Quick Progression

[lostandmisrabl]

Hey everyone,

 

First things first...I haven't been on this board in a few months but I utilized it to get over my ex-gf and everyone was really helpful. Those of you that are consistent responders are doing a world of good...so, thank you.

 

Okay...now to the story that I'll try to keep short. So I've started a new relationship with a girl that I had met a few times. She was definitely interested in me from the beginning. She even called "dibs" on me in a discussion with her friend. We've been hanging out for about a week so far and it's been great. We are having a lot of fun. Many people tell me to take it slow, but I think that's up to the couple. I think we're both moving along at a good pace that could be characterized as a little faster than average, but not bad. Everything just seems to be clicking in a fantastic way.

 

A problem that I notice that I've been running into in relationships is that sometimes I just feel unworthy...like I don't deserve an awesome girl. This is a little silly since I do have my s**t together and have no baggage, 2 college degrees..etc. As a result of this, i am always looking for positive strokes that indicate she is still interested in me. It's almost ridiculous. My last gf was decent at that, but I still didn't feel appreciated all the time. Why do I look for this constant feedback, and by constant I mean like several times per day. This girl has sent me some texts saying how awesome this has been so far.

 

I'm trying to make it a policy that we don't discuss ex's. She broke up with a guy a few weeks ago that she had dated for about 2-3 months I think. It's over and she doesn't feel that way about him...but whenever she happens to mention him I feel like less of a person. I don't hate the guy...but I don't want to hear about him...EVER really.

 

I'm 30...life is good...I just need some advice. Thoughts?

[Ms Darcy]

Wow, I can see the end of this relationship before it has really begun

 

You need to slow it down as she's just gotten out of a dating relationship (even a 3-month relationship can take a long time to get over if it felt intense). But the biggest problem is that you THINK you need to get appreciation several times a day from the girl you are with. I would not be in a relationship with someone like this ... that is a clear signal to me that they do not have the internal resources to heal themselves and feel confidence.

 

My advice is to actually take the advice to slow this relationship down and focus on some self-help. Get some books about self-confidence and esteem and start reading intensely. I wouldn't want you to come back to the board after a tough break up realizing that this is what you should have done beforehand.