Not Surprised, But Ex Ignored My Birthday

[WomanWriter]

This is such a common thread in the Healing After Break-Ups and Divorces section that I want to post it here instead. I'm not looking for advice, insight...nothing...this is simply a vent post. Others can reply if they want, but that's not really the point. I just need a place to express my feelings because I can't to my ex. People who can relate would be really helpful.

 

Anyway, I'm 29 today and I've been pushing myself all day to enjoy it. I ate a healthy breakfast, been drinking plenty of water, visited with some family, rested, and cleaned myself and my room up. I am warding off depression that I fear will come later when it's quiet and I'm especially lonely.

 

I knew my ex fiance would ignore me, but it doesn't hurt any less. We didn't have a bad breakup. 7 months ago, he said he still loved me, after 7 years together, cried and clung onto me and said he wasn't ready to be a husband or father. He begged me to stay friends and said it would break his heart if he never heard from me again.

 

So anyway, we talked a few times since then...mostly over email and a couple texts. The last time he texted me was 2 months ago to show me pictures of his new nephew. He can text me for THAT...but not for my birthday? I guess I should have known he only cares about himself.

 

And I saw a picture of him that hints he may have a girlfriend. He swore there was no one else and that he was only leaving because he felt held back by being in a relationship. He said he needed to get himself together (he was depressed and going through a lot of things and so was I).

 

I don't want to be jaded. I don't want to be heart-sick when I see couples holding hands and being close the way we once were. He was my best friend.

 

I made one of those, "How well do you know J..." Quizzes on Facebook today and realized that he's the only person in the world that would know the answers to almost all those questions about me.

 

Here is this person who claimed to love me more than anyone in the world. And then 7 months later, I don't exist. Seriously.

[DN]

He may have thought it more compassionate to not acknowledge it because there is a strong likelihood that had he sent a greeting or a card it would have raised unfounded hope in you that it was an overture to reconciliation.

[Diggitydave]

Let me just say this... Trust me it went through his head. His decision was most likely based on taking the safe road and not allowing any show of affection to be taken the wrong way, judging by your strong feelings. I fault you for nothing however and your feelings are normal.

[Dancergirl425]

ya it sucks. My ex's birthday was 24 days before mine and I got him presents, baked for him, and met his family. Then we broke up a few days after. 22 days pass and my birthday comes around...I don't even get a text from him. We are still "friends" and have hung out together. He never said happy birthday to me in person either or tried to make my birthday special.

 

It just sucks that it feels like they don't care all of a sudden when in reality they were always that selfish...we just had rose colored glasses on and couldn't see it. Keep doing what you're doing and keep busy with healthy distractions. Eventually I accepted that he's selfish and have found peace.

[dragon111]

It is kind of inappropriate to send your ex a bday card though. It gives out all the wrong messages, especially if you havent properly talked as friends since the break up. I agree with spinner7 about expectations.

 

Also remember, he is a guy, what are the chances of remembering it is your birthday? and being busy (perhaps) even if he did remember he may have not got around to texting you or anything.

[Ivory_Tower]

I believe that after the amount of time you were together he will never stop thinking about you, even though you are no longer together...

 

Try as we might people can't be erased, even if he didn't contact you.

[sarahN]

Ok my friend, you are in good company here. I'm in a very similar situation. My ex still loves me, but couldn't be with me anymore, yet wants to remain close friends. I'm going to be honest and tell you what I'm mentally telling myself, you have to cut ties with him. For me personally, every time I hear his voice I get this false sense of security, and I have found it to be very unhealthy for me. He isn't mine anymore, and even if I'm trying to be adult and mature by being his friend, it's slowly eating at me inside. I deserve better, and so do you! I could really sense the pain that you are going through in your post, and I know Exactly what you are going through. You have every right to feel the way you do, but remaining friends with him, even sporadically may just be hurting you in the same way it is hurting me. My ex was my best friend too, and it literally takes my breath away when I think about how this life I used to have is just over. But you know what makes it worse, talking to him! It just keeps reminding me of the pain. I don't know who you are or what you like, but do anything and everything that puts a smile on your face. Personally, I force myself to watch funny movies, go to comedy clubs, hang out with goofy kids in my family, anything that makes me smile. This seems to have really helped me avoid that emotional black hole I refuse to fall into. So far it has really been working. Do I sometimes fake the happy, of course, but I'm proud of myself for not crying about him anymore. It's empowering. I wish the best for you and you can private message me anytime if you need to talk. Happy Birthday!!!!