is there ever anything to say or do that makes it any better?

[locolady]

I swing wildly between wanting to send a nice message to my ex saying that I'm sad things were left so horribly between us and that I'm sorry for my part in it. And wanting to tell him that I despise him for the way he treated me and that I wish I'd never met him because he broke my heart and destroyed me.

 

Would either of these things make any difference? To him or to the way I feel?

 

Opinions please.

 

Brief run down - we were together for 1.5 years, he left me totally out of the blue and refused to ever see/speak to me again. It turns out there was someone else. He has never replied to anything despite efforts on my behalf to contact him. I went a bit mental and he then just asked me to leave him alone. He appears to hate me. I see photos of him from time to time happy as anything with this girl, they live together etc. He has never given me a seconds thought yet I loved him and it kills me. I am so hurt. I feel I will never get over this and I wish there was something I could do - I want him to remember I exist and to be sorry. I am so lonely and he has her - it makes me cry so much still. I feel utterly worthless that he could cut me out and replace me like that and it is so unfair that he is happy and has never cared about the pain he caused. Why was I worth so little?

[SapphireNoir10]

I would be strong here and never say ANYTHING to him again. Hes moved on. You need too as well.

[ohemgee]

All you will do is strengthen his decision and make him feel better about it.

 

See how you've done it already when you try to contact him and then he makes you feel like crap by rejecting you once AGAIN. Don't try to re-contact so you can get rejected a third time.

 

This new girl hes so happy with won't last. He's in a relationship too quick and it's just a rebound. Hes being selfish.

 

I think forgetting, or trying to, and moving on would be the best solution here.

[testcase]

Hey loco, I'd say just keep on keepin on, don't look back. I would definitely not contact him again. I remember your posts from a while ago, you at least sound in a much better place now. Maybe there is still some lingering hurt but how are you doing overall?

[locolady]

Thanks, I am a lot better now, I guess I just hate that he has someone else and every second i've been alone or thought about him, he has had her and never given me a seconds thought. He just cut me out of his life and made me feel so worthless, like i'd died and no-one cared.

 

Otherwise in life, things are positive, I qualified as a teacher a few weeks ago and have had a great holiday with my friends. I am just a bit lonely having been single for a long time now and I guess I think about him because there hasnt been anyone else. It just all seems so unfair that one person can be devastated and the other never bat an eyelid.

[SapphireNoir10]

Thats how it works sometimes. But it goes to show your worth so much more and deserve more than a person like that.

[locolady]

Thats how it works sometimes. But it goes to show your worth so much more and deserve more than a person like that.

 

I dont think anyone can ever feel theyre worth anything when infact they were easily replaced and never missed. He can make a relationship work with her, so I was the problem.

[SapphireNoir10]

I dont think anyone can ever feel theyre worth anything when infact they were easily replaced and never missed. He can make a relationship work with her, so I was the problem.

 

He ignored you and dumped you in the cruelest way. That is not the kind of guy who loves or respects a woman, and yes they work for now but what happens if another girl catches his eye? She'll probbaly find him dissapearing too.

 

He cheated, lied and hurt you. You never did that to him, that makes you the bigger, better person.

 

And you are worth something. You managd to become a teacher which is admirable.

[testcase]

Hey loco thats good to hear. No I am in a similar situation... and I think a lot of the time the fact that they are in relationships makes it tougher to heal. I guess I get by because I believe I'm doing the right thing in healing myself, making myself a better person, so when I do finally find someone I click with I'll be able to be 10x better for them than I was for her. Not to mention I have taken time to realize things I need in a relationship she didn't provide. So when I do get in another relationship... hopefully sooner than later... I know the time I have taken will be worth it when every aspect of the relationship is better than my last.

[tattoobunnie]

Just because their pictures look nice, doesn't mean what's going on between them is heavenly. Another person cannot make you happy; it sounds like even if you were to find someone new, you're so jaded still...the fact you wanna tell him off or do the "let's be friends" bs. Beating a dead horse does nothing as well. He sounds like a total dirtbag who isn't even worth a text message.

 

Another quick way to get over someone...stop cyber-stalking them. Why waste your energy on someone who chewed you up and spit you out? I know it sucks, cuz then you ask yourself, "was it wasted time, did he make a fool out of me?" You feel duped. Think you weren't good enough...

 

All of it...you dated a dirtbag for a year and a half. No big deal...you should be thanking your lucky stars you didn't get married! What really happened is that he's just not the dude for you. And closure is overrated. You need a high dose of living it up, and making new memories.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I sent an email to my bf (back together) to clear the air.

 

It made ME feel better and I'm glad I did.

 

Basically told him that he was a good boyfriend all and all, that I understand wanting to break up, and that he always had me for friendship.

 

He sent me an equally nice letter back.

 

I also told him that I wanted to go NC for a long while and he agreed. We really didn't talk to each other again until we got back together. The entire time we were apart though, I forced myself to dismiss any thoughts of getting back together.

[NEVEAH]

Loco your ex and this woman are likely not as "happy" as you THINK they are. But still that should not be your concern. That is not in your control anyway. Karma has a way of coming back and biting people in the butt when they least suspect it. Let go of the outcome in your mind. Nothing you say OR do will change what happens next. Instead focus on making yourself a better, stronger happier person.THAT you CAN control. So focus on those things. And congrats on the teacher thing. You should throw a party for yourself.

[superchick]

Baby Girl, I have been where you are too many times and please take care of yourself and don't contact him. Dont hurt yourself by looking at any pictures. If you have mutual friends, tell them you're not interested in knowing about it. It may help to remember that each time YOU contact HIM, you are actually driving him away. By NOT contacting him, you're sending the message that you've moved on (even if you haven't) and your too busy to care! You never know what will happen with them but dont even think about them for now. Think about you and work on trying to accept yourself faults and all. definitely start walking or working out. Looking your best helps you feel desireable. Be proud of every day you dont call. And remember not calling creates mystery and he may start to wonder about YOU for a change! Take care of yourself girl and remember WE all know you deserve better!

[SpeedingCars]

Actions speak louder than words!! Cliche, but so so so true.

 

Don't SPEAK... just DO. And what you need to DO... is nothing. Absence can scream many things that words can't.

 

Don't waste your breath on him.

[BriarRose]

Loco, it's been 1.5 yrs? 2 yrs since they have been together? You need to forget about them and karma, etc., and focus on you.

 

I know you met some people in between...you sound like you have much to offer someone, you just need to get out of the "bad place" you are in. He sounded very priveledged and self-absorbed from the way you have described him in the past. There are better men out there...