A partner with an eating disorder

[ay0_x]

I'm looking for a general opinion here.

 

I just was wondering...

 

would it be a dealbreaker for you if the person you were dating had an eating disorder? Why/why not? (aside the obvious)

[sarey]

What do you exactly mean by dealbreaker?

 

If the person you are dating has an eating disorder, and you think you can handle it, and love them, (for real), then I think you should support them and be there for them as much as you can and urge them to reach out for help.

Eating disorders can and will kill, or leave you with long term damage.

 

This is coming from someone who has had an eating disorder for years and is recovering.

[ay0_x]

What do you exactly mean by dealbreaker?

 

If the person you are dating has an eating disorder, and you think you can handle it, and love them, (for real), then I think you should support them and be there for them as much as you can and urge them to reach out for help.

Eating disorders can and will kill, or leave you with long term damage.

 

This is coming from someone who has had an eating disorder for years and is recovering.

 

By a dealbreaker I mean, would they break up with them. (I guess I'm talking more about in a dating relationship than in a 'love' relationship).

[sarey]

It's possible if they couldn't handle it as it is quite stressful to see someone killing themselves slowly.

 

And I thought relationship had to have love involved?

Otherwise it's practically hooking up.

[ay0_x]

It's possible if they couldn't handle it as it is quite stressful to see someone killing themselves slowly.

 

And I thought relationship had to have love involved?

Otherwise it's practically hooking up.

 

Before "love" blossoms.. As in, a month or two into an exclusive relationship, but the L word hasn't been dropped yet, etc.

 

If they cant handle it thats a very reasonable concern.. but I know of guys who'd just be like "No, that's weird" and they'd just stay away from girls with an ED. I was wondering how many people shared that sentiment

[Capricorn3]

I can imagine many people couldn't handle the stress and it would be a dealbreaker for them.

[shes2smart]

Having had an ED in my 20's....and having dragged my ex college BF through hell and back with me during the worst of it...my .02 is if someone's got an active eating disorder, their time and energy really needs to be going toward sorting themselves out....not trying to build a relationship.

 

If you want to have a healthy relationship, you need to start with two people who are reasonably mentally/emotionally healthy to begin with. Someone with an active ED isn't in a good place to create and be part of a healthy relationship.

 

But this is the sort of thing most people have to learn the hard way.

[Circe]

It depends on the eating disorder. They can all kill you eventually but some more quickly and more certainly than others. Also some types will impact on you (as her partner) more than other types will

 

I had an ED for 5 years.. Thankfully my husband never saw it as a deal-breaker.

 

If I asked him "why"? I'm fairly certain he'd say it was because he loved me.

 

If it wasn't for him I might still have an ED. I was at my wits end about 4 years into it and thought I'd have to live with it forever. I was on my third shrink to help me overcome it. He had me feeling so disillusioned I was ready to give up trying.

 

My husband (then bf) did some research and found a great guy who specialised on EDs. He gave me the emotional fuel to keep going. Keep trying.

 

The psycologist he found really helped and I have been.. free of it for... over 11 months now!

[littlestar]

Loving someone unconditionally means loving them with an eating disorder, warts and whatever else there is.

[shes2smart]

Loving someone unconditionally means loving them with an eating disorder, warts and whatever else there is.

 

I agree with that....if you're already in an established, long-term relationship.

 

If you're still in the dating phase....not so much. I kinda put it in the same category as someone who has active addiction issues. The person with an active addiction or active ED (and some EDs are a manifestation of addiction issues...the substance of choice happens to be food) is not capable of being a healthy partner at that point in their life. They have work to do on themselves first.

 

People who still want to rush in anyway may tend to be "fixers" or "saviors." My ex-college BF sure was, and I'm thankful he was there at the time. However, a good part of the reason that relationship fell apart was the further I got into recovery, the less there was for him to "fix" or "save" me from.

 

We only worked if I stayed sick. It was a dynamic we were unable to get past. I don't think it's an uncommon dynamic when you start off with one partner who clearly has some stuff they need to address.

[Ms Darcy]

Having had an ED in my 20's....and having dragged my ex college BF through hell and back with me during the worst of it...my .02 is if someone's got an active eating disorder, their time and energy really needs to be going toward sorting themselves out....not trying to build a relationship.

 

If you want to have a healthy relationship, you need to start with two people who are reasonably mentally/emotionally healthy to begin with. Someone with an active ED isn't in a good place to create and be part of a healthy relationship.

 

But this is the sort of thing most people have to learn the hard way.

 

I agree that a person with an active ED shouldn't be dating but should be working on treating his/her ED.

[Alezia]

I'm going to have to agree with S2S. I would rather have the person I "like" or "love" work on themselves in getting rid of the eating disorder than trying to date me.

 

I haven't met any men with eating disorders yet so it would be very hard for me to comment, but I would most likely treat it the same way as someone with a drug or alcohol addiction. I would offer support, but could not bring myself to have a gf-bf relationship.