should I voice my opinion about this man?

[LAYAAN]

I'm invited to someone's wedding. This girl is a graduate student in our department, has been in a live-in relationship with another grad student in the same dept but who also works on a different project with my boss. A friend that I trust has told me about how he hits her, smacks her, how she cooks for him, brings him lunch to the lab (I think she is doing so because she doesn't want him to change his mind about marrying her), cleans for him, how she has been pushing him for marriage. She is Asian (he is too, both of them are physicians) and many girls that she knows have told her not to marry him and move out immediately. Well... he is getting married in few weeks to her. He has invited all of us to his wedding. I don't support this wedding. I think he is a bad guy and she should not marry him. I don't know much about her. But we have worked very closely with him for 5 years and I know that he is rude, stubborn kinda person.

He told me today that he wants his boss (the professor that he works under, who is also my boss) to sign as a witness. I'm not sure that the professor is aware of this guy's behavior. Should I tell someone about him hitting her? Should I even voice my opinion or keep it to myself? I don't know what to do. Should I just keep quiet and hope that the girl's married life stays stable?

[pivotal]

If you don't support the wedding, don't attend.

 

If revealing his abusive secret could affect your standing in the program, I would avoid it.

[bronte]

I wouldn't attend the wedding, but I also wouldn't tell anyone about what you've only heard from your friend--even though it's someone you trust, the truth is you don't really know what goes on in their relationship and you're operating based on what amounts to gossip.

 

It definitely does sound like a bad situation, though, and I can understand why you're uncomfortable!

[Esteller]

well even if you trust a friend wouldnt you still rather found out for yourself if he does.. seriously hit her? ask her yourself. before assuming off of others. just telling you from experience.

[3boys]

I wouldn't say anything. Even if you tell your boss, they're still going to get married....if the boss refuses to sign, I'm sure they'll find someone else to sign as a witness. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to convince this girl that she's making a bad decision and by telling your boss, you're not only putting your job in jeopardy, you risk putting yourself in danger by making him (the husband) mad at you

[LAYAAN]

Thank you everyone.

Yes, I'm going to keep quiet about it. I'm not attending the wedding. I'll give some excuse. Life is so strange for sure.

[grymoire]

Tinu, you can choose to not attend the wedding but to honest what happens in their relationship is really not your business. She chooses to be with him and now has chosen to marry him (despite the abuse). That is her choice and no one can question it.

[Diggitydave]

Keep it professional for your own sake. Yes it is a very sad thing what is happening but when work is involved, be careful.

 

If she chooses to stay with this man that is her choice, as unfortunate as it is. If work were not involved I would think differently obviously but this can cause a clusterf*** of problems that you may not be prepared to handle.

[LightbulbSun]

I agree with everyone else. If you don't support the wedding, don't attend. And don't tell anyone about the rumors you've heard; it could only affect your job standing negatively.