Should I get out of my "non" relationship?

[angeliamce]

Haven't been on here for months, guess I have just been living and not really thinking....my question....almost 3 years ago met a guy, we talked 7 months on phone....friends stuff, plus phone sex.....in july 07 went to his house and had sex...after that...we hungout a couple of times....sex a few more times....then I met his children....and he told me he didn't want a relationship.....and we have been friends ever since. I like the person he is...love that he wants to be a good dad...like how he can inspire me to do things. We haven't been together since Christmas 08. The truth, I really do love him, I am not sure if he's my forever guy or that because he doesn't want me, I can't let go.

 

He's never dated anyone since I met him. Or at least not that I know of. We hangout, 3 to 5 times a week, talk on phone every day. And we are best friends. We've been several places together and I do all his family stuff with him....he's amazing with my kids and I love his children. But he just wants to be friends. So in the very beginning when he told me he didn't want to date me, I listen to him because the majority of people on this site said. When a man said he wants to be friends thats all he wants.

 

So, I have shared with him details about other guys. Because it makes it easier that he doesn't want me because other people seem to really think I am a good catch. Of course, no1 interest me for very long and my friendship with this guy has came between the 4 major guys I have dated in the last couple of years.

 

Here's the question....do I need to let it all go? He doesn't want me and I can't seem to open my heart to anyone else. Or just enjoy our friendship and prepare myself for the day when he tells me he's in love with some girl? Or just get out.......I have said goodbye....at least once a month for the last 2 years....but, he either calls with an emergency and I have to be there for him or I just can't stand it and say I am sorry and that I will try really hard not to be crazy anymore.

 

Big question.....is there any way that this guy is ever going to ever want anything with me??? I know the answer is no. It's just he does so many things that makes me think he likes me. Other night...I was leaving to go to Europe for 2 weeks and was at his house hanging out...this guy I really enjoy came into my town & wanted to hangout....I told my friend the truth,,,I wanted to have sex before I went on my trip...and my friend said, "Go get you some..." and I just left....but I felt like a * * * * * ...and texted my friend and said, "I don't like the person I have become...settling for less than perfect but every available guy always thinks they can find something better than me..bc guy I was going to meet has a girlfriend and is so much younger than me....my friend replied, "That's not true. You're so smart, have a wonderful heart, and are so sexy." I said thanks, because I felt like he was being nice.

 

Around two weeks ago, I went over to his house and when I got there I brought my phone in (bc a couple of months ago he said I was shady bc I never bring it n the house, I had stopped bringing it in the house bc I wanted to concentrate on him and not have to deal with the phone) he asked if I could run to the store...I backed down driveway then realized I didn't have my phone. I went back into the house and my phone wasn't on the counter, basically he had it in his room. I just smiled when he handed it to me, because the truth...I have nothing I am hiding from him.

 

He rubs my back, picks me flowers, and we have amazing times together. But he doesn't want a relationship with me. He says that I make him crazy....that sometimes my crazy fantasty world is insane. I tell him, then don't talk to me....and he says that he knows that I try to push him out of my life and yes, I do. I love him and want the best for him, but I don't want to watch him with some other girl.

 

On the phone, he liked me, I was like he was talking "to the first girl he ever kissed." He enjoyed having sex with me, but said I get too serious so it's best if we don't. He's taken me everywhere, so I don't think he has some secret relationship. Guess the truth is he just doesn't want me. But he needs me in his life, he has to see me or talk to me.

 

Sorry for rambling....sometimes I wish I would've never met him...but, we have had so much fun.....how to let go???

[waveseer]

So who stopped wanting sex first?

[Capricorn3]

Seeing as you say "But he doesn't want a relationship with me", I would say it's time to move on.

[angeliamce]

He did. Said that I get too serious. And if I ever say anything about sex...he's like..."don't start that...you know how you get." Which is true in a way, we are so different when it comes to sex...I am really loving and he's real distant. The Last time we were together...he just did a bunch of stuff that was really different than all the times before....he always wore a condom, last time no condom....plus everytime was really good but even seem like that he didn't want to enjoy it....one time he was just really in to everything....just had his hands all over me and someone knocked on the door and he was like, "God, it's never been that intense for me" but he doesn't kiss. So, yes, I know when a guy don't want sex he is getting it somewhere else, but I really think he just has phone sex with other girls. I think he physically doesn't want to have sex because he doesn't want to be hurt by anyone. All his relationships have ended by the girl cheating on him....

[waveseer]

Could you offer him exclusivity in exchange for a romantic relationship which includes physical intimacy?

[angeliamce]

Could you offer him exclusivity in exchange for a romantic relationship which includes physical intimacy? Yes, I would get a new phone number and say goodbye to dating. And he wouldn't have to promise forever, just for a chance for us to try. Because sometimes I believe that in the beginning when he said he didn't want a relationship, maybe I made a mistake just accepting it and trying to move on. He said it on a Wed., and I went on a date that Friday.

[waveseer]

I would try that then. The worst he can do is say no.

[angeliamce]

I guess I could try.......and you're right worse he could say was no. And truthfully a straight no, I don't want you and never would...would be a nice way to finish this thing. Thank you

[waveseer]

You're welcome.

[savignon]

He has phone sex with other girls?

I definitely think you should put it out there one more time and then do a complete 180 if he says he's not interested (again).

New phone number, new email, find new friends to spend your time with....

You said yourself that your feelings for him have gotten in the way of a number of other possibilities. Time to start examining your other options after he's been clear for several years now.

[angeliamce]

not sure if he has phone sex with other girls just guessing

[Ms Darcy]

You already know in your heart that if after three years he hasn't given you what you want, then he simply won't give it to you. He stated his truth in the beginning and he's living it now.

 

What you need to consider is that there is some emptiness in you that is making you hang on to someone so emotionally unavailable to you and not allowing yourself to be open to men who might love you. It's once you start to look at the heart of this problem, you, that you might start learn how to let him go.