she cannot afford. And we all want things we cannot afford. This doesn't apply to every situation obviously, but it might help one or two struggling daily with NC. Here's to positive thinking folks Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I don't think this applies to ex spouses. Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 I don't think this applies to ex spouses. Its just a generalisation really. Just trying to promote some positive feelings around the board for those struggling with NC. Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Its just a generalisation really. Just trying to promote some positive feelings around the board for those struggling with NC. I'm sorry. Link to comment
mgirl Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I actually think this is 100% true! Well, i want to believe it anyway . I am going to hold on to it anyway, esp. the day by day thing. Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 How does this work if the attraction never waned to begin with? I mean where there were insurmountable problems in the relationship that had nothing to do with attraction. Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 How does this work if the attraction never waned to begin with? I mean where there were insurmountable problems in the relationship that had nothing to do with attraction.It's not a solution to anything. It just a train of thought that may help those who's egos have been damaged after their exes broke up with them. Making them feel a little better about sustaining NC. That's all. Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 It's not a solution to anything. It just a train of thought that may help those who's egos have been damaged after their exes broke up with them. Making them feel a little better about sustaining NC. That's all. I've never felt good about NC with someone I was still attracted to. What helped me most was realizing how much damage the relationship was doing to me. Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I agree with your analysis . . . . I've always found it ironic, though, that I'm more attractive now that I've disappeared than I was when I was actually around. Not sure what that says about me! And it makes me wonder whether the attraction will still be there if I'm ever back in his life again . . . Just kidding (sort of). Link to comment
BlueRizla Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I think its life's natural re-balancing act. The dumper and the dumpee are too extreme for life so things end up heading somewhere towards the middle. Obviously if there are major deal breakers it may not happen but with the natural ebb and flow of life and non extreme personalities I think your generalisation is a good one. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 my experience has been by the time the ex comes back, i have moved on and am no longer interested!!!!! (and no, my exes didn't take months to come back, they took years!!!!!!!! Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I think the initiator becomes not attracted to the partner before they actually break-up. And I think it absolutely applies to some ex-spouses, too. Not all, but some. I happen to know that I'm more attractive than I've ever been. My confidence is soaring. People tell me I'm actually glowing. But my heart is crushed. I keep smiling and have initiated LC (we have kids, still have a house together). Everytime he sees me he tells me how spectacular I look. I just smile and thank him for the compliment, then get right back to the business of house, kids, and finances, as if it doesn't make my heart soar each time I hear it. Link to comment
allgood Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 thanks rob that post made me better....nc is hard but yeah that gave me more reason to stay that way Link to comment
jess2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Thankyou Rob, you post had made me feel much better...sometimes i wonder whether i did the right thing for intiating NC (11 months now btw), but then i think NC is the best thing i have ever done for myself..there was a time when i needed to stand up for my self and NC was the best solution to avoid further emotional trauma....... i hope my ex founds me more attractive now.....although i don't want him back...but i guess it'll be good for my ego Link to comment
mellow Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Does this work in a long distance (ex) relationships? haha.. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.