tihash Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 We broke up 8/15/09. We were together 3.5 years. I'm 32 and she is 28. She met someone else, starting spending all kinds of time with him (over a one week period and telling me she was home sick with the flu), and I found out about it just before she was going to dump me for him. But I dumped her first. Until now, last text from her was that she will always love me, maybe one day we will meet again, I will find the perfect girl out there for me, etc. Then no contact for about 10 days. Friday I get this text from her: "Please don't reply to this text. I just wanted to let you know I miss you and that I am hurting." I didn't reply. Why would she send something like that? Link to comment
jettison Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 ... because the new guy, who was just a fantasy before she started sleeping with him, turned into a non-fantasy real person, with real problems, real hangups, and real issues. And suddenly, not only is she no better off then she was when she was with you, but she now also has to live with losing the person that's been closest to her for the last 3.5 years. Stay NC. Link to comment
Kalika Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Ditto what Jettison said. She misses you because new guy wasn't so special after all. If he was, you never woulda gotten that text. Stay strong and NC! "This too shall pass..." (and "there are plenty of other fish in the sea..") Link to comment
jennyy Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Yeah, I agree. She sees she messed up. Keep your chin up! Link to comment
lady00 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Yup...she wants to mess with your head cause she's not happy or she wasn't happy in the moment that she sent you that message. Link to comment
DN Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Eww - I hate it when people are as self-absorbed and selfish as this. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I agree with the others. Stay NC. Chin up. Good luck. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 People make genuine mistakes....maybe she regrets it and has made a mistake, is that so bad? I dont know enough about your situation to make any proper judgements though..... Link to comment
lady00 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 People make genuine mistakes....maybe she regrets it and has made a mistake, is that so bad? I dont know enough about your situation to make any proper judgements though..... While that's certainly true, this text message is not an admission of fault. It's not apologizing to him and asking him back. It's offloading her feelings while saying "don't contact me." Link to comment
starlight40 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 While that's certainly true, this text message is not an admission of fault. It's not apologizing to him and asking him back. It's offloading her feelings while saying "don't contact me." Hmm, i know what you mean but i dont buy the whole "dont contact me back" thing, not right but ive actually done that myself before and if im honest i wanted to get a rise..... Link to comment
littlestar Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 So it's ok for her to voice her feelings but tells you not to do the same by not replying? She sounds like she wants her cake and to eat it to. Trouble in paradise already! Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Stay NC bud. If she wants it badly enough, she'll let you know. Link to comment
mad rabbits Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Agree with the others, but just to play devil's advocate, I've played her tactic before. It wasn't to deprive the other of a right of reply, it was to protect myself from the "no-reply" I was likely to get. I could convince myself they didn't reply not because they just didn't care anymore, but because I asked them to, and same time offload how I felt. It doesn't change the picture though. She did what she did and you are right to remain NC. Link to comment
KiNo Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Seriously brother, if you break your NC you're doomed. You may feel victorious at the moment. I suggest you delete her hp number. You should be proud that you're actually a special person, she does not deserve it, someone else special do. Don't think any of it, move on. Stay NC! and I mean it~ Link to comment
tihash Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 To be honest, I'm not opposed to a reconciliation but it would have to be quite some time from now and after she made some changes and had some positive growth. NC is the solution either way, right? Kino, I don't plan on replying but curious as to why you said I'm doomed if I break NC. Link to comment
barrakuda Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 So it's ok for her to voice her feelings but tells you not to do the same by not replying? yep, thats exactly what my selfish ex used to do. Link to comment
orangesoda Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Yes NC is the only solution because your decision will be clouded by emotions. You need time and lots of it - to let the dust settle and for your head to clear. And NC also serves to let your ex know, if she really felt it was a mistake, how BIG of a mistake it was. You start talking to her about getting back together, only 10 days after finding out she cheated, and she's going to feel like you're a pushover and a doormat, and that she can do whatever she wants, and you'll still be there for her. Link to comment
KiNo Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 As people said above, your decision will be clouded by emotion. Being silent and keep NC is the best solution. If you break NC, it will take you back to where you been at the 1st place... and that's not good, I've been there once,and its like being in hell. I won't want another round didn't I? Link to comment
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